I've just worked out that if we can come up with an extra £250 per month...

Karmacat

Ditto to all the others - Jacks, you *do* have a lot going on .... sorry especially to hear about the friend's domestic situation. Hugs to all.

Jacks_xxx

Thanks guys, :A :T :A

I am not doing too well at time management at the moment. There is so much to do, and I don't seem to be ploughing through it quite so quickly as I usually would - but I guess my concentration is shot cos my heads all over the place.

On the domestic violence front I just feel so stupid for not realising.

She mentions little things all the time but really plays it down so that the impression we have of him is that he's a moody spoiled brat and sexist pig who expects the household to be run for his benefit and to hell with what she might want.

So we already thought he was a bit of an @r$e - but we had no bloody idea that he regularly terrorized her until she sobbed down the phone to us the other night. (No words - just bawling her eyes out.)

And now I don't know what to do to help her.... and it's all I can do not to punch him in the face every time I see him. :mad: (Which definitely wouldn't help.)

Right, better get on. I've got to help my daughter with her PCHE homework on The Causes of Poverty and take her teacher to task cos as far as I can see from her work sheet the cause of poverty seems to be that poorer people have too many kids whom they feed exclusively on a diet of bread and jam and chips cos they've spent all their money on drugs booze and fags. They get dependent on benefits and don't want to work, neglect their kids, and so the poor kids bunk off school and don't get to university and get good jobs and grow up to do all the same things. This is known as "the cycle of poverty" evidently.

As a currently poor person and lifetime member of the working classes, who grew up on a council estate - this offends me so much I can't tell you.

(That teacher's not going to know what hit her is she???? )

Love Jacks xxx

In_Search_Of_Me

umm there are various reasons for poverty...drugs and alch just being two of them...then you have learning difficulties, unemployment, mental health issues, some poor choices and sometime just carrpy luck and its not that simple. I do agree with the "educate to elevate" school of thought - from experience its changed my life - esp having left school with 3 o levels!
Sorry to hear re your friends domestic violence situation...unsure if she has left him? Problem is that they are so good at wearing away at peole that self esteem/fear/self loathing/belief that you are so awful you made them do it stops people from leaving which is a horrendous place to find yourself...pm me if I can help - I know a fair bit from various means on this. Think just being there for her and saying you will support her is the best thing to do to help...also practically puttingher in touch with refuge etc so that if and when she has the guts to leave that she has somewhere to go...
Hamg in there me lovely - all sounds a bit tough your end...let me know if I can do owt to help!

ZTD

Poverty is more than just money - it is a question of attitudes. Imagine you lost everything you had...and then you started to get some money in again. As the money came trickling in - what would you buy before the other - Beer or soap?

hypno06

ZTD wrote: »

Beer or soap?

Beer. Obviously....:D

Jacks_xxx

Umm...:o The first bit of spare money I had in two years went on £20's worth of smelly candles...what does that say about me?? :D :D :D

Love Jacks xxx :rotfl:

Jacks_xxx

In_Search_Of_Me wrote: »

Sorry to hear re your friends domestic violence situation...unsure if she has left him? Problem is that they are so good at wearing away at peole that self esteem/fear/self loathing/belief that you are so awful you made them do it stops people from leaving which is a horrendous place to find yourself...pm me if I can help - I know a fair bit from various means on this. Think just being there for her and saying you will support her is the best thing to do to help...also practically puttingher in touch with refuge etc so that if and when she has the guts to leave that she has somewhere to go...
Hamg in there me lovely - all sounds a bit tough your end...let me know if I can do owt to help!

Cheers as always cherub! :T

She's not thinking about leaving. She won't talk about it. She's back to glossing over it and brushing it under the carpet. She makes no end of excuses about him and his stres and he can't help it etc

I'm thinking about speaking to him - but I don't want to make anything worse for her.

I know he knows what he does is wrong and he wouldn't want people to know what he does - if he did he'd happily behave that way in public wouldn't he?

Since he does it all behind closed doors, and goes as far as ripping the phone out of the wall, and locking all the doors so she can't run or ring for help I thought maybe I could shame him into behaving like a civilised human being by threatening to shout it from the roof tops but she would hate it if I did.. She's so ashamed and embarrassed about it...

Big hugs hon,

Love Jacks xxx

In_Search_Of_Me

umm...its says you like candles and went a bit mad for a moment?!!
I dont think shaming him would help...dv is very complex..have a look here
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
and see if this is any use....I know from exp that they are fab but the key is the woman having the strength to leave as most just so worn down/love them & think they will change and believe some of what is said (ie they deserved it/wound them up etc) and I think confronting him would make it worse for her as he's unlikely to take it well if he knew that she told as it would mean a loss of power/control which is what much of it is about...happy to chat through on phone if it would help. I think all you can do is be there for your friend and maybe go through the womens aid site with her so she knows she's not alone...

DoWhatULove-LoveWhatUDo

Jacks, your PM box is full, I shall edit my message down and see if there is room for a small one. I thought perhaps you might feel in need of a break and wanted to suggest a couple of days at the seaside chez moi?
On a side note: 15 pages of purely the diaries? :eek: I had no idea there were so many.

ZTD

DoWhatULove-LoveWhatUDo wrote: »

On a side note: 15 pages of purely the diaries? :eek: I had no idea there were so many.

Or 2264 of "not diaries"...