The Nice People No. 17

Cakeguts

Pyxis said:

PasturesNew said:

Pyxis said:

 

Does your en-suite have an loo?

Yes it's massive.  About 14' x 6' or so.  

Why can’t you go to the loo when she’s in the kitchen, then? Puzzled.

Because she will know that PN is in then and will want to "chat" or something.

14' x 6' is a big loo!  

PasturesNew

Cakeguts said:

Him upstairs. Is he likely to be the tenant for the new buy to let but it isn't ready yet?

Still listening to IT.  I obviously like it.

No. She was out 10-12 hour days the other week, working on it ... including knocking on my door to ask me for the lamp in my room that I'm not using.  (You ask yourself how does she know I'm not using it..... odd, eh!)

Cakeguts

Pyxis said:

PasturesNew said:

Pyxis said:

 

Does your en-suite have an loo?

Yes it's massive.  About 14' x 6' or so.  

Why can’t you go to the loo when she’s in the kitchen, then? Puzzled.

She seems to be a bit invasive like Japanese knotweed. 

PasturesNew

Pyxis said:

Why can’t you go to the loo when she’s in the kitchen, then? Puzzled.

Because everything one does can be heard, which makes me feel "awkward".... I'm not used to sharing and private things are private.  Also, proof that I exist might make her knock my door to talk to me..... so I want to not create a single sound that provides her with an "invitation" to knock as she "knew I was awake/up/about". 

Cakeguts

She doesn't get the bit about tenants and lodgers are not your friend. They might be but it doesn't follow that they automatically will be. 

This is a business arrangement not a friendship group. 

Cakeguts

Oh dear. I can be very thick.

If people upset me they only do it once. I nearly unfriended someone on Facebook yesterday. I made an allowance for stress but I had been doing that for about a week. So last warning was yesterday. 

Cakeguts

This living situation isn't working for you.

You need to move.  She has changed the situation. She should not be banging around in the kitchen all the time when the agreement was that she wouldn't and that she wouldn't introduce extra people into the house. If you weren't speshull you might want to use that kitchen to cook meals. Well how could you? She is always in there? 

Plus she must know how thin the walls in her house are and she is not making allowances for you.

Cakeguts

Never underestimate the focus of anyone speshul with black/white thinking.

Doozergirl

PN, this really isn't nice and I'm worried about you.  

I know you have your speshulness and that sharing a house isn't something that you are cut out for, but this is seriously affecting your mental health now.  

This lady hasn't done anything *hugely* wrong.  No, she should not be coming into your room and the key is to set the boundary at that point, not to seethe.  

Life has changed for all of us and I'd like to think that this is a place to vent when life gets too much but this is full on meltdown territory and I'm calling it out.  Not because you are not allowed, but because something desperately needs to change here and the person that has to do it is you.  

Sitting in silence, not moving in reaction to her just her living her life in her own house isn't okay. For you.  

Her life has changed.  It has for all of us.  She cannot be blamed for that.  The visitor sounds like someone who is potentially vulnerable to this virus and needs some help to isolate.  

It isn't okay to hate people for cooking in the kitchen.  This is something created in your head and you need to turn the focus onto you, not her.  If I were doing the same thing as you, then I would lose it far quicker than you have, but you need to have distraction techniques.  Typing out her every move on here is making it *worse* for you, not better.  As it is, the anxiety is allowing your world to get smaller and smaller, to the point on confining it to a chair.  

You need to get that TV out from under the cloth and turn it on.  And leave it on and find something else to do and think about.  And take a walk each day, please.  

When given the option of "the worst that can happen if the LL knocks" and "the worst that can happen if I sit here in deathly silence, depriving myself of basic human rights" then the LL knocking is infinitely the better option.  

And then, you need to find somewhere to rent.  With no excuses of why you cannot.  You are not cut out for this and you need to remove yourself from it.  

You stepped out from "dufduf" into this and are searching for a house that barely exists whilst living in this.   

Something has to change.  Quickly, because she is not going to be in the house more before it gets less.  

Doozergirl

She's completely oblivious to what is going on in your head, PN.  There's nothing to break her will.  It's the voice in your own head that you're up against here, and it's winning.  

You need to move because I know you won't seek help.   Just because we think something, it doesn't make it true.  Your head is playing Sh*t FM on loud and constant, but at some point you have to thank it for its opinion, tell it to get lost and change the channel.    Because it is lying to you.  

If there's anyone here to help you with calming mechanisms, it is Cakeguts.  Help each other, stop making it worse by focussing on nothing else.