School v countryside

iksbedd

NeilCr wrote: »

Just looking back last year you were considering moving back to Cheshire as you were homesick and wanted to be nearer your family. I don't normally do the "going over old posts" things but I did remember that thread

You do seem very indecisive. I sympathise greatly - so am I! I moved down here (Kent coast) from London and the whole decision making was painful in the extreme. I am now very happy and totally pleased with making the jump. I am different though as I am older, on my own and have no children. I, also, knew this area from visiting

What do your husband and children think about the idea? If they are not totally on board then that's going to make it harder. You haven't said much about their thoughts

Yes - I was considering going home to Cheshire but we weren't able to find a place we were happy with and actually, my sister had her baby and as much of an effort we've made to be part of that, she' s not really interested - she has her "new life" now with her husband and his family and we're old news..... I think a move there wouldn't have provided what we were looking for.

My husband and kids are 100% up for Devon; if anything, it is me dragging my feet as I'm worried about them falling in with the wrong crowd, being unemployed etc. But, whilst it may remove highly paid job opportunities for most, it does open other opportunities up too and actually, I don't wish them a life in the rat race too - of course, if that's what they really want, they'll relocate themselves.

I have a job offer in North Devon - it's a big pay cut from what I'm on now, but money isn't bringing me happiness now anyway... it's manageable though

The place we've chosen is Berrynarbor - the village has a great community feel and really isn't THAT remote (it just feels like it compared to where I am now!).

Obviously, no-one has a crystal ball. We can always move back. I expect a major back-lash from friends and work colleagues (will not have an impact on family as they aren't local anyway - they might come stay more if we're by the sea!).

pickledonionspaceraider

I love this topic, and am really positive about this idea, as it is funny only the last couple of weeks me and OH have been talking of our long term future and how intolerable inner-City life has become.

We both wish we had done it whilst our kids were little. As now I have adult kids in the City, so we would not move Coastal or hundreds of miles away from the City we are in now.

But there are plenty of rural locations on the outskirts of our City that we have been looking at

We genuinely wish we had done this when the kids were little, take them with us, build a life.

It is like one of those things, you leave it too long and there are different types of barriers.

My parents used to live five mins away, popping in and out of each others houses for tea all the time. Me, parents and siblings all lived close.

Then about 15 yrs ago our Parents decided to move to the Coast. It really does change relationships when you are used to seeing each other regularly and now they are 200 miles away. It is kinda sad and end of an era. You can't just pop round anymore, everything needs planning

And I don't want the same barriers between us and our own kids. I want them to be able to just pop in and have an unplanned meal together.

So for us and a Coastal move, the time has gone by - however a move to a more rural edge of this big City, is what we have planned in the not to distant.

iksbedd

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I love this topic, and am really positive about this idea, as it is funny only the last couple of weeks me and OH have been talking of our long term future and how intolerable inner-City life has become.

We both wish we had done it whilst our kids were little. As now I have adult kids in the City, so we would not move Coastal or hundreds of miles away from the City we are in now.

But there are plenty of rural locations on the outskirts of our City that we have been looking at

We genuinely wish we had done this when the kids were little, take them with us, build a life.

It is like one of those things, you leave it too long and there are different types of barriers.

My parents used to live five mins away, popping in and out of each others houses for tea all the time. Me, parents and siblings all lived close.

Then about 15 yrs ago our Parents decided to move to the Coast. It really does change relationships when you are used to seeing each other regularly and now they are 200 miles away. It is kinda sad and end of an era. You can't just pop round anymore, everything needs planning

And I don't want the same barriers between us and our own kids. I want them to be able to just pop in and have an unplanned meal together.

So for us and a Coastal move, the time has gone by - however a move to a more rural edge of this big City, is what we have planned in the not to distant.

Yes! Due to the kids ages, it does feel like now or never. We have no family ties here so in that respect we are free to do this.

The thing that is making feel we should just do it is knowing when I'm 80, still in suburbia, kids have moved away anyway, having the regret that we didn't do it when we had the chance.

pickledonionspaceraider

iksbedd wrote: »

Yes! Due to the kids ages, it does feel like now or never. We have no family ties here so in that respect we are free to do this.

