Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 4 - The Aftermath

crazy_cat_lady

Thanks all. I have tried again but it was 2pm rather than half one and I've been told that I'm too late again and can I ring back at 8.30 in the morning. Jeez. I fully accept that I am very large (I know I am) but if it really were as easy as eating less and moving more then I would have done it by now. I have never been slim, although I have been smaller than I currently am - but I've been nagged about my weight since I was a child. I want to tell them that I am not a stupid human being and there's clearly more to it than 'eat less move more' but it never comes out like that. On the plus side I don't smoke, I rarely drink and I do some exercise every day. On the minus side I have a massive emotional attachment to food and quite often feel hungry when I really shouldn't. Ah well... 
I've not been very productive today at all. Got half a lesson written then went to walk ds to school, which he wanted when we left the house but he ditched me as soon as he saw some other school kids, so I decided to keep walking - ended up doing 6km so I'm quite pleased with that. It was hard though - it's not just emotional when I'm feeling like this, I get physically quite weak as well and don't have the stamina I know I do usually. That took me an hour and a quarter, and literally as I walked through the door dd was waiting for me with her shoes on and a shopping list in her hand, moaning because we had no bread in. So off we went to P3ts at h0me where I do my cat litter shopping, and also saw some of the usual food on a good offer so I bought that (£32 spent). Then off to the farm of the frozen foods where I bought £25 worth of golden chicken (again) - all because I'd noticed some space in the large freezer. Then Herr Aldee for the rest of the shop (£33 spent). Should keep us all going for a while (I really hope). So it was 2pm when I got home and I have some sweet potato curry leftovers which I'm busy heating for lunch and I rang the docs and failed again. Now I have to do 3 more lessons and voiceovers for tomorrow so I really need to be getting on.

crazy_cat_lady

Thanks for your advice OBL - I'm certain it's perimenopause - I'm 44 in a couple of weeks. It just seems to be getting worse and worse, and there are literally 7-10 days every month where I just can't function normally. That's quite a lot of time... I always used to think it was stress related but I can actually pinpoint it to 2 specific points in my cycle so I think the evidence for that seems more likely.

foxgloves

CCL - I agree with OBL that this is sounding very much like perimenopause symptoms. I had an awful perimenopause. I think my symptoms started at around 40 & my last period was 2 months before my 52nd birthday. In my mid-40s, having always been overweight, I knew I had to tackle it. My BMI put me in the morbidly obese category & over three years, I lost a tiny bit over 6 stones. I'd have liked to lose another stone & a half, but didn't & have been yo-yo-ing ever since. So I have been very big, much much smaller & I am currently sonewhere in between with my weight currently on a downwards trajectory ('Traffic light diet' plus allowing myself one 'eat what I want' cheat day a month. I am probably going to be controversial here because although I despise fat-shaming, my experience has demonstrated that there are no plus points to being obese. I spent years telling myself there are loads of size 10 couch potatoes (I've known a couple & don't know why they weren't the size of a house!) & even at my biggest, I was always quite active. But you know? The difference in how I felt physically having shed 6 stones was amazing. I was so much lighter on my feet, zipping around, much more flexible, my joints felt less weighted down..... all of this actually felt better than being able to fit comfortably into size 16 skinny jeans, & having a size 14 denim skirt lined up for my next size-drop (which I didn't reach). CCL, I think you have really identified that you are an emotional eater. I used to wonder if that was the cause of my weight, but unfortunately I had to reach the conclusion that I can just be a bit of a pig, love baking too much & going for coffee & cakes, plus takeaways (before the LBM of course!) Excess weight can affect hormones. Excess bodyfat can produce extra oestrogen which can make us bigger women oestrogen dominant. It can mess with our cycles. So what I think I'm trying to say is that a doctor may well suggest losing some weight as a means of regulating troublesome perimenopausal hormones. I don't think that is wrong, but fat-shaming is never acceptable & medical professionals who do it should be challenged on how exactly it is helpful, compared with encouragement & advice. On a more positive note.... while I had a dreadful perimenopause, I have sailed through the menopause itself with hardly any symptoms at all.
Hope you can get a helpful chat with a Dr, m'dear. I didn't bother. I did find symptoms improved a bit once I was eating really well & my weight was shifting downwards. This may not entirely be what you want to hear, but I feel able to relate to how you are feeling, CCL, because I've been there.
Love F xx

beanielou

As you may remember I lost my best boy when he was 20.
I chose to not always have the blood tests I was encouraged to(especially by younger vets)
Even now I still think I did the best thing.

