Broody Boyfriend!

taxi97w

Like some others already, I'd like to say how sensible and intelligent you come across- he, on the other hand, doesn't.

The only comment I can make about him wanting a baby is what I always think when someone says they want a baby. It is a person you will be having, an adult for most of it's life and a baby for only a few short years.
I would also like to know why he wants a baby. I asked a question on here a couple of years ago. It was 'Why did you want to have children? What was the reason?' ,or something like that. You should have seen the answers. :eek:

You need him to see the bigger picture.

ChasingButterflies

li'l_p wrote: »

Is anyone watching the new House of Tiny Tearaways?

You only have to look at the couple who are both 17 years old, to see how having a baby at such a young age can go *wrong* (...for want of a better word, sorry!). The lad just kept having strops of his own and kept walking off when he was quizzed about his own behaviour and attitude, and even then the pair of them and another young mum had to be taught how to play with their kids!

I'd suggest you live your life a little and you will know when the time and circumstances are really right for you.

This is exactly the attitude as a "younger" parent you will encounter... you will find yourself being generalised about - after all, all younger parents are incapable aren't they?

As long as you didn't see the news in May this year you will also know that the best parents are the "older" more mature person - they are fuamentally better parents.

Back to your point op imho 10 all consuming months together - I have know people who have been "together" for 7 years - got married and 6 months later were in the process of getting divorced perhaps some more time together to grow as a couple would be the best plan for the short term? Enjoy being a couple for a while if/when the little people come along you can't really do spur of the moment romantic things.

li'l_p

I wasn't trying to make generalisations... my Mum was a young Mum and we're no worse off for it! I personally think it can work. My Mum and dad are still together, married now, 30 years on and they had 4 children (one of whom is sadly no longer with us!!!!)

I just think the immaturity really shows in some young people, but not all. I wasn't intending to be nasty by my suggestion. I just used the programme and the couple as an example. My example being that they could barely look after / entertain themselves, let alone a small baby! They were filmed on 3 occasions having left the baby crying in the middle of the floor. Once because she couldn't be bothered to get out of bed in the morning!

For the OP: I think there needs to be a lot of consideration and discusssion between you both, before either of you consider having a baby now.

foreversomeday

Thanks everyone for all the replies & advice.

I do want to wait before having a baby. One of the main reasons for that is the generalisations people would make of me (us) - family especially. I know that when we eventually do have children it'll be exciting and stressful - so surely it'll be slightly easier if I don't have to worry about family being p'ed off about it all.

I'm not accusing anyone on this thread of being judgemental, but I know it's an attitude I would face off some people if I got pregnant now.

To be honest what I'm really looking for is a way to communicate to him how I feel about it and let him see without the rose-tinted specs - as he's not terribly good at understanding another person's point of view, is a bit insecure and constantly searching me for signs that I "want to leave". We'll get through it. It's easier to put something off, I think, than try to do it quicker than planned.

southernscouser

foreversomeday wrote: »

constantly searching me for signs that I "want to leave".

Sounds like he is after a reason for you not to be able to leave rather than actually wanting a baby! :eek:

You really need to sort these issues out before you even contemplate having a baby. He has to want one for the right reasons.

Stephb1986_2

Hi foreversomeday

Im 21 i have 2 friends that are a few months older than me bother of them have kids one was a accident she now lives with her parents 2 brothers and 1 sister in a 3 bedroomed house has no money and no job.

the other has a bloke (i dont like him) and is renting a house they move every few months im quite sure he hits her but not 100%

even at the age of 21 they are struggling to cope with a baby its not only a baby it will soon grow to be a teenager i think your fiancee is just in love with the idea of having a baby not a child or teen or young adult. maybe you should work out how much a baby would cost you in the first 5 years and sit him down and tell him that if he can afford a baby then fair enough but you would rather wait till your married and got a mortgage not just renting. Ive been with my fella 7 months now i know he's the one for me but i dont want a baby just yet and he isnt particularly bothered either.

If you want to wait just tell him that he should respect your wishes and put up with it till your ready

Stephb xx

foreversomeday

southernscouser wrote: »

Sounds like he is after a reason for you not to be able to leave rather than actually wanting a baby! :eek:

You really need to sort these issues out before you even contemplate having a baby. He has to want one for the right reasons.

I know. We have talked about this too. I think that is a big part of it - however I'm being damned stubborn in that I can prove that on my own. I know I'm not planning on leaving any time soon, and I won't marry him either until he accepts a few things - no point entering a marriage without trust from both sides.

flizzy

I have a friend who got engaged after dating her boyfriend for literally a month when she was 19 and he was 18... When we went on holiday together in the summer (about six months into their relationship) she was saying things that implied that they intended to plan for children in about a year's time! Her boyfriend is kinda insecure after being cheated on by past girlfriends, so I think both the engagement and the chat about having children is just a way of securing their relationship.

You say your boyfriend is a bit insecure, so maybe he's going on and on about babies to see how you react and if you aren't keen maybe he thinks that means you don't think he's the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? You need to reassure him that you want him and you love him, but you want to enjoy being young with him and free together for a while yet.

Somebody I work with got married and had her children at around the age of 20, and although she doesn't regret it, her advice to me today was 'live your young life to the full before you have children or get married'. So true.

foreversomeday

Flizzy, you could be describing to a T me and my OH when you say that. It is difficult at times, but who has the perfect relationship? I'm a very open person and I think it helps a lot.

I always said I would live my life before I settled down, and I'm happy to be engaged at the moment because that shows him I am committed, but it gives me a chance to breathe, slow down and enjoy being with him and being young before we have any huge responsibilities like children, pets and a mortgage! I had a chat with him last night too and it turns out he'd quite like us to go travelling in a year or so's time - which lets me breathe a bit because for a working holiday, you can't really drag children along. I'm happy to live my youth for a bit, with him, before we settle down so concretely.

Zebedee69

ailuro2 wrote: »

Get a pet and see how he is with that- I'm not joking- 10 months is too early for something as serious as a baby, but if you were to split up it's a lot easier to get someone to look after the pet while you work than it is to pay for childcare.

Get a Jack Russell........ aw they are realy cute:j

I think alot of blokes have this notion that kids are realy cute and playfull........ They forget that the same playfull cute bundles of joy Costs alot to keep, Pee's, Poo's, Wakes you up at 3am when you have work at 4, puts your wife/gf off sex for ages and basically ends your "outside" life for ooooooo 18 years +.

I would wait, you have soooo much you want to do before getting married and having kids. If he is the right guy then he will stick around and love you anyway. If he doesnt then he will leave and atleast you will know that it wouldnt have lastest anyway. A lucky escape as who realy wants to be a single mum?........

Nope, get out there.... move forward in your career/job. Do some realy cool things you can look back on when you have kids and make sure your finance/credit/life/everything else is well and truely set in stone and rock solid before you commit to a baby. Its the best start in life you will give it.