The thing that is making feel we should just do it is knowing when I'm 80, still in suburbia, kids have moved away anyway, having the regret that we didn't do it when we had the chance.

Exactly this. I am envious of your freedom in that respect.

Sometimes you have to take risks

Worst case scenario, no one will die - it'll just be moving back in a couple of years

BUT at least you will have tried it - which is more than most of us I can say

harrys_nan

When I lived in Devon (Torbay) I found each generation very polite, the younger ones especially, we met so many nice people when out on our dog walk.
I used to go back to see my kids approx every 6 weeks or so but then I was missing so much of the grandchildren growing that I needed to be near them, hence my decision to move back but you won't have that because your children are younger and will be going with you.
Don't regret NOT giving it ago. Good luck with whatever you decide

JGB1955

We moved from London to 'the country' back in 1985, when we had just one 1 year old. We thought we would be back in London three years later, but have never moved again. We didn't look at schools or catchment areas because they weren't relevant to us at the time.


I guess we struck lucky. We live in a garden village some three miles away from a cathedral city. We can walk into 'town', cycle or take the hourly bus (please note, though, that the last bus comes back at 19:45). There is an excellent Primary School within 5 minutes walk (all on walkways, rather than roads). It was a little 'too' academic for our son but our daughter thrived. Although there are a couple of selective secondary schools in the area, both children went on to the Community School some 7 miles away. Daughter went to university, son took and apprenticeship and is in line to 'take over' the business in due course.



As the children got older, and their social circles grew, there was a fair amount of Mum and Dad's taxi service involved. The minute they reached 17 they took their driving tests and had cars bought for them. That's fairly standard around here. We had 4 cars on the driveway for a good 8 years (+ my son's work van, and my husband's mid-life crisis sports car).


I don't think the children have 'suffered' from living here but the logistics were quite hard work sometimes. One child still lives 7 miles away, the other escaped, not to the 'smoke', but to the coast.


Now that we are empty-nesters I have been drawn to the idea of moving further into the countryside. However, lack of public transport and amenities has made me realise that is not going to happen. Neither does it now seem wise. The day will come when we can no longer drive. We have a reasonable bus service. We have a teaching hospital, mainline railway station, theatres, cinemas, places to eat out, all on our doorstep. We live within 5 miles of a major Motorway with links in 4 directions. National Express coach to Heathrow. Cardiff/Birmingham in an hour. We also have glorious countryside to walk in and enjoy. We have a close circle of friends.



We are settled and happy to stay. My husband (a Londoner) has never looked back.... just my perspective on the quandary!

honeypop

iksbedd wrote: »

The village we are looking at isn't THAT remote; it has a village shop, a village school, a pub and an active village hall and community. It is not far from the main road either, so maybe I've over-sold the "rural". It's not the middle of nowhere, but is compared to where we are now if that makes sense.

My mum, dad and younger sister moved to a village in Somerset a few years back, which had a village shop, 2 pubs, a school etc, probably 10 mins from the 'main road' and 25 mins into the nearest town centre. The 'locals' in the village did describe it as remote.

The teens in the village hated it there, as to get anywhere was a long time on public transport, or relying on parents for lifts and at a time when you'd rather be independent, they were not keen on that either. Any opportunities for part time work to earn money alongside school/college were out in the other towns, again relying on parents to pick up late at night when finishing shifts, or not bothering to work because it's a big effort to get there and back. Contrary to opinion, there were little open spaces to roam and be free, as it was all farmer owned land, the lanes were too dangerous for cycling around due to cars that 'know the roads' going too fast. There was more open space to enjoy in town life.

From what I saw, although a tight-knit community (forced together by village life), if your face didn't fit for any reason, especially as an 'incomer', life could be pretty miserable and lonely.

I know you seem to have made up your minds, but just thought I'd share what I saw when my own family moved for similar reasons. Same as you, they had thought it wasn't at all remote, but moved back eventually.

As another view... Currently I drive my 2 sons to a small village school 4 miles away. Although there's a school there, there are very few families with children in that village (which is why it's populated with children from outside), the families that moved there for village life with children are very often moaning about said village life, and how cut off their children are.

One thing the school really suffers from is less funding than 'normal' sized schools, and the resources are scarce, which is really obvious when we do things with other schools (sports, activities, trips etc) and see that our children are lacking many opportunities because of the situation of the slightly remote rural school.

