I don't know if I'm expecting too much of my boyfriend

Samsonite1

It is hard to say - you start with a list of specific negatives, but end with some general things that you really like.  What is the balance?  Sometimes this can look skewed because you are writing from a more unhappy moment, but perhaps overall it is more of a question of "can you see him adapting to improve a bit over time?" and "is it mostly good for the majority of time?".

Regarding things like not replying about good news within an hour or so, but responding quickly to something else - not sure that is as bad as it sounds.  I have had that where I am at work and I want to respond properly and take it in, whereas other messages are easy to respond to.

It is also possible that someone in their 30s is a bit more cynical, confident and less sensitive than someone in their 20s.  I used to argue a lot more often with my partner in our 20s as we were both more sensitive with new-ish careers and new stresses in  life.
I used to be a bit mean without realising, especially when being defensive - I saw any criticism as a challenge to respond with something that would make the other person feel bad so I would "win" (even though I was not winning anything).  Over the years I have learned to be a lot more considerate and often bite my tongue and just take the criticism sometimes without retaliating.

The family stuff can be similar - I had to learn not to criticise the mother in law, which I did often because she did do very frustrating things and offend often which again, ended up in me saying something to retaliate with and ended up with her storming out of the room - or that kind of thing.

It may also come down to if you want it to work out or if you are really hoping for a sign that it should end (in which case, it should!).

TBagpuss

To me, there seem to be some fairly significant red flags -

- other people perceive him as rude. Since they are not in a romantic relationship with him, they are probably more clear sighted about that than you, so I think that he probably is rude, but seems unwilling to acknowledge or change that. I'm not quite sure whether the people saying this to you have met him, or whether they are responding to what you have told you. If it is the former, then listen to them. If it is the latter then I would give less weight to what they say as they are only hearing your impressions of how he behaves, and judging on that.

- He is rude to, and dismissive of you, reluctant to admit this, and gas-lights you when you bring it up This would be the biggest concern for me - he isn't willing to acknowledge his own behavior towards you and ends up manipulating things to try to make you feel it is your fault, and even when he apologises it is a non-apology, without accepting any responsibility. 

- He is judgmental His views about footballers wives seems excessive - "scum of the earth"!? He doesn't have to like them or be interested in them, but that level of vitriol is quite odd, and the fact that he again tries to make out that you are one who is weird, when you challenged him , is concerning. At the very least, it suggests he is overly defensive
That said, I am not clear about how clearly you are communicating your needs. For instance, when you broke down, did you explicitly ask him to come out to collect you / wait with you, or did you just feel he should have offered?  Similarly, when he didn't phone or text to check you had got home safely, have you ever told him that's something you would like him to do? Some people would find it stifling / controlling to have their partner checking up on their movements that way, and he may well feel that as an adult, you don't need that kind of check in unless there is a specific reason to think the trip might be difficult or risky! 

I think the key thing is to think about how to improve the communication between the two of you. Use your words to let him know what kind of things you would like him to do, and ask what he wants, in terms of stuff like calling / texting to check you got home safely, acknowledge that he doesn't get along with your sister but explain that it is hurtful when he is critical of her, and ask him to dial that back
Don't forget to tell him as well about the things you do appreciate and enjoy about him, and be willing to listen to what he says about how he feels.

if you aren't able to have that conversation with him, or if he is not willing to listen to you, then move on - you've identified a lot of issues in the first 6 months and either the two of you need to learn how to adapt to the other's needs and feelings, or else you would both be happier apart. And if his only reaction is to suggest that it's all in your head - run a mile, he's a manipulative gas lighter and highly unlikely to change. 

[Deleted User]

Just before Christmas I had a 14 year relationship end and I am afraid my relationship with him was exactly like yours.  Don't waste any more time on him. I saw red flags flying from day 2, knew he wasn't very supportive, was dismissive, very critical, but explained it all away, looked on his good side, how he helped everyone so much.  I didn't realise how it was all part of a pattern of control.  

You are six months in. Walk away.  This man will never be what you need.  He doesn't want to be. 

But having said all that, I am happier now than I have been in over a decade.  There's no more button pressing, no manipulation, no one to make me feel like I don't matter.  And I'm starting to live again.  Don't put yourself through that.

Make sure the next relationship makes you feel valued because you know that's what should happen.