I've just worked out that if we can come up with an extra £250 per month...

Dinah93

You progress has been really inspiring, and a huge congrats on getting debt free.

Your friends OH sounds exactly like my ex, as do her patterns of thinking. I was embarrassed an educated, well brought up, successfull woman could have gotten herself into that situation, and so convinced myself it wasn't so bad. He never hit me, but he'd lock me in rooms, throw things at me, throw my computer or handbag into the street then lock me out if I went to get them. One time he even pulled me from the bed when I was sleeping, and threw me into the lift in our old flat with nothing on and locked me out. Had to sleep naked in the lobby to our flat. I rationalised his behaviour for 3 years, convinced myself it wasn't violence just how he was and I couldn't punish him for that. The thing that ended it was I made a friend online, and needing a break I went to visit him for a week. While I was there my ex left lots of very abusive, ugly messages on my phone, and the friend convinced me I deserved more, and no one should be this terrified of someone they lived with. Leaving was very hard, the police had to be involved, but my life is so much better now. All you can do is be there for her, and eventually something will shake her so badly it'll be the turning point she needs.

Dinah x

Jacks_xxx

Hi guys,
Thanks Dinah, That's made me feel loads better. :T

ISOM - want me to post my Psychologies mag to you each month when I've read it? It'll mean you get it late but better late than never huh?

Chev, I agree with you about the secrecy. It's the same as bullying isn't it? It flourishes in the dark. And just to blow your mind honey they seem to reckon that we'll have over 3 million people unemployed by Christmas - now that would be some march if we all took to the streets! :eek: My home office civil servant buddy says we should expect strikes and riots like the 80s at the very least next year or the year after when the Tories get in and make things worse, but he's always been a cheerful chap with no faith in human nature whatsoever so I don't know how much stock to put in what he says.

and on that cheerful note!

Love Jacks xxx

In_Search_Of_Me

aww jacks thats lovely of you and I'm really touched but think it would cost a bomb in postage?
Scary stuff this unemployment etc...how you doing with vol work etc? Am very impressed by the nsd totals...seem incapable of even doing one at the mo but will (once again) make a concerted effort...part of my prob is a good salary and the knowledge that if I have no job they can have it all anyway...
Have you spoken t friend? Thanks for sharing that dinah...problem with dv is that people are eventually so crippled by fear by the abuser that they have no emptioal energy/courage to go and believe the messages that its somehow their fault...incredibly sad and so hard to watch but the abusers are ace manipulators and able to put a very friendly/happy/"no he wouldnt" mash on for the public but what goes on behind closed doors is terrifyingly different...no class boundaries either..if anything the middle classes are prob less likely to report because of this and the ruination of the social fascade...
Anyway...hugs for you ...huggles for fat cat and oh and a big dribble from dotty!

chevalier

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

Hi guys,


Chev, I agree with you about the secrecy. It's the same as bullying isn't it? It flourishes in the dark. Exactly I don't know how you could bring his behaviour into the light, without it doing more mental harm to her. I would just not know what to do either. The one time I knew of someone who was being abused, we moved her out one day when he was on the P!ss, into ours, but we were bolshy students back then, and I am not sure what I would do now. And HELL why should she leave?

And just to blow your mind honey they seem to reckon that we'll have over 3 million people unemployed by Christmas - now that would be some march if we all took to the streets! :eek: My home office civil servant buddy says we should expect strikes and riots like the 80s at the very least next year or the year after when the Tories get in and make things worse, but he's always been a cheerful chap with no faith in human nature whatsoever so I don't know how much stock to put in what he says. :eek: That would make it as bad as when the early 80's were happening, and Thatcher saved herself by going to war in the Falklands - so it looks like we will be going to war in Zimbabwe then! LOL.

and on that cheerful note!

Love Jacks xxx

Have you had any luck with the volunteering? Or any jobs at all. I guess it must be a bit demoralising when you hear all of these stories. But on the other hand there are jobs out there, that people are applying for and getting. It is just getting your name (and you OH) out there.

good luck with that
chev

Jacks_xxx

:wave:Hiya lovelies,

Sorry for not keeping up to date with posts. We just seem to be lurching from crisis to crisis lately, and I hate posting a litany of moans and groans.

Today's nightmare is that we need a new immersion heater.

It's £180. :eek:

(Hubby is googling frantically as we speak to try and find a cheaper one.)

and it's not actually all that long since we put a new element in that bleedin' thing.

Anyway, sorry to moan but that's my update - such as it is.

The silver lining being that at least hubby knows how to fit one so we don't need to pay somebody to do that.

How families actually living on £94.95 a week jobseekers for manage to pay for everything out of it I just don't know.

Love Jacks xxx

OK more silver linings: Mum's Chemo doesn't seem to be affecting her too badly. (a few weird side effects , but due to the steroids and heavy duty anti nausea meds she actually feels a bit better than she has for a while.)

I snagged a whole bunch of mystery diner jobs this morning all involving getting fed for free so long as I write about it afterwards...

I've spoken to the CAB about how I could help people. (Debt advisor seems to be the way to go) and I've been talking to people about organising a some sort of local barter network where people can swap goods and services with each other with no money changing hands. (Need to do loads more research on that one though.)

Ooh and I've still got me 'ealth and all me teef. :rotfl:

(sorry for being so grumpy and me me me

clearmydebts

Hi Jacks,

Glad your keeping well and keeping optimistic. This might help you with the barter system:

http://www.timebanking.org/

Karmacat

Glad you've got your teef, sweet'heart! Any chance of an immersion heater on freecycle?

Primarni

Brilliant thread. Thanks everybody. Just read this whole thing from start to finish and feel really inspired and positive about my own finances and my whole life really. Cheers.

Keeping_Positive

How are things Jacksxxx ?

chevalier

saw there had been an update and was wondering the same thing. hope that you have things a bit sorted now again one way of the other
chev