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Keeping Going For My Furbabies
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Hi everyone, another quick check in. I'm really struggling mentally and physically. I am exhausted, spent half of yesterday asleep, and my pain is so bad my normal painkillers aren't touching it. The condition I have mimics infection symptoms, so I feel really really crap. I went to Aldi to get out of the house (walked down) and spent £15 on some food. I get paid tomorrow. Trying to work out if I should do £90 or lower for food budget this month (I spent over my £90 goal this month but that was due to having to get stuff I wouldn't normaly to cover what I couldn't get). I have so much in the cupboards and the freezer. I think I will put £80 as my grocery budget and see how I go.I have my first CBT session tomorrow, I did the questionnaire this morning. Someone bought one of my listings on ebay (I forgot I had it live) so I need to message the woman about it as there's no way I can go to the PO tomorrow. If she doesn't want to wait I'll refund, can't be stressing over that on top of everything else.Once I'm paid tomorrow I'll do my usual moving money around and I'm sure I'll have some updates. I sent £9.27 to my phone via Zipzero so I added that to my money made in March.Nov 19 CC was: £1334.95 Now: £0!! 1% challenge - 100% Savings:£300.83February take lunch to work: 19/18
Made in Feb: £41.68 Made in March: £32.15
Made in April: £31.79, Made in May: £30.183 -
hi, sorry to hear that you are struggling, that isn't good at this point. If you aren't feeling very well you definitely need to sleep and rest, its the best way to led your body refresh itself
Try not to stress too much about grocery budget, you need to spend what you need to spend to make sure you have the food that you need and added stress won't help you.
Hope your session goes well and you start to feel better soon.
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Thanks @bd80s, you're right I need to let myself rest if I need to. I push myself a lot but I need to learn when to stop.I feel a lot better today, feel like I can see the wood for the trees a bit. I didn't start off that way, but CBT was really good, even just as an assessment, it was a release and it's good to get the process started. We're going to work on my self-esteem, and she said I have some depression symptoms. She recommended a book which I've ordered on Amazon, was just over £10, it was slightly less on Kindle but I wanted the book in case I need to make notes etc. I've also got homework
I had a cry while on the phone, and explained I feel like I'm in a black hole in this flat with all the calls, emails and other stuff I'm expected to do. She stressed to me the importance of destressing, especially to get this flare under control, which today hasn't been as bad and I think it's because I took a step back from the calls today. I managed to clear my inbox which feels amazing (I had 300 in there that needed some kind of attention), so tomorrow I won't be met with an already full inbox.
I've just got back from a brisk stroll, saw some of the lovely rainbow pics, one said "storms don't last forever" and I think I needed to see that today. I feel good, adrenaline going a bit, got fresh air in the park, watching the sunset. I feel good so I'm going to hold onto this feelingI think dinner is going to be an omelette with lots of veg, and maybe a vodka and peach water if I'm feeling naughty! I got paid today and because I worked Saturday I got what I usually do even with the two sick days. I've moved it all around, I've set my grocery budget at £80, but if I go over then it doesn't matter. I just have so much in the cupboards and freezer that I should be able to do £20 a week, the boys have got food for the next couple of weeks too. My dad has asked me to put £10 on his phone so I'll do that later, I won't get it back for a while but never mind. I'm just hoping he's behaving himself and staying inside!!Anyway I'll go as my stomach's rumbling. Hope you're all ok. Storms don't last foreverNov 19 CC was: £1334.95 Now: £0!! 1% challenge - 100% Savings:£300.83February take lunch to work: 19/18
Made in Feb: £41.68 Made in March: £32.15
Made in April: £31.79, Made in May: £30.185 -
So glad the storm passed and you’re feeling more in control, hope it’s continuing through to today. I’m a convert and evangelist on the importance of destressing, especially with chronic illness, but I also regularly ignore my own advice - I’ve been pushing through lately too and I’m now suffering for it too. It’s one of those things where I never regret taking a break and getting my stress levels down, and doing it regularly and consistently helps more than any meds...but sometimes it also feels like the last thing I want to do and I get stuck in the ‘just 5 more minutes to get this finished’ mindset and before you know it I’ve spent an entire day in a high stress state.
Debt at LBM (Dec 2018): £23,167
Debt free Feb 20211 -
havent been on here in a while & so glad to catch up on your posts, still makes me smile
glad ex is being a bit more reasonable. Again I would echo others re him moving back in. I think it would work temporarily but i think it would get really difficult if either of you ended up having another partner around.
sucks to hear about the price of the flat dropping so much but I guess it's mainly due to the market right now as opposed to the flat in itself having fallen in value. A friend of mine took a 50k hit on a property - ouch!
congrats on the cbt. I undergo therapy as well. I think it's good you cried. I've been going for over a year & havent cried ... my therapist probably thinks i'm broken but has never said that XD1 -
Well the storm didn't pass for very long
Yesterday was one of the roughest days I've had in a very long time. It felt on the same level as when my ex left.
