Mother in law taking photos of inside my house

Pollycat

onwards&upwards wrote: »

This is much more serious than the rest, this is completely unacceptable and if she carries on I wouldn’t let her near your children. The harm she could do with this behaviour is much worse than the risk from a bit of clutter! You have to protect them from it.

I agree with this ^^^^ 100%.

You owe it to your children to protect them.
Your MIL is wrong to treat your youngest child in this way.

But you knowing about it and allowing it to happen is even worse.

bouicca21

When I was putting the kids to bed he used to do dishwasher, tidy table, sweep the floor and tidy up the toys.

A campaign to turn ‘used to do’ into ‘does’ seems like next step. I thank my lucky stars I had a lovely MiL.

OP clearly needs to banish hers, I wonder about banishing her OH too. Not exactly supportive, is he?

kangoora

Kim_kim wrote: »

I don’t think housekeeping standards are linked to class. But I did wonder what the poster meant.

'Class' has nothing to do with cleanliness and it's remarkably arrogant to equate it as such, my mum's (and dad's) family were dirt poor. 5 of them in a 2 bed house when my mum and aunts were young and I can still remember visiting them and having to go to the loo at the bottom of the yard (slabbed yard with a coalshed) and having a tin bath in the kitchen because they didn't have a bathroom. Washing done in an old single tub washing machine with a mangle to dry clothes then put in front of the coal fire on an airer to dry - no central heating (maybe late 1960's/early 70s).

The house was always spotless, front doorstep holystoned regularly and each family swept up the street in front of their house. My mum used to keep our house really clean also. I suppose you could say that her and my dad became 'middle class' although I hate the term.

When i see nowadays what people term poverty it makes me laugh, having seen what my grandparents (on both sides) lived through and they certainly didn't consider themselves in poverty (probably 'poor') - but that's probably the topic of another thread.

ToxicWomble

I would have used the camera to take a few “inappropriate” pictures of myself

System

Reading the last page of posts. No, housekeeping standards have nothing to do with class ( except that if you are of the 'moneyed' classes you might be able to afford a cleaner! I wish!) the poorest of the poor can have pristine houses. I remember when I was a kid another child saying our house was a pigsty, it definitely wasn't, but it was full of things that were loved, messy but clean. My mum would always opt for gardening over housework and I am the same so I have absolute sympathy over not letting your MIL back in the garden when she's destroyed plants !

It is totally unacceptable that your MIL favours one child over the other. I would tell your OH that if that continues she will no longer be welcome, he's a man not a mouse, make him take responsibility for booking her into a nice B & B and watching her like a hawk around the children ( and for him to do his fair share of the housework!).

paddy's_mum

Playing favourites is, in my opinion, a largely unmentioned form of wickedness. It can cause much misery and emotional damage as well as undermining the relationship the siblings have and hopefully will continue to have throughout their lives.

When my father did it to my children (because he was angry with me) I announced that the very first time the younger child asked why the older child was being taken out, given things and outings etc would be the day all contact stopped.

It worked and I am proud to say that over thirty years later, the siblings have a very strong and loving relationship and my father has been estranged from all of his family for the last twenty years.

OP - your children have only you to protect them from this pernicious cruelty.

On another note, she is a fool to herself if she shows those photographs to anyone else. It says way more about her moral standards and levels of integrity than it does about you and yours. She will be shaming only herself...

Mrs_pbradley936

Ohh two ways to handle this. The first is to tell her that she is not welcome but if you are not prepared to do that that make use of her!

Let her show you how to do whatever it is that she thinks you are hopeless at. Again, then again and then again until she is basically your unpaid housekeeper.

On a Serious note I am a bit like her BUT with one huge difference I KEEP MY OPINIONS TO MYSELF.

When I go to my son and daughter-in-law I would dearly love to put on a pair of rubber gloves, fill up the kitchen sink with hot water and Fairy Liquid and get stuck in!

I don't and neither do I say anything. I don't visit much either!

suki1964

I have never got this " clean the house cos the parents/inlaws are coming "

One the the Ladies I work with does it, always cleaning because her mother will let her know if it doesn't meet her standards!!!

My house is clean, but is usually a tip. Do I care? Not a jot.

Life is too short and Id rather do something relaxing or what I want to do after a day at work and coming home to cook dinner/ do the washing etc

Right now Im in the kitchen and the table has a pile of baking tins, a pile of baking and the worktop is full or dishes, clean onesie, dirty the other

Mr S keeps coming in and out and making suggestions, such as "where does this live" - meaning clear up. Im playing deaf , he's finding out where things live himself

Your MIL is never going to change. All you can do is change how you react

You yourself seem not to really like living in a mess ( and from the photos, its not bad at all) and would like it to be a bit tidier. It also appears that you as a family have outgrown your home. There is no where to put the clutter. So the clutter has to go.

Not all at once, a bit at a time. A tiny bit. something that in manageable in an hour. So if a complete bookcase is so full its going to take more then an hour, do a shelf. Do one drawer. One shelf in a cupboard

Theres some great help and support on the decluttering threads over in old style. I keep dipping in and out. I started to declutter last year, still not completed but the bits I have done, like my underwear drawers, book cases, dressing table, bathroom cabinet, are still neat and tidy. Once decluttered of all the clothes never to be worn again, books read and read again, paperwork that's really not worth keeping, its so much easier to keep on top of things


No one is really taught how to keep a tidy house. Oh sure we probably helped at home as kids, but we were supervised, the grown up knew when things needed to be done and how. Now we are the grown ups we have to find our own way. Im 55 and Im still finding my way

Marvel1

Looking around my house right now:
Dishes piled up in the kitchen.
Spare bedroom full of crap
Random plate on the floor
Random plastic bags next to me - for recycling
Dusty TV unit

Am I happy? Yes
Would I rather clean or relax and watch TV/movie? Watch TV/movie

borkid

I always remember what the health visitor said when she took antenatal classes " spend time with your child the dust will be there tomorrow".

For me the house gets cleaned once a week, if I run out of time it gets left as long as the kitchen and bathrooms are clean that is all that should matter.
Never had a MiL but if a visitor, family or not, commented on the state of the house they would be told where the vacuum ( or whatever was needed) was and told to do it if they were so bothered, they'd never be invited again though.