Keeping Going For My Furbabies

kmcld2

After that I made fajitas and sat down with some wine, was chatting with a guy on a dating app. Was having a nice time so we moved it to Whatsapp. I later said good night and put my phone down, went to sleep. Woke up this morning, he's told me to "hang on", and readers.......he sent me a d i c k pic! So he's been blocked and reported to the app. If I have any male readers - why is this a thing? Do men think we want to see that? We had some flirty banter going on but not to that extent!!

I’ve been sitting reading your diary from the start and am thoroughly enjoying it.  Well done!  You’re doing really well.
Have to say the picture you got had me howling.  I could only imagine the look on your face! 

Tahlullah.H

Did you score it out of 10 before blocking?  The arrogance of some people!

StartingAgainAt29

kmcld2 said:

After that I made fajitas and sat down with some wine, was chatting with a guy on a dating app. Was having a nice time so we moved it to Whatsapp. I later said good night and put my phone down, went to sleep. Woke up this morning, he's told me to "hang on", and readers.......he sent me a d i c k pic! So he's been blocked and reported to the app. If I have any male readers - why is this a thing? Do men think we want to see that? We had some flirty banter going on but not to that extent!!

I’ve been sitting reading your diary from the start and am thoroughly enjoying it.  Well done!  You’re doing really well.
Have to say the picture you got had me howling.  I could only imagine the look on your face! 

Thanks for reading @kmcld2! Well, I saw it at 6:30 in the morning, and all I could think was "it's too early for this sh**"....and I messaged my friend and asked her "Is this my life now?"  

 Tahlullah.H said:

Did you score it out of 10 before blocking?  The arrogance of some people!

0/10, would not recommend! 

StartingAgainAt29

Hi everyone, meant to be working but can't concentrate so thought I'd try and be a little productive to spark some motivation....
Ok so last time I updated was Monday. I was very low, but I was quite productive considering. I did most of my CBT reading, and then decided to walk down to the Aldi down the road from me. Couldn't believe how much the temperature dropped since the weekend! Had to stand in a queue for around 15 minutes, not too bad considering. I spent £17, part of that was white wine that I was craving (not sure I should admit that lol), and 19p on a sloth chocolate lollypop that was the first thing that had made me smile all day so I bought it. Got some fruit and veg, and some bits for the boys. Lugged it all home, had lunch and started the new series of RuPaul's Drag Race. After a few episodes of that I finished my CBT reading, and did my homework. Not going to lie, I did cry doing it, I think it's looking at patterns and realising why I'm behaving this way that makes it all seem very real. I don't mind being emotional like that, in a way it broke my "low" mood because I actually felt something rather than just blah...I did my first live yoga via zoom, it was good but harder than I was anticipating, I've not been to classes by this woman before and she's quite intense! I am glad I did it though, it rounded off the rubbish day and I felt better moving into the evening. 

Yesterday I woke up feeling ok...my stomach hasn't been great lately which often makes me feel woolly headed, and I definitely felt that way yesterday. Especially during CBT, she'd ask me questions that ordinarily I'd be able to answer but nothing was coming to me, I think she thought I didn't understand what we were doing. Having CBT at this point in time is really a god send,[redacted] We then went over my homework and I did get quite emotional...she thought she'd upset me, but I told her it was just realising why I am the way I am which makes me cry but as a release. I finished the call pretty drained and my mind was everywhere. I muddled through work, and then went for a walk afterwards, with a detour to my mum's who had got a meat delivery and she gave me some steaks and chicken. She didn't want anything for it which was very nice! Had steak and cous cous for dinner, chilled with Netflix then went to bed.

Today my stomach isn't great again, but pretty sure it's just the stress of everything. So glad I have a day off tomorrow. I'm going to try and run, clean the flat a bit, finish the bookclub book as it's tomorrow night, and go to the post office if it's open - I messaged a cat friend on Insta and offered them the hats I get for the boys for their Instagram as I use them once and then don't do anything with them. Their family is having a rough time and thought it would cheer them up

I don't think I spoke about it here but I claimed a £20 amazon giftcard from Mobilexpressions which came through in a couple of hours. I added it to my Amazon account, and ordered some hair care and cuticle oil with it (my hands are a state at the moment, really sore). 

