Keeping Going For My Furbabies

astrocytic_kitten

Sounds like an excellent chat, I’m so glad. Hopefully it has lifted some of the tension and stress too. I will herefor stop abusing ex 😂

Good luck with the round of estate agents... what bad timing this all is. FWIW, I think people quite often go with ultra pushy estate agents thinking ‘well at least they’ll sell the place’, but as a buyer someone phoning daily to try to pressure me into a decision really puts me off. And 3k sounds very high for just selling. It’s a weird time for the market though, it does look like a global recession is coming, so it’s good you’re talking with ex about selling priorities etc.

StartingAgainAt29

@astrocytic_kitten well I'm expecting a few disagreements in the future (inevitable) so there may still be some abuse needed it was cathartic and I felt I was talking to the guy I'd known for 6 years, rather than the stranger that had been treating me like crap the past 5 months. Totally agree, neither of us want someone that's a bulldog salesman. We were texting a little last night as I had a couple of things I was thinking about re: the flat, like the fact we still have to factor in the fine for leaving the mortgage early if we sell before September, and wonder why our seller didn't use these guys if they have sold so many units in the building. Ex didn't really like the guy either. And my thoughts are, this guy may sell it, but how many does he sell and the price is right, not just a price to sell?

I've spent today just pottering round the flat, doing some much-needed washing and some reading (some on the balcony as it's a beautiful day, hello sun!) I cooked some soup for work lunches, tried a recipe from the bootstrap cook which I was really weirded out by but it also sounded good and I had all the ingredients already in. Is actually nice, worts soup I've done some yoga and now waiting for my mum to come round for Mother's Day. I know with social distancing it's probably frowned upon but I've seen my mum so much the past couple of days I don't think it's going to make much difference! [redacted]

Have a good Sunday everyone

Chrystal

Hope everything is OK.. you're very quiet?  
Glad that you cleared the air with Ex, it helps to give closure.  
Let us know that you are alright when you get a minute.  XX

astrocytic_kitten

Hi @StartingAgainAt29, I came on here to say the same - I hope everything’s ok. Hoping you and the furbabies are keeping safe xx

StartingAgainAt29

Hi guys, thanks for checking in on me! I'm here, and I'm alive! (Just about! )

I've missed my daily check-ins, but work has been so frantic I've barely had any time for anything. I might forget some things I want to update so this might not be the only post today.

[redacted]

We moved all our stuff on Wednesday, so we've been WFH properly since yesterday. It's weird, and the boys (especially cat2) are all up in my business all the time but at least it shows they love me I'm working tomorrow which I don't normally do, but we've been promised £15 an hour so that softens it. I'm not sure what I'm going to get this month as I was ill two days, but the extra money will hopefully bring me back up to what I am normally.

(PS if there's anyone in London who is interested in a fruit and veg box hit me up....we've had rave reviews, including from my mum :P)

Food and health wise, yesterday was the first chance I got to run so I did a brisk 3 miles. I'm overflowing with food as a result of my mum bringing me stuff, and from having the fruit and veg box delivered today. My tiny fridge/freezer can't fit it all so I'm going to have to do some clever eating for the next couple of days. Not a bad problem to have when I was feeling super skinny after not eating for 3 days lol. I was struggling to get the boys' food but my mum's managed to get me some, and my kind neighbours have given me some too (one left it as a present on my doorstep with a note "sorry for the dog barking overnight"....I didn't even hear the dog so win for me!) I've got cramp in my right calf which happens when I don't eat properly/move....so trying to work on that. Housework has gone down the pan but I'm hoping to run the hoover round before work tomorrow.

I got good news yesterday as my water bill has gone down from £36 a month to £22

So flat/ex wise....after all this went down, ex contacted the estate agents that were meant to come here on Saturday and they offered to do a virtual valuation....I didn't see the point. Then my mum contacted the local agent for me and he said they couldn't do anything about putting on the market for 3 weeks anyway, that the agent we had come round last week were close to going bust which is why he was so hardcore, and that we would struggle to get £240k for this (we paid £262k).

