Keeping Going For My Furbabies

Elisheba

Hi @StartingAgainAt29, I very much relate to you about feeling more free now you are on your own and aren't living with someone else with different money values to you.   I'm sure I did benefit in some ways from my ex's more spendthrift ways, and put frugality to the back of my mind as we frittered away our 20's, but it is a lot easier to sort things out on my own!

Your ex and his mum are taking the absolute mickey with all this so called 'work' they are doing.  He'll be used to getting away with things, and will just keep doing that. If I were you I'd tell him he needs to give you 24 hours notice or its not happening, and he doesn't touch your stuff. Also, your boss!  I'd seriously consider the London job, or at least another job.  Its hard with a small company, but you should not have to put up with that sort of un-constructive behaviour.  

StartingAgainAt29

Hi @db2016 thanks for your comment, what you say is really interesting. The company that has the video splits it 50/50, I think the small profit was from their YouTube channel where they hosted the video.
@Elisheba sounds like we are in a similar position re exes. I agree with what you've said about both ex and boss, just rubbish situations.

So to keep you all up to speed, ex told me yesterday by text that they would be coming round Sunday as they couldn't do the wallpapering they'd planned to do as they need to move some wires....said wires have been exposed for weeks (they did it) so why they've only just thought of that I don't know. I told him this weekend doesn't work for me, he told me if I don't allow access this weekend I'd have to pay someone else to do it. Well, readers, I went ballistic. Phoned him up and gave everyone at work in the hallway a good show. Told him I was not bowing down to them for doing this work, or crying them a river, or being grateful - all this is his problem because he's the one that wants to sell. Told him he had Friday 14th to work but he decided to go gallavanting off with his gf instead. Told me that's none of my effing business. We went back and forth, he called me dirty again but he was talking about the mould in the bathroom, which appeared because HE broke the extractor fan. I told him he's disrespected me the whole way through this process, and if he wants us to come together as a team he's going to have to buck his ideas up. Then hung up on him I was shaking I was so angry. My adrenaline was pumping for ages after. He messaged me after I hung up to say "I already apologised about the late notice this morning" but I just ignored it. I am not leaving the flat on Sunday if they come round, he won't play the big man when he's in front of me because he's a coward. When I told him they'd covered my stuff in bleach he made the noise teenagers make in their throat when you ask them to do something. Good riddance. I did notice last night though that he's finally kicked me off his Netflix   Never mind, both my mum and best friend have sent me theirs so I won't go without! 

I went and collected the jumper and scarf last night, they are so soft and she told me she'd hand knitted the scarf herself. Will definitely be good for Peru.

After that I made fajitas and sat down with some wine, was chatting with a guy on a dating app. Was having a nice time so we moved it to Whatsapp. I later said good night and put my phone down, went to sleep. Woke up this morning, he's told me to "hang on", and readers.......he sent me a d i c k pic! So he's been blocked and reported to the app. If I have any male readers - why is this a thing? Do men think we want to see that? We had some flirty banter going on but not to that extent!!

Got paid today, moved all my money around. I've only put £8 into my Good Riddance Fund as I've put most of my spare money towards the CC. Didn't bring lunch in today, going to treat myself maybe to a katsu curry because this week has been pants! 

[Deleted User]

I don't post very often, but always reading, and all I can say is good on you for standing your ground!!!

X

astrocytic_kitten

I know you’re being forced to sell and have a stressful time of selling and moving ahead.... but part of me can’t wait till you’re all settled somewhere new with the kitties and you can just relax and never have to deal with your ex again. He seems to be making things as stressful as possible.

As for the dating app... I also want to know why some men think this is a good idea. Just....why?!! 

StartingAgainAt29

Thanks @SSDD23! Yes @astrocytic_kitten I completely agree, as much as I love the flat and where it is, I can't wait to have a space that's completely my own, where I don't have to worry about coming home to what's been moved or criticisms of how I live. My ex isn't doing this because he's a bad person or he wants to stress me out, he genuinely thinks he's being reasonable. He's just completely clueless. That almost makes it worse because I know he just won't/can't get it from my POV. The amount of times different people have told me he's a wet wipe

Well I spent £7.30 on katsu curry and vegetable dumplings, from the place I usually get a takeaway. Am very full now

astrocytic_kitten

Love the description of him as a wet wipe 😂 I can totally see his Mum fussing about mould etc and him absorbing that...without it ever occurring to him that his breaking of the extractor fan is relevant info. You’re much better off without him, an inability to see things from your point of view is fatal. 

Curry and dumpling sounds amazing. I’m really hungry now!

db2016

male reader here lol - and im on dating apps too. and im told im "lovely" etc for NOT immediately sending one! apprently people i talk to im told by girls this IS a thing!
but then hey ho, if it makes me look a better prospect then ill take it ha! i'm sure no-ones that interested in my clackerbag anyhow!
now to ask back, is it a thing to send a T.i.t pic? i have often got them in the first dozen messages too.
the way i see it (both ways) is, yes we ALL have them, but lets keep it for when we are at that point eh!!

