Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

Willowtree222

Are you back in work now? I’m on half term this week. Hope you feel better later x

beanielou

Happy haqqlf term  xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks Beanie X 
I am going to write some stuff that is pretty sad now - so if you aren't in the mood then then really don't read on. 

I know a couple, one of whom is very ill, I am not supposed to know that is she is sick. They are moving house, and my friend, she doesn't want to move, he does though and she is so sad and angry about it. I know why he wants to move, because he doesn't want to be in a house without any memories of her and he thinks if gives her this "to do" she won't leave him, she won't give in. He wants to carry on as normal with all their plans, their low maintenance house that isn't too big and their weekends away (which she loves) as if they will get the retirement they have worked for. And they won't. It is so frightening and desperate. The kind of fear that swallows you whole. And no one can help it. When I saw her on Saturday she was the definition of fear and anger. And he was so much in pain. 

And then there is my darling best friend in all the world. She has found out that her mum has only months to live. Her Mum is a lovely woman. She is very accepting of her daughter, in fact of all her children. Welcoming when I was a kid. Always kind. I can't even write about that and how bad I feel. 
It is going to be a very difficult few months. That is why I need to make the house a safe place, I need to have it so that my friends can come over at least to the garden and conservatory. And that mum has somewhere nice to sit. 

Sun_Addict

The first story is a tough one. If the woman doesn’t want to move it could make her worse. That’s awful about your friend’s mum. Life can be very unfair 😢

in_need_of_direction

Buffy, I really hope that this doesn’t cause offence but I think you need to stop doing things that will help you help others and start doing what will help you.  As people say, you can’t drink from an empty well.  You need to put your physical and mental health first to avoid complete overload when supporting others.  If you feel that clearing things will make your life better, then do it but at a pace that’s right for you. Take the time to stand back and see what you’ve done on a job by job basis and allocate some time to sustaining the improvements before tackling the next jobs. 

On another note,I managed to acquire a regular gardener about two months ago.  What I’ve learnt is that I needed him to make in roads first before I could commit to making improvements.  It might be easier to hold off on anything garden related, except the pet stuff, until your gardener is on top of the routine stuff.  On Saturday I took a rusted and disintegrating plant pot to the dump because I could see that it’d help rather than seeing it as part of a big job that needed to be done. I got rid of a few weeds that had sprung up and we had breakfast outside yesterday.  I must confess, I also bought a new hanging decoration which was absolutely unnecessary. 

Anyhow, take care and know that we will all be here cheering you on

Buffythedebtslayer

Yeah INOD, I realise that as I read back it sounds like that. I don't think it is totally true. I honestly think it stems from a fear I have of being called selfish that I constantly check myself, I am not allowed to do things for me because that is selfish, so interesting that I think like that. I would love to have a clean and tidy house for me. It is a constant weight on me and makes my life frustrating and stressful but I have justify the disruption and upset this will cause for mum if I do sort it out, therefore I make the point it would benefit others? Weird huh. I do genuinely not want to leave her in a mess if I get to go away, so it is selfish in a way cos I just feel guilty about everything!!  Whatever the ins and outs of it all I know I can't go like this. I just opened a cupboard and an ironing board fell out! It is silly, no one irons, but each time it falls out I try to fix it back on it's hangy thing. Again. 
Currently not much is happening here. washing is on, I am watching monsters inc and contemplating breakfast. Which I think will be crunchie nut cornflakes. The back door is open and it is lovely and cool. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Sun_Addict said:

The first story is a tough one. If the woman doesn’t want to move it could make her worse. That’s awful about your friend’s mum. Life can be very unfair 😢

Yep it really really is. No rhyme or reason to it. 

Buffythedebtslayer

oo and re the garden, so if you imagine the garden divided up into 3 sections, the one at the back is the one I work on, so the gardener is doing the rest, those plans are for my bit. I really want it finished!! He can knock himself out in the rest of it. 

milann

I moved about 80 lavenders a couple of weeks ago.....some in pots at my house, some to ds garden and others I’ve given to various friends - they are all fine 👍so 🤞for yours. I had a lavender hedge which had to come out fro new fencing to go in.
Life can be very cruel. Take care 

Buffythedebtslayer

Ooh that is good on the Lavenders Milann. They have got so big and I love them but all the bees do freak me out - don't panic I don't hurt the bees, I just do much better when they aren't right in front of me! If I can move them to the back of the raised bed that would be great.
You take care too
XXX