The small secondary school is in similar situation. I'm sure the kids do OK, it has a wonderful community feel, however again, because of it's situation, the kids end up with much fewer opportunities to take part in things, or to really broaden their learning. Plus they come from a wider area and tend not to socialise much outside of school.

We are looking to move them to a town school, so if I had the choice between village life and the schooling - since you specifically mentioned schooling - I personally would choose school over the countryside until the children were old enough to get themselves around and not be hemmed in by village life.

iksbedd

honeypop wrote: »

My mum, dad and younger sister moved to a village in Somerset a few years back, which had a village shop, 2 pubs, a school etc, probably 10 mins from the 'main road' and 25 mins into the nearest town centre. The 'locals' in the village did describe it as remote.

The teens in the village hated it there, as to get anywhere was a long time on public transport, or relying on parents for lifts and at a time when you'd rather be independent, they were not keen on that either. Any opportunities for part time work to earn money alongside school/college were out in the other towns, again relying on parents to pick up late at night when finishing shifts, or not bothering to work because it's a big effort to get there and back. Contrary to opinion, there were little open spaces to roam and be free, as it was all farmer owned land, the lanes were too dangerous for cycling around due to cars that 'know the roads' going too fast. There was more open space to enjoy in town life.

From what I saw, although a tight-knit community (forced together by village life), if your face didn't fit for any reason, especially as an 'incomer', life could be pretty miserable and lonely.

I know you seem to have made up your minds, but just thought I'd share what I saw when my own family moved for similar reasons. Same as you, they had thought it wasn't at all remote, but moved back eventually.

As another view... Currently I drive my 2 sons to a small village school 4 miles away. Although there's a school there, there are very few families with children in that village (which is why it's populated with children from outside), the families that moved there for village life with children are very often moaning about said village life, and how cut off their children are.

One thing the school really suffers from is less funding than 'normal' sized schools, and the resources are scarce, which is really obvious when we do things with other schools (sports, activities, trips etc) and see that our children are lacking many opportunities because of the situation of the slightly remote rural school.

The small secondary school is in similar situation. I'm sure the kids do OK, it has a wonderful community feel, however again, because of it's situation, the kids end up with much fewer opportunities to take part in things, or to really broaden their learning. Plus they come from a wider area and tend not to socialise much outside of school.

We are looking to move them to a town school, so if I had the choice between village life and the schooling - since you specifically mentioned schooling - I personally would choose school over the countryside until the children were old enough to get themselves around and not be hemmed in by village life.

Thank you for this; I'm not in any way expecting it to be easy, and know it might not go well, but I feel like I have to give it a go - otherwise, I'll be living with "what if?"

x

Kim_kim

iksbedd wrote: »

Don't you feel the pressure of the "Surrey set" - the competitive nature, the keeping up appearances - it all being about finances and money....

I don't want the kids to grow up in that.

No, I go to work. I mind my own business.

My daughter has since grown up and left home, but is only 8 miles away. Maybe it’s different with young children?

I do live and work in Surrey.

Savvy_Sue

iksbedd wrote: »

Don't you feel the pressure of the "Surrey set" - the competitive nature, the keeping up appearances - it all being about finances and money....

I don't want the kids to grow up in that.

Having moved from Surrey, can't say I ever felt that. I'd say that was within YOUR power to deal with.

As far as I could tell, DH and I were more 'white collar' than many of the parents at the boys' school, no idea what effect that had on income. However, our holidays were far more modest: we didn't go to Disneyland / Spain / anywhere foreign, usually a self-catering cottage in the UK. We had one car not two. Heck, we didn't have a TV at that stage! And we lived in one of the less posh areas of town, and sent our children to the local school rather than the more aspirational ones the other side of town. No-one batted an eyelid - and I wouldn't have cared if they had.

When we moved away from Surrey, we bought a much larger house - which we were only able to do because we were sharing it with a friend. The boys' friends recognised that we lived in a much larger house than most of them did - and they seemed to shrug their shoulders and accept that this is where we lived. Some kids are good at football, some are good at maths, some live in big houses, some live in small, some like reading, and so on.

I believe you can show your children what matters regardless of where you live.