I've just worked out that if we can come up with an extra £250 per month...

boredofbeingathome

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

Umm...:o The first bit of spare money I had in two years went on £20's worth of smelly candles...what does that say about me?? :D :D :D

Love Jacks xxx :rotfl:

That you need a little something every now and then:D


Hope everything is resolving itself and your friend is getting all the support she needs.xx

Jacks_xxx

Cheers lovelies, :wave:

Just checking in.

I'm still all over the place, but still adding to my "Count My Blessings list every day so things can't be that bad.

I'm not sure if knowing that I'm in good company cos 138,000 (or some similar number) people lost their jobs last month as well as me makes me feel better - or even worse! :eek:

I don't think I've helped my friend with her situation at all.

The best I can say is that she knows she's got someone to call on if she needs me - but I would have hoped that she would always have known that.

She says it's not domestic abuse cos he doesn't hit her...

But that's cos he doesn't actually need to hit her to achieve the desired result...

Terrorizing her by shouting abuse at her, throwing things at her, smashing things up, yanking the phone out of the wall and preventing her from leaving the house is quite enough to turn her into a gibbering wreck without actually ever touching her at all.

I've got to see him tomorrow... We're going over there.

I'm a bit confused about how to feel - cos being angry about his violent behaviour towards her makes me want to smash his face in.

Hypocritical or what??? :rolleyes:

I've been reading that link ISOM - thanks chick - there's a lot more to it than I thought. I sent her that link and some others via email. She says talking to him wouldn't do any good cos he lives in such deep denial about it.

He just loses his rag for a minute now and then when she nags him as far as he's concerned.

No biggie.

:mad: She was so upset when she rang me last week that she could barely get a word out. She just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed down the phone. I seriously thought one of the kids had died or something.

When we finally got there (It's a good half an hour's drive even with Hubby taking every shortcut and breaking all the speed limits.) she was still shaking and still crying and he'd been gone for an hour cos she'd had time to plug the phone back in, ring me, and then clean up the mess he'd made when he threw his plate of dinner at her.

Wish me luck, :eek:

Love Jacks xxx

PS Sorry for the downer.

In_Search_Of_Me

hugs for you...can understand why you feel so angry but keep reading and maybe come up with an alternatve plan!!

chevalier

Really sorry you are going through the mill Jacks

Ref your friend. If she has children then she has to act. I would say to her, do you want your son thinking this is the ok way to treat females. Or if she has a daughter ask her if she want her to think that this is how females are treated.

Neither is good. But it ALWAYS annoys me that they victim has to leave. It CAN be the other way round, if she gets the police involved.

And just because he doesn't beat her YET doesn't make it any less abuse, nor does it mean that he won't escalate to beating her, if he thinks his power and control over her is slipping....

I really hope that she can find the strength to kick him into touch. Probably the first time she ever hit him he would crumple up into the weak little twerp he is really. That is the way with bullies.....

chev

Karmacat

Awful, awful, awful. I'm so sorry your friend is going through this, Jacks, and its not a downer at all. I'll have a look at the link you mention, I loathe the idea of domestic abuse - and you're right that it is that, as you say, he doesn't need to hit her to get the desired result.

EDIT: Oh its Women's Aid! I used to volunteer for them..... standup organisation.

DoWhatULove-LoveWhatUDo

Nothing very useful to add I'm afraid Jacks, except that perhaps now that you've got her reading the material on the domestic violence web sites something she reads may resonate with her or burrow into her subconscious and lead to change farther down the line. In the meantime I think you're doing all that you can do.

In_Search_Of_Me

Just wondering how you got on today? thinking of you...

Jacks_xxx

:wave: Thanks my lovelies. :A

ISOM I didn't go in the end. I copped out. I've been having trouble sleeping and it was TOTM - when I have a well known tendency to be a bit over-emotional so I thought I'd better play it safe and stay away.

(Well, that and I felt like a pile of poo, so I just wanted to curl up with my hot water bottle and watch Pride and Prejudice for the umpteenth millionth time. )

In an effort to cheer me up today (yesterday??? ) Hubby bought me a every edible treat he could think of from elderflower presse, hoummus, olives and sushi, to choccies and those famously gooey chocolate puds from M&S. (It worked - but only until I thought about how much he must have spent! :eek: :wall: )

My kids on the other hand were much better MSE-ers.

My daughter trawled through Lol cats.com for hours and used Publisher to design and print my card, then made me a plate of heart shaped shortbread bickies with her her own fair hands.
:j

And my son bought me a years worth of Psychologies Magazine. I had let my subcription lapse at Christmas 2007 cos we can't afford it unless I get it as a pressie - but I had really been missing it. PLUS he got it on special offer (12 issues for £12) "and some kind of womens skincare or toiletries thrown in" he said. :dance: Bonus!

So life's not so bad.

No progress on the DV front but we've picked my daughters options, got glowing reports at Parents Evening, helped Mum and Dad move house, and bought some sunflower seeds to plant cos somehow the sight of those massive yellow flowers really cheers me up!

I'm going to the oncologist with Mum next week and then her Chemo starts - so I'll plant a couple in pots for her too.

Take care all,

Love Jacks xxx

PS Chev, no kids living at home to be involved in the DV situation. (Thank goodness!)

PPS DWUL I bet it's been gorgeous down your way the last few days! You've got mail.

PPPS Karmacat. What a good'un you are! Hubby and I have been talking about what volunteering we can do whilst we're out of the job market, cos honestly everybody - from the job centre bods to the recruitment agencies is acting like this is the way things are going to be for a while.

The job centre lady actually suggested volunteering to keep busy cos - I can't remember how she put it exactly but it was something like - they are expecting an average of 50,000 new unemployed people each month for the forseeable future and there's no suitable vacancies for most of us.

"Well there's cheerful!" as my welsh nan used to say.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

In_Search_Of_Me

Thats the spirit jacks...swear were twins! I too miss my psychologies mag and must have wathed pride and prej a zillion times!! Also love sunflowers!! Also suspect I'm hormonal so mabe its like boarding school when all your cycles match after a while lol!! (they do honest!) ...got a cracking headache but suspect thats cos I finshed off the wine for weezls coq au vin!!
Re the dv sit think all you can do is be there for when she has the guts to leave...hope mums chemo doesent make her feel too sick..

chevalier

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

:wave: T

I'm going to the oncologist with Mum next week and then her Chemo starts - so I'll plant a couple in pots for her too. Really hope this goes ok for her. Crystallised ginger is good for nausea...

Take care all,

Love Jacks xxx

PS Chev, no kids living at home to be involved in the DV situation. (Thank goodness!) Well that is a relief I guess, but it still is a horrible situation to be in. Of course you may not tell him you know. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't tell other people you both know.........:D Unless this would make things worse. But the thing about the DV is that the more secret it is the more he has control



PPPS Karmacat. What a good'un you are! Hubby and I have been talking about what volunteering we can do whilst we're out of the job market, cos honestly everybody - from the job centre bods to the recruitment agencies is acting like this is the way things are going to be for a while.

The job centre lady actually suggested volunteering to keep busy cos - I can't remember how she put it exactly but it was something like - they are expecting an average of 50,000 new unemployed people each month for the forseeable future and there's no suitable vacancies for most of us. :eek: :eek: When you realise that New Zealand only has 4million people in total thinking about 50000 new unemployed is just staggering. My OH was saying that no one who isn't very old will remember how bad this can get. Ie since the 30's, will we be having Jarrow marches?

"Well there's cheerful!" as my welsh nan used to say.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

There is something to be said for volunteering. It can open new horizons, and lead to jobs you would never have imagined before!
chev