I worry sometimes I go too much into the emotional side of my life here rather than the financial...but especially with what's going on atm I feel like there's not much to talk about finance wise. I did get a letter from my management company yesterday, but in my fuzzy-headed state I barely looked at it....think it's a statement of accounts, it better not be another payment demand or I'm going to send another sh**y email! I did get my earrings yesterday, and they did cheer me up after having an emotional time. Sadly one of them is missing an opal, but I emailed the company and they came straight back and said they're going to send a replacement one so that's all good. The small ones fit my third lobe hole perfectly

Cat2 is going mental playing with a piece of black plastic that I don't know where it's come from but he literally carries it from room to room...he seemed in a bit of a mood yesterday but seems back to his normal self today. Maybe he was just picking up on my mood?

I'd better go and do some work

StartingAgainAt29

Hey everyone it's FRIDAY!! And a proper Friday for me as I'm not working tomorrow

Ok so I can't even remember what I did after I updated on Wednesday...that's bad isn't it. Every day rolls into one. Although ex did get a parcel sent here (reckons he gave his new job this address when he'd not been living here for months when he changed job....ok then). My mum was out and about so picked it up and dropped it to him. He's got yet more post here but I CBA to text him atm.

Yesterday was really nice and felt very productive as I was off work, I got up and went out to the post office to find it was closed but I went to Sainsburys anyway and got some wine, cornettos (Sainsbury's version), a nice roll and some pasta for £7. Came home, organised the under-sink cupboard in the kitchen that's been bothering me for literally months, found tonnes of cleaning stuff which is good, and then deep-cleaned the kitchen. I sent my mum £4.40 for some cat food she got for me. Did some washing, washed the sofa throws, did the boys' litter tray, hoovered and mopped, did some reading! Watched some NowTv....it just felt like a really nice day, without the stress of work. I had my bookclub call, most of us hadn't finished the book so that was great, but had a good catch up for a couple of hours. Then jumped on my uni friends' call and played a game with them for a bit. Then it was 11pm and I needed to go to sleep. Had a really nice, positive day though.

Today, woke up tired which isn't a good start, but I got up, dressed and did some work. Struggled to get through my emails and had some REALLY annoying customers but never mind...then went to the Post Office again and ended up having a row with the bloke that owns the corner shop it's in. It was a "you're rude" "No YOU'RE RUDE!" type of thing. He tried to kick me out but I told him no and went and waited for the PO to open again (it's a long story and involved the PO having their lunchtime and the bloke lied to me about me getting to go next....stupid really). TBF both my mum and ex have had a row in there, and ex is the most placid person on the planet most of the time so I know it's not just me if he's managed to get into a row in there lol. I did apologise on the way out because I'd rather not be banned from my local shop at this time I managed to post the parcel anyway so that's what matters. Came home, had one of those productive but doesn't really feel productive afternoons...I did have like 5 minutes where I had every single email replied to though which felt amazing.

So now I'm sat with the prospect of an entire 2 days off......oh yeah and my yoga teacher is now doing zoom classes so I'm going to do one tomorrow! She's charging £5, I had £10 left from my class pass anyway so that's two classes for me sorted. I'm so glad as I've really missed it, it really sets the tone for the weekend.

The plan for tonight is some wine, put my washing away and then watch a film....then tomorrow it's yoga, hoover the flat, some reading and then I've got a call with my two besties in the evening. Then Sunday I'll try to go for a run, then chill and cook which I've not done (nor had to do!) in a while. I've done a few PA surveys so hoping I can get a payout soon.

Think that's it for now. Cat2 is still super soppy but his mood seems a bit better...Cat1 had his crazy morning of the week today, starting fights....just like his mum I suppose

Have a good evening everyone!

kmcld2

Have a lovely weekend!

bd80s

So just caught up with your diary, sorry you had a few days of feeling really down and struggling, it is hard at this time when standard things aren't possible and it causes extra worry for everyone, just remember one day at a time and look for a positive in each day (even if its a little chocolate lollipop )
With your work situation I agree with some of the others but would definitely say email your concerns to your boss again and make sure you keep copies, if you don't get satisfactory responses raise it with your HR department, issues with co workers are hard enough at a normal time and it isn't fair that you are being made to feel like you just want to quit, if your boss doesn't suggest a mediation session for the pair of you or address it the your HR department need to address it. I know its not easy but working in that kind of environment is very difficult and very draining. 
Love that the boys are both having some funny five minutes, just once I would love to be able to hear their thoughts  

StartingAgainAt29

kmcld2 said:

Have a lovely weekend!