StartingAgainAt29

Thanks @astrocytic_kitten, his mum is like OCD about cleanliness as well so that doesn't help. The food was so yummy

@db2016 thanks for your male POV! I'm surprised but then also not surprised about t i t pics! For me, why would I send someone something like that when I don't even know them!? Even with no face it's risky. And you're right, I don't want to see that until it's the right time

Ok so quite a bit to catch you guys up on. I messaged a guy on the app at lunch, we got talking and he asked to take me out last night, so I accepted. It went to a bit of a rocky start as he ended up way later than originally planned (he works in London so had to get the train back). We went to the local Italian place I like that's funky but cheap and cheerful. I had a really nice time, he is completely different to the first date I went on, and different to guys I've been with before. He reminds me of my best mate in the way he talks, it's so freaky. We went for a couple of drinks after, I bought one of the rounds and spent £10.10. He was very touchy feely, I'm very much a "I'm not touching you until I've known you a while" type person so that might be an issue. He was very keen on me but I'm still processing everything. He wanted to meet tomorrow for a coffee so we'll see.

I went to get my hair cut today, and they didn't have me on the system even though they'd confirmed the appointment on Wednesday They still saw me but it felt very rushed. I got the 25% off so came to £42. I did book again but I might cancel as I can get it cheaper elsewhere I'm sure. Still happy with the cut, just not great customer service

I went through Primark on the way to the library, I picked up a pair of black flat shoes for £6 which I got last year and wore to death, so this pair will be worn to death once it gets a bit warmer. I'm picky about shoes so when I find a style I like I repeat it. Didn't get tempted to pick anything else up, so stuck to my only second-hand clothes thing (shoes can be new though). Came from my clothes fund. Went to the library as I Ihad two more books on hold to pick up (that unread pile is mounting....!)

I'm doing throw 40 items away across the 40 days of lent, so far I have thrown:

1. A lancome blush (looked at it today and it smells like fish )
2. A red tassel earring as I lost the other one
3. Some sunglasses I was going to fix but now can't
4. A big cat litter scoop that's a box, never use it because I want their business to go down the toilet not chill in a box!

I was proud of myself the other day though, I was in Home Bargains and saw this beautiful little glass pot for 99p, I was like oh I can't put my cotton buds in this on my makeup table. Then I remembered I finished a glade candle the other day. So I put the glass pot down, and will remove the wick from this glade candle and use that instead. Not loads of money saved but repurposing is so much better than buying new.

I made a sale on ebay, so that's £4.77 profit. Will post that on Monday.

Plan tonight is lentil bolognese with a huge amount of pasta, then a horror film and popcorn before going to bed early-ish. Ex and his family are coming round tomorrow, but I'm going to try and be out of the flat running for the most part while they're here, but come back before they go.

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday!

little_green

@StartingAgainAt29 oh god your post entertained me & i dont mean that in a bad way. I'm really sorry that things got to blowing point as that's not a nice feeling but good on you for standing up for yourself. I've been in situations where i've been shaking with anger/frustration & just let it all rip hence why it entertained me as glad we can relate lol. I think everyone has been there tbh. If he tries to guilt trip you for it just ignore him, you have a right to express yourself & be heard & frankly it sounds like he's acting like a total moron. 

re the dating app/pic my advice would be: don't give out your number until your really sure. Guys seem to always send a d!ck pic even if they seem nice somehow the conversation ends up there & boom excuse to send one! I mean literlly you could be talking about the something really mundane & they'll find a way to relate it back. 

StartingAgainAt29

Hi @little_green! I know what you mean, can definitely relate! I was just like "Oh no I'm not having this" lol. People can only take so much before exploding. I haven't said even half the things I would like to say because I know they won't sink in, or he'd just use it to label me as "bitter". That had me chuckling, all I can think now is having a convo like "oh I like roast dinners" "oh yes my p e n i s likes roast dinners too!" sorry @db2016 I'm sure you're not like that

I forgot to mention earlier, but one of the guys in ex's friendship group is arranging his gf's 30th birthday (she's in my bookclub). They've paid for an air bnb in June, £110 each for two nights on the accomodation alone. I have a few reservations:

1. Can I really afford it?
   
2. If ex wants to bring his new gf there's no way in hell I could cope with that
3. It's the weekend before my half marathon in June

I was considering messaging one of the girls and putting it out there that if ex brings the new gf I won't come (ETA not in an ultimatum way just as an FYI). OR, do I just say I can't afford it, because in reality I can't really. It's in Devon so it's getting down there, these people love fancy dinners and rounds of drinks so the weekend would be £££. I would love to go to celebrate with this girl but it's so far and if I didn't feel comfortable it would be hell to get home early. What do people think, just turn it down for the financial side?