Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 4 - The Aftermath

beanielou

Another vote for DS to school.
They are not much fun at that age. 

crazy_cat_lady

Evening all.
Well I've made it to the weekend. Not that I have much of a weekend ahead because I'm shattered and behind on work. DS finally realised last night that I wasn't backing down so he started working. At last. And all day today, but he still needs to complete French and Geography over the weekend. I have told him that if he's not up and working by 9am Monday morning then he will be in school on Tuesday. Two days without his Xbox and finding that his work doesn't disappear if he ignores it has hopefully started working.
Managed a 45 minute walk yesterday with ds, just into town for golden chicken and then back again - but we went the long way round and it was quite cold as well. Felt better after that and got home in time for my meeting, which was basically the same message repeated over an hour - we don't know what is happening yet and won't for at least a couple of weeks. Basically the same as every other walk of life then so I shouldn't be surprised.
Then I did some marking, and tried to have an early night (quite unsuccessfully) and woke up at 4am, absolutely boiling, although it was -6 outside apparently. I'm blaming the hormones - it would explain that, the general lethargy and the bad mood since Tuesday as well. I got back to sleep just before 6 then could not get up when my alarm went off at half seven, I ended up dragging myself into the shower at 8 (even though I always shower before bed at night, I felt disgusting) but didn't wake up much. Definitely hormonal. DS was downstairs and raring to go by the time I got down to start work, but my motivation still wasn't there. It was quite tough juggling my work and helping ds but at least we made decent progress today. Both of us. I'm half planned for next week, but I really hope that things get easier.
On the plus side, I'm up to 6 nsd's out of 8 now - which is always good in January because there's never any money spare for anything. DD has the hang of the limited budget and I think ds might finally be getting it. Fingers crossed.
January takes for ever though doesn't it? There are still 22 days left in January after today. That's more than 3 weeks. And it's my sister's birthday tomorrow as well. I need to walk to her house with her card and pressie (bought before Christmas) - weather permitting. It's been snowing here all day and it's quite deep so I haven't walked today and I won't walk tomorrow if it's icy. My sister will understand.
At least I don't have the commute to worry about in this weather. I'm not allowed to go into work so I have to work from home.

crazy_cat_lady

I had a day off yesterday. Complete and utter day off apart from the bare minimum in the house, which is rubbish, recycling, dishes, cats and washing. I woke up feeling really meh and just couldn't get going. I was still snowed in, so good job I didn't need to do a f0xh0les and scrape ice off the outside and inside of the car and actually go anywhere. I got up, had tea, fell asleep on the sofa, got up again, had more tea, opened my laptop and stared at it for a while, got dressed, tried again with my work and failed again, watched rubbish telly, printed some stuff off, did nothing on the laptop, fell asleep on the sofa again. You get the picture... both kids went out yesterday with one allocated friend for a walk, but I didn't leave the house. I don't know if it was just sheer exhaustion, lockdown blues, hormones or a combination, but I definitely wasn't feeling it yesterday - just felt very overwhelmed by everything so did absolutely nothing. DD and I spent the evening watching game shows and I crocheted, then I made a list ready to tackle stuff today, and had an early night.
Good news is that I've woken up today feeling a bit more like my normal self. I got up, had tea, sorted the cats and then got straight on with work. I've uploaded all of tomorrow's lessons and half of Tuesday's lessons and I've marked all of the work that has been submitted to me so far. Just having a break to catch up on here and then get on with exam based stuff, while the motivation is still here. There's still a lot to do but I'm over half way. I have to fight ds for the last two lessons he still hasn't done as yet.
Other good news is that the snow has started to melt so I'm going to make sure that I go out for a walk at some point today. Wonder why my kids will walk with a friend each but neither of them will come with me for a walk? Must say I don't fancy it but I know that I'll feel much better when I do.
Other plans for the day are pretty non existent. More tea, more work and try not to stress if at all possible

janb5

Much better to listen to your body and have a well deserved rest rather than forcing yourself to drag yourself around.  Sounds like  it was a decision well made because you`re back on track.
 You have to be kind to yourself as well as everyone else!