Toni'sfriend

I never had a problem with the menopause apart from a few hot flushes but I know lots of people who have. And I suspect that most people who have know exactly what's causing it no matter what their doctors say. Your doctor sounds awful. Fat shaming - appalling! If you are a little large he (I'm assuming it's a man)  should be gently suggesting ways of helping you.  Sounds like lazy diagnosis to me. You have gone through an awful lot even before your current medical problems and COVID and you've done incredibly well to cope with it all. You can do this. Does your surgery have a practice nurse. I find they are sometimes a bit more realistic and sympathetic?

crazy_cat_lady

Thanks again for the kind words everyone. It is appreciated. You all know me well enough to know that I'm desperately unhappy at the size I'm at, and I would love to be slimmer than I am. I'm certainly not happy being overweight at all but it's used as the reason for everything else that's wrong with me. Hence I've never spoken to anyone about my sore ankle. DS is almost a teenager now but I can still remember being told by the consultant I saw when I was pregnant that I needed to be 2 stone lighter before I gave birth. No support - just humiliation. 
I know what I need to do, but I just can't find the motivation/time/break the habit whatever it is that I need to do. If I were an alcoholic or drug addict I would be offered some help of some description. And no Toni'sfriend - it's a woman doctor. There are 7 doctors at my practice and only 1 of them is a man - and he loves to prescribe lots of antidepressants and a sicknote. I will deal with any of them except the man and that 1 woman... I find that the others don't talk down to me and presume they know me better than I know myself. I was supposed to see the nurse for a full check up last year after my kidney infection but it never happened once the pandemic took off.
Anyway - I can moan for the rest of my life and nothing will change if I don't. I have done a good job at getting my 5 a day and my daily walk. Let's see if I can maintain that once I'm back at work next week. I just need to find a change that is sustainable, and I haven't been lucky with that so far.

ladyholly

Try and phone again in the morning. You really do need to see your dr. Even if you are overweight they should be helping not shaming you.

janb5

It is a reflection on their blinkered approach that their knee jerk reaction is to presume you`re depressed or that any issue is due to your weight.
I used to belong to a fabulous practice  where I lived and was there for 35 years.  Then everything changed and I didn't have any confidence in the doctors I saw.  So two months ago I moved practices and although I haven't` met` them I have had a much better time.  I think the final straw was when I had a telephone conversation during Covid ( I`ve been waiting over 2.5 years for an existing referral ) to be told ` well my father is in South Wales is waiting x time for oncology` which was totally unprofessional. I had also asked this doctor to email this hospital and she told me she`d write a letter.  So I moved practices and managed to get the appointment myself by ringing the department.

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all (just about)
Woke up ridiculously early this morning - 5.30am. Busy brain, but thinking a lot about psyching myself up to ring the doctors. Which I did. I rang at 8.32am and was 26th in the queue (2 minutes after it opened???) However, I did manage to get a phone appointment with one of the doctors I am happy to speak to. We had a lovely chat for 10 minutes, and I really felt as though she took me seriously. I explained to her that I'm a scientist with a PhD and a logical brain and she instantly started speaking to me differently. She was very sympathetic and listened to everything I had to say. We knew that my BMI is too high for some treatments but we have decided to try something new - back onto the mini pill, which I took when I was in my 30s and we'll see how that goes. I have also agreed that I need to do something about my weight and admitted that I can't do it on my own so I'm going to look into joining a group of some sort. I was always a SW girl but looking at WW they seem to have made some changes that look more like they address the bigger picture. Just need to kick myself up the backside and make a start.
I feel a bit better than I did yesterday, and much relieved now that I've spoken to the doctor and it wasn't terrible, but I am still sluggish and tired. Nonetheless I have caught up with my marking and school work - so just have some planning to do for next week, and I'm going to order a LOAD of practical stuff. Plus 2 meetings - Wednesday is meeting day at school. 
Still need to go for a walk, my ankle is very sore today so I think it will be a short one... and I need to wash my hair and do my eyebrows. Am also desperate to get the back of my mam's jumper finished (25cm to go) just so I don't see her disappointed face at how slow I am at knitting. And the state of the house is bugging me a little bit as well. 

ladyholly

I am so glad to hear you managed to speak to a Dr this morning and you have a plan. Joining WW is a great idea and I have found it helpful in the past. My only problem with them is forget to log on each day but it does work. They also have an activity tracker on the website so you can see how you are doing exercise wise. Good luck with your journey.