So with that in mind, I phoned ex and told him that I don't think we should put this on the market for the foreseeable, if we put it on at £240k-£260k we may never get back what we paid....and he agreed. The market is crashing/has crashed and they think it might be this way for 12 months. Now, don't think I'm crazy, but I said to him that if this was going to end up being a long-term thing, that he could move into the spare room. I said as long as we are civil, I don't mind doing so, for a few reasons:

1. Him being here and paying his way helps me with the bills
2. He's paying half whether he's here or not, and if he's not benefitting from the place in terms of living he will resent it/me, and will want to sell asap
3. I feel bad the spare room is going to waste, it's a pretty big flat really and it seems sad that room never got properly used

I had a good think before I said that to him, things like would it be weird for me, would I want him back, would I miss the relationship, and the answer is no. I've grown beyond him and the relationship, and I only have to think about how his passiveness and downbeat attitude made me feel to have a big NO in my heart. He said he would think about it, but from his tone of voice I think he'll seriously consider it. He's sleeping on a mattress on the floor in his parent's house as they sold his bedframe when he left, there is a bedframe in another room but he can't use that because it's "for show". These are the types of people I'm dealing with!!!! There would be things to sort out in terms of cleaning, and having people (ie new girlfriends) round, but that's a matter for another day.

So that's it for now...I've got a glass of merlot in front of me, and I'm going to have salmon (which my mum very kindly gave me) and a baked potato....I may have a flash of inspiration later and post again

I hope you are all keeping safe and well, and not going too stir crazy!!!!!

StartingAgainAt29

Already remembered something  I got a call from NHS Talking Therapies, I start cbt next week 

astrocytic_kitten

I remember during the last crash someone saying to me the only thing worse than being busy at work in the commercial sector right now is being quiet... sounds a bit like that sort of time for you. Glad your company has managed to pivot so quickly and it sounds like it’s been a rewarding few days on the customer side, I do hope things calm down for you soon though.

The ex moving in.......... I think you can probably predict everything I have to say about that 😂 It has the potential to be very messy and very stressful, and your resetting of the relationship after clearing the air is pretty new and hasn’t been tested yet. Obviously you know the situation better than any of us here, and I hear that you’ve thought about it long and hard, but I’d suggest that if possible you don’t make any major decisions till you’ve had a chance to catch your breath and collect your thoughts etc. And maybe write a pros and cons list of having him move in v you getting a lodger? 

Chrystal

Glad you're OK
I agree with AK as it's much easier to get into the situation of ex moving back into the flat than it would be to get out of that situation if it went badly wrong.  You need at least a few weeks to let things settle and make pro/con lists that are realistic.  ((hugs))

StartingAgainAt29

Hi @astrocytic_kitten and @Chrystal yeah I understand where you're both coming from. I'd probably say the same if it was one of my friends in the situation. The thing is, I have always said to him (even when he was being a d i c k to me) that he has always had the option of coming back here, or me getting a lodger so he doesn't have to pick up the mortgage. I even said that to him the other day when he was here, like look, if it looks like we're not going to be able to shift this for a while, I will get someone in so you don't have to pay your half of the mortgage. The thing is he doesn't want a lodger as it makes it awkward to sell (although if it's going to be a while anyway then that's not that much of an issue), and I don't know how I would stand getting a lodger in against his wishes. There's nothing we can do while we're in lockdown anyway, and maybe once that's all done I'll talk to him again. My worry is that for the next year or so the price is going to be rock bottom so he'll be wanting to just sell it because he doesn't want to be tied to it/me any more. ETA: and I need him onside if we do still have it in September and we need to redo the mortgage!

We'll see. The market may pick back up again when this is all over anyway. Ugh, back to my spare room to work I should be grateful but I'm exhausted!!

StartingAgainAt29

Quick check in as I've paid some money off my CC - I'm up to 32% paid now, and down to £884.28. I'm really struggling working today, finding it really tedious. It doesn't help that both my stomach and bladder are flaring because of stress, I'm tired and just bored! Day 3 of lockdown for me and I'm done