Thank you! Hope you had a good one! 

bd80s said:

So just caught up with your diary, sorry you had a few days of feeling really down and struggling, it is hard at this time when standard things aren't possible and it causes extra worry for everyone, just remember one day at a time and look for a positive in each day (even if its a little chocolate lollipop )
With your work situation I agree with some of the others but would definitely say email your concerns to your boss again and make sure you keep copies, if you don't get satisfactory responses raise it with your HR department, issues with co workers are hard enough at a normal time and it isn't fair that you are being made to feel like you just want to quit, if your boss doesn't suggest a mediation session for the pair of you or address it the your HR department need to address it. I know its not easy but working in that kind of environment is very difficult and very draining. 
Love that the boys are both having some funny five minutes, just once I would love to be able to hear their thoughts  

I think if we could see into the boys' heads most of the time I think it would just be tumbleweeds....I love them to pieces but they are never going to be members of MENSA 
[redacted]


[redacted]

[redacted]

StartingAgainAt29

I'll leave the rant there and update in a fresh post....

So the weekend wasn't what I thought it would be. Woke up on Saturday with a blinding headache that wouldn't go. I did do my scheduled yoga but that didn't help with the headache. Spent a lot of the day asleep. Then woke up at 7:30, realising I forgot to feed the cats and I had a video call with my besties lol. We were on the phone until past midnight, I accidentally locked Cat2 in the bathroom (I went in there to brush my hair and he snuck in), so when I couldn't find him for treat time at 10pm I realised what he'd done. He'd taken all the loo roll off the roll in protest. I suppose I deserved it!
One thing I've spoken about to both besties and my uni group is a guy who I spoke to briefly on a dating app, came out the woodwork last week to ask if I wanted to go for a "ride" when he was in town the next day. I said no because of the current situation, he thought it was funny. The thing is he told me he's a police officer! People have told me to report but that it could be an in-depth process for me...it's a bit outing but I have dealt with the police after reporting something and it was not good for my mental health, they tore me apart. So if this guy is a police officer I want him to be at least told off but not at the sake of my mental health...what would you guys do? It was done over texts so I have the proof. It's weighing on my mind and I'm not sure what to do for the best. 
Sunday I got up early as couldn't sleep, then was knackered so slept until 1. I did some cleaning, not a lot, went for a walk around 7, and then made butter bean stew, 3 portions, one portion for the freezer and one for tomorrow's dinner as well.

And then today...just feeling rubbish again. I have loads and loads and loads of dinner food in the cupboards so I need to work on bringing that down. I do need to go to Aldi for some bits but I only technically have £5 in my monzo account as I bought some toiletry and skincare bits over the weekend (literally 7 items have finished at once!) I still have the money in my overpayment pot so I'm not broke, I have enough for food, I just didn't want to dip into it. I've cashed out £11.79 from PA so I think I'll put that into my monzo spending pot instead of a savings pot as usual.

I need to do some yoga tonight, when I don't do anything for a couple of days it's like my digestion completely slows down. I haven't felt hungry all day, and normally if I don't eat breakfast I am ravenous. Need to get moving again.

StartingAgainAt29

Right ok just had CBT so feeling a bit better mood wise...
I ended up spending £20 in Aldi yesterday, so I had to take some money out of my OP fund. I got loads of Easter chocolate for 19p each and I'm not even feeling guilty. I will do my best not to go food shopping next week but I will probably need things like bananas and chocolate brioche, and my mum's ordered a few bits from her online shop so I'll need to give her the money for those. Just need to remember not to spend on anything else!

My appetite has been rubbish the past few days, but made myself have dinner last night and I feel it's a bit more in sync now. Realised yesterday I haven't been eating as much fruit and veg so that needs to be a priority.

CBT we spoke a lot about negative thoughts and predictions. A huge thing for me is that although I write a list of what I need to do, I don't plan or give myself any structure, especially on days I'm not working. So one of my homework tasks is to strategically plan each day, not too intense for now but just have an overview of what I need to do. I think that will help.

Going to try and run tonight, might only do a short run as my stamina is not good right now, and I don't want to try too much and get disheartened. Even if I only do a mile rather than 3, it's better than nothing isn't it. I can worry about extending my runs when it's a bit less crazy.