crazy_cat_lady

Hello
Lost another couple of days there in the hell that is remote teaching and learning. Didn't mean to but there we go. I did my first ever live lesson today with my lovely Year 11 and it was an absolute nightmare. Think I'm going to stick with recording lessons unless they ask me to go live again. It was awful - they aren't allowed their cameras on, and they can't have the chat box open so you have this complete silent audience and then this one kid kept unmuting himself just to play really sweary rap music until I had to boot him out of the lesson. I mean why even turn up if you have no interest in learning? I just don't get it. And I felt so awkward talking, but knowing that the class was listening. It was just awful.
So between recording, teaching and marking my own lessons I've been keeping an eye on dd (not that she needs it) and ds, who is doing better than last week. He's only two lessons behind this at this time this week - it was 11 by this time last week. We're getting there very slowly. It's exhausting, and I keep saying it but it really isn't sustainable long term at all. This week has definitely been better than last week though, so I'm hoping that it will continue to get easier as time passes.
I've had a funny couple of evenings though - I'm definitely not coping as well with lockdown this time as I did last year. I've fallen into a lot of nostalgia - wishing I was back at university, or wishing for the days where I could just drop everything and go for a drink, or go out dancing until 2am or something. I asked my sister about it (she's a top notch psychologist), and she tells me that nostalgia is a coping mechanism. When your life feels rubbish, you look back on your past but only remember the good stuff (the rose tinted stuff). She's right, I've neglected to remember that I had a stalker, was constantly skint and hated the 3 mile walk in and out of town from uni. But it was so much fun... and I am a complete introvert nowadays but I really miss being able to go out with my friends. I used to eat out loads but have forgotten what that is like, and I've forgotten what it's like to fall into a taxi (or walk home) at chucking out time. And I used to go and watch lots of bands in London as well - god knows when that's going to happen again.
Not that I don't love my life now. I have my kids, my cats, my home, two brilliant jobs, lots of friends and loads to be grateful for. It's just hard to remember that when you can't go out, and you don't even have the routine of going to work. I love my kids more than life, but I miss being young and carefree. And some days it sucks being the only adult - I'm glad that work is keeping me busy...
In real world matters though. I got up and went to Arseda early morning Monday and was through and done before 8am. Best time to shop before the non-believers come out to play. Then prepped and uploaded lessons all day, then did some exam stuff, and some being a teacher to my own kids and got really tired. Repeat on Tuesday without Mr A, and repeat again today... except I managed to get a long walk out with ds today for the first time in days. The snow has gone and it's a bit warmer now so it's easier and all around more pleasant going out.
Sorry, I sound miserable... I was ok until this had gone on for almost a year with no end in sight. I don't like not being able to remember what my life was like before Covid. Ah well. I will survive because I always do and I'll get through it because I always do.
Budget remains intact (barely - I am counting down to payday at less than half way through the month), plenty of food in the house for humans and cats, heating is on, wifi is connected so there's no need to complain.

f0xh0les

hugs, hugs and even more hugs.    Being the grown up sucks.  

A 1990's kitchen disco sounds like just what you need on Friday night for having survived half of the year so far.

Show the kids who you were before you were awarded the title of Mum. 

The cats will still talk to you.

beanielou

Yes, it is certainly is harder now.

crazy_cat_lady

That's exactly what I need f0xh0les. I never thought in a million years I would miss socialising. I've always been awkward and introverted, but turns out even the most introverted of us need other people sometimes.
I wish I had a night out, meal out or get together to look forward to. I'm bored of my own company now - might need to look for an alternative 90's disco. I was all rock and Britpop and alternative in those days (and I seem to be still stuck there now, lol).

f0xh0les

CCL, the most exciting thing in my diary is giving blood at the end of January.  I do not count the dentist, that is totally not fun  - the Friday ordeal, me and the kids one after the other.   It has been delayed since last March though, so don't feel like I can cancel.

Buffythedebtslayer

Just sending love CCL, I know what you mean. I keep getting random urges to go dancing or go to the cinema. It seems much harder this time. X