Mother in law taking photos of inside my house

duchy

hollydays wrote: »

You could have been talking about my Mother here .
I've had a lot of the same behaviour.
She believed she was always right

Why not give your partner the responsibility to do this..
It sounds as though your two families come from very different social classes

What the heck does that mean ?

Did you "marry down" so you and your own mother "come from different classes " ?

Common courtesy and decency have nothing to do with class .....what a snobbish and nasty thing to say !

hollydays

duchy wrote: »

What the heck does that mean ?

Did you "marry down" so you and your own mother "come from different classes " ?

Common courtesy and decency have nothing to do with class .....what a snobbish and nasty thing to say !

Bizarre and that makes no sense.
No, I wasn't talking about my marriage ( he's now deceased btw) I made no reference to my husband.
I was talking that the mother in laws behaviour isn't commonplace, might have been 30 or 40 years ago .

So, I can only think they come from families with vastly different expectations.
No need to fly the pc flag.
I don't know any women nowadays who believe that the men need to be pandered to and the women need to do all the work.

Kim_kim

RebekahR wrote: »

I have wrote lists for her before actually but she might do some of it, say nope to the rest and then add in what she wants to do even when not asked

Why would you write lists for her? She’s not your cleaner. You are partly to blame for mixed messages if you are encouraging her in this way.

RebekahR

rach_k wrote: »

Is she from a different culture to you, OP? The giving a newborn sugar thing reminds me of my in-laws (not that they would, but it sounds like the kind of thing that would've been suggested).

Yes she is Eastern European

RebekahR

chesky wrote: »

Why don't you try to harness all that energy? If you have a garden I bet you don't have the time or energy to deal with it. So you could produce the lawnmower, spade, hoe and lock her out there. You could even tell her to wee behind the garage.

Thank god she has gone home today! And we've been there on the garden before!! She cuts bushes down to 6 inches of the ground! some of course do not ever regrow and it kills them ... Rather than say she did it she says they have had their life?! I had weed fabric she dug through and now it doesnt work and that part is a massive patch of weeds ... She pulls and throws plants and seedlings/plantlings thinking they are weeds! I had sown some nice nice delphiniums and off they went She wouldn't touch the ruddy mower ... The one thing she cant do too much damage to surely?! ...

RebekahR

What a sweetheart you are. I wouldn't mind if she said would you like any help if so write me a list ... The funny thing is my mum is the opposite - we never see her and if she does show her face she just sits there and doesn't move. Although she has on a few occassions done the washing up when we have said there is no point just fill the dishwasher ...

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It is no-one else's business how the OP's house is arranged, nor whether it is 'tidy' or 'untidy'. (If it was a 'hoard' that would be different, but it isn't).

If the M-i-L can't stand it, she doesn't need to come, they could go to her house instead.

Otherwise her son needs toi tell her (and mean it) to stop interfering wiht their stuff.

And I quite disagree with that it is because he is an only child. I only have one child, his house is similar to the OP's (and they don't even have the excuse of any children!), but I don't tidy it up every time I go. I just quietly clear a space on the sofa . It's his and his partner's space, not mine, and they can live in it as they see fit.

(I have on a couple of occasions asked him to clean the toilet so that I can use it, but I have also said that the fact that I can't use it without cleaning is my problem and not his).

RebekahR

duchy wrote: »

I've always thought it was a good thing she never had a daughter.....I don't think it would have gone well.

No way! The amount of dolls, clothes, equipment etc they have. Hubby had 1 toy box only to play with that was apparently in the corner of the kitchen. Otherwise as far as I can gather he was encouraged onto the computer to play games at an early age ... No tidying up there aye!

Kim_kim

hollydays wrote: »

It sounds as though your two families come from very different social classes

I’m really curious as to what you mean by this?
Is the OP a “lower” class because she’s not houseproud?
Or is the MIL a “lower” class because she doesn’t respect boundaries?

RebekahR

andygb wrote: »

Talk about an interfering old bat. I totally am onside with the OP, because the MiL was obviously not going to own up to it. I would have looked at the camera and probably deleted every pic or maybe cleared the memory card altogether.
The MiL sounds a bit like my sister. We let her and my dad stay for a few days years ago, and I found her going through our private paperwork - bills and statements which were in folders in cupboards.

Ahem ... I may have accidently on purpose pressed the delete button 3 times last night ... :rotfl:


Wonder if she will ask ... Who deleted the photos I took of your messy house?! ... Nah ... Don't think so ...

RebekahR

supermezzo wrote: »

Take the bull by the horns before she goes, sit down with her and your hubby, and quietly but firmly ask her to tell you what the purpose was of her taking photographs of your home?

Then I'd explain to her that you find it very odd behaviour. Explain to her that when you visit hr home, you abide by her rules and respect her privacy (as all normal people would expect to do) and that you expect the same courtesy and respect in your home, in return. Acknowledge to her that you both have very different ways of running a house but that it is not her right to come into yours and criticise. Calmly say that next time she visits, there are going to be some changes, starting with her staying at the b&b. Give neither her nor your hubby any wriggle room, make your position clear in a quiet dignified tone and stick to it.

And if hubby doesn't like it, then I'd be telling him to put everything away before she next visits, then book yourself into the b&b whilst she's there.

I feel for you - I de-personalise the house before my MIL arrives as I can't bear her pawing over everything and nosing around.

Ah she's gone before I saw this but good idea about de-personalising. As for booking myself into a b&b even better ... :T