Mother in law taking photos of inside my house

chesky

Why don't you try to harness all that energy? If you have a garden I bet you don't have the time or energy to deal with it. So you could produce the lawnmower, spade, hoe and lock her out there. You could even tell her to wee behind the garage.

duchy

chesky wrote: »

Why don't you try to harness all that energy? If you have a garden I bet you don't have the time or energy to deal with it. So you could produce the lawnmower, spade, hoe and lock her out there. You could even tell her to wee behind the garage.

Actually the OP is a garden lover ......so I doubt she'd willingly let her near it

seven-day-weekend

It is no-one else's business how the OP's house is arranged, nor whether it is 'tidy' or 'untidy'. (If it was a 'hoard' that would be different, but it isn't).

If the M-i-L can't stand it, she doesn't need to come, they could go to her house instead.

Otherwise her son needs toi tell her (and mean it) to stop interfering wiht their stuff.

And I quite disagree with that it is because he is an only child. I only have one child, his house is similar to the OP's (and they don't even have the excuse of any children!), but I don't tidy it up every time I go. I just quietly clear a space on the sofa . It's his and his partner's space, not mine, and they can live in it as they see fit.

(I have on a couple of occasions asked him to clean the toilet so that I can use it, but I have also said that the fact that I can't use it without cleaning is my problem and not his).

EmmyLou30

My Mum might try and hide the odd disapproving look at a pile of dirty dishes or dust when visiting but she'd never say anything or take photos! That said we're more of a 'behind the back' family where we'd !!!!! about someone else's messy house alright, but never to their face....we're polite like that ;-) Ha.


It's so hard not to judge others by your own standards though. The difference is you can disapprove of someone not meeting your standards all you want, but you have no idea what they have going on in their life, why should they change for you, and it's none of your business, so you keep it to yourself. She sounds like the MIL from hell alright.

andygb

Talk about an interfering old bat. I totally am onside with the OP, because the MiL was obviously not going to own up to it. I would have looked at the camera and probably deleted every pic or maybe cleared the memory card altogether.
The MiL sounds a bit like my sister. We let her and my dad stay for a few days years ago, and I found her going through our private paperwork - bills and statements which were in folders in cupboards.

supermezzo

Take the bull by the horns before she goes, sit down with her and your hubby, and quietly but firmly ask her to tell you what the purpose was of her taking photographs of your home?

Then I'd explain to her that you find it very odd behaviour. Explain to her that when you visit hr home, you abide by her rules and respect her privacy (as all normal people would expect to do) and that you expect the same courtesy and respect in your home, in return. Acknowledge to her that you both have very different ways of running a house but that it is not her right to come into yours and criticise. Calmly say that next time she visits, there are going to be some changes, starting with her staying at the b&b. Give neither her nor your hubby any wriggle room, make your position clear in a quiet dignified tone and stick to it.

And if hubby doesn't like it, then I'd be telling him to put everything away before she next visits, then book yourself into the b&b whilst she's there.

I feel for you - I de-personalise the house before my MIL arrives as I can't bear her pawing over everything and nosing around.

lincroft1710

chesky wrote: »

Why don't you try to harness all that energy? If you have a garden I bet you don't have the time or energy to deal with it. So you could produce the lawnmower, spade, hoe and lock her out there. You could even tell her to wee behind the garage.

Did you mean this or weed?

Pollycat

EmmyLou30 wrote: »

It's so hard not to judge others by your own standards though. The difference is you can disapprove of someone not meeting your standards all you want, but you have no idea what they have going on in their life, why should they change for you, and it's none of your business, so you keep it to yourself. She sounds like the MIL from hell alright.

TBH, I can't see why anyone would judge anybody else.
I wouldn't look down my nose at anyone who had a more-cluttered house than mine.

As for having 'no idea what they have going on in their life', I'd expect this MIL to know that a person close is extremely ill.
I'd certainly expect my OH to stand up for me.

I do agree she sounds like the MIL from hell.

borkid

Just looked at the photos, what's the problem there is space on the floor to walk. It's your home your rules.

hollydays

RebekahR wrote: »

I always hated her. I would clean and tidy the house for her arrival as you do ... She would turn up and clean it from top to bottom when it didn't need it! I can tell you the exact moment that I lost all respect for her. It was a gradual erosion over years but when I had our first baby and they visited the first time. She took the baby from me (4 weeks old) and took her to the kitchen. She was breastfed and on a growth spurt. She was annoyed the baby wanted to feed loads she returned and told us she had found a bottle teat in the cupboard and dipped it in the pot of sugar and gave it to the baby. She said when they had husband the baby was always given a bottle of sugared water before anything else and that my baby needed this sugar to stop her feeding so often. To say I went mad was an understatement. Even hubby was not pleased!!



She usually does take them to the park to be fair to her. The weather has just been so damn awful this weekend we have all been cooped up. There is no way she would make cakes that would mean too much mess for her to tidy up. Never in a million years. I have wrote lists for her before actually but she might do some of it, say nope to the rest and then add in what she wants to do even when not asked. your right though I need hubby on board more but he just doesnt see it a problem. He says we are struggling and she is helping. I siad the help is ok its how she goes about it thats the issue. Doing stuff she isnt told, putting laundry away deliberately in places they dont go, tea towels in a childs drawer?! Dirty clothes in a clean drawer (S oit doesnt clutter the floor) - cuterly etc etc in any hole so it doesnt clutter the side. I say if you dont know where it goes leave it and ill do it later. But no it must be done and she says but you'll find it later .... thats not the point your making more work for me by having to undo everything thats in the wrong place ... She's never going to change unfortunately but they wont take hte b&b idea. Saying we'll all manage ... Sigh!

You could have been talking about my Mother here .
I've had a lot of the same behaviour.
She believed she was always right, and once when I said to her " that's just your opinion", she nearly dropped through the floor as no one else had ever said that to her before.

If you scratch a little below the surface, you may find out there's a reason for her behaviour..

However, I suspect you are heading for marriage guidance councilling.

It's a two edged sword.
When my kids were babies, and my husband worked away a lot, she'd clean the house from top to bottom, while undermining my confidence.

I was thankful for the help, but the final cost was too great.
But, you need to learn to manage her, I suspect she's very lonely.
She should expect clean , freshbedding and a clean dust free room .When I have a guest to stay , I'd put a bottle of water and a glass in her room, a magazine, a few toiletries.Clean towels, I'd make sure the bathroom was spotless.

Why not give your partner the responsibility to do this..
It sounds as though your two families come from very different social classes