[redacted]I put a post on my Insta and I had so many nice responses, I've got a couple of video calls tonight with friends and others have asked to arrange them with me. I know everyone is struggling, I am just having a really hard time coping at the moment. I cried so much yesterday my eyes are really puffy and tbh I look like a frog lol.I cancelled the ebay sale because I just cba with it right now. The money's nice but only if I'm feeling well enough to post stuff.@astrocytic_kitten yeah it's hard isn't it. Sometimes I forget that I'm "ill" and think well they can do it why can't I.....but my body has no problem telling me when to stop, I just need to listen. It's hard having "Invisible disabilities" and being able to live a normal life like 80/90% of the time, I think people sometimes don't believe, and they certainly don't understand.Little_green, I've never had a problem crying lol, but that doesn't make you broken. Do you think your therapy has helped? Yeah the property market....it's terrible. Whatever happens this flat will sell, it would make a great rental property, it's just whether we get the money we need from it. We'll see re:ex, he got some post yesterday but I really didn't feel up to messaging him to let him know...it's weird because he seems to want a back and forth from me, like we're friends, but we're not are we? My head is all over the place atm so I'm leaving that one be, he'd have to come over here by bus as he doesn't drive, he hasn't said he's waiting for anything.[redacted]
Nov 19 CC was: £1334.95 Now: £0!! 1% challenge - 100% Savings:£300.83February take lunch to work: 19/18
Made in Feb: £41.68 Made in March: £32.15
Made in April: £31.79, Made in May: £30.182 -
Oh StartingAgain, I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. You’ve been under so much stress for ages with the breakup, and your ex and his family invading, and selling and all the stress that brings, and being ill... it’s the worst possible time to have a once in a generation national crisis and being stuck inside working long hours on top of that.
I’m so glad you’re setting up video calls with friends etc. Yes lots of people are struggling right now but that doesn’t make your feelings any less valid, keep on reaching out for support.I hear you on invisible disabilities, it’s so tough. You never know if you should keep quiet and have people think badly of you for ‘not keeping up’, try to keep up and have a massive flare and crash, or tell people why you have to take more time or can’t do something and have them think you’re exaggerating or not believe you. I’ve come to think that people who think badly of you are going to do so regardless and it has very little to do with you and is all about their history / insecurities.I hope your call with your boss was ok. Based on your descriptions of him previously it seems that the company culture has been formed in his image. Take care of yourself, and we’re here for you xDebt at LBM (Dec 2018): £23,167
Debt free Feb 20212 -
Hi @StartingAgainAt29, just checking in to see how you’re getting on?Debt at LBM (Dec 2018): £23,167
Debt free Feb 20212 -
Hi @astrocytic_kitten, thanks for checking in on me!I've been a bit up and down to be honest. I had my morning off on Thursday which was nice, had a lie in and did yoga. Then I had to join a conference call and it was all going wrong at work. It was mostly ok until the end of the work day, and then just as I was about to log off it all went to poo. I was meant to finish at 6 but didn't get done until 7. I had a video call scheduled with some friends so I had to push it back, so I could have dinner. The call did lift my spirits, but so did the red wine I had
I was part way through the call when my boss rang, so I answered it. I wasn't overly happy with how it went, he poo-pooed me off a bit as he's having issues with his other company that he co-owns that might be going under due to all of this, in a "we all have issues" type thing. So that didn't sit well with me. BUT, I did manage to tell him everything I felt about this woman at work, and I said again look I can't carry on like this. Earlier on in the day he'd tasked me with setting a rota for us all so we were only working 5 days as usual, with people covering the Saturday. I finished the video call with my friends quite late, and went to sleep.
Friday I was expecting it to be manic as I'd scheduled two of the girls off so they could work Saturday. We still had overspill from deliveries so we were expecting people to be angry. But actually it wasn't too bad, and I finished the day not feeling too bad, just glad it was Friday. I went for a run, and then felt a bit peaky after, so went to bed.Saturday thinking about it now I can't even remember what I did lol: I cleaned the flat and then mostly chilled the rest of the day. I caught up with one of my friends over the phone for a couple of hours, she's got illness issues as well so was good to see how she's been getting on. Today I woke up and it was a beautiful day. I was going to run but I've been feeling headachy again the past couple of days. I did some more cleaning and washing, and then I walked to my mum's as she had some food and bits for me, and I counted it as my exercise and I didn't go in the house. Came home and sat on my balcony for a bit. My hospital appointment for later this month has been cancelled, it's not major but I do rely on the monthly treatment to keep me feeling normal so I'm a bit worried I'll end up with more flares. Will have to be super careful.MSE-wise, I ran out of sea-salt spray that I use on my hair (I have straight hair that I let air dry most of time atm), so I made my own with some hair oil, water, and sea salt from my kitchen. Worked pretty wellI've been given a £55 credit from my water company so I won't put anything in the joint account for the next two months, will give me £22 to play with for the next two months. I got a letter from the management company demanding the rest of the balance when we'd agreed to give it monthly (tbf April's payment I should've done the 1st of the month but with everything going on I forgot). So I sent April's payment and an email reaffirming that I would be paying monthly. I have made a few amazon orders as it's difficult for me to get certain products that I use on a daily basis, and I'm trying to keep my routine as normal as possible. I ask the delivery guys to leave it downstairs and I go and get it so they don't have to walk around my building.
I've scheduled myself to work the next three days, then Thursday and Friday off, then work Saturday, then Sunday and Monday off. I can cope with that.I will try and check in daily as I miss it. Hope you've all had a good weekendNov 19 CC was: £1334.95 Now: £0!! 1% challenge - 100% Savings:£300.83February take lunch to work: 19/18
Made in Feb: £41.68 Made in March: £32.15
Made in April: £31.79, Made in May: £30.182 -
hi @StartingAgainAt29 your posts still make me smile! i actually look forward to checking in on this thread!
sorry to hear things have been a bit rubbish. Having to work with awkward people is really difficult situation & sucks. She sounds like the type that others can see her as doing no wrong though which makes it worse. I think you were brave to talk to your boss about it so kudos.
Hoping this week is better for you *hugs*1
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