Coffee, Cake, Yarn - Chapter 2

CoffeeCakeYarn

Hello and welcome along to Chapter two, my next step

Previous diary - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5763270/coffee-cake-yarn-new-start#topofpage

I’ve been in debt before when I was married, many years ago. We worked hard and cleared it. We divorced and I got really sick, and ended up back here, with 26k debt on 22/12/2017. I attempted to go in full force to clear it, and wanted it gone by July 2021 (my 35th birthday!), but after only a few months I burnt out and rebelled against myself, blowing my monthly budgets and spending £500 more than I paid off that month. I got myself together quickly, adjusted my budget to be more realistic, and accepted that it would likely be 8 years before I was debt free.

I struggled because I didn’t have a husband/partner in crime to hunker down with. Not that I minded being ‘on my own’, far from it, but it’s not the same when you can’t even pop to your friends because you don’t want to spend the petrol. Or go to the gym. Or go out for a coffee. I went money cold turkey, and my turkey was so cold it got freezer burn, and it ruined it.

I’d started seeing someone in 2016 and wanted to be able to date, and do things. We were taking it really slow, and mostly went for drinks or dinner and didn’t really chill at each others houses so much. We weren’t at the just do nothing together stage yet, and I didn’t want to stop the relationship, or force us to the point of just hanging out prematurely. I added more fun money to my budget, and started putting money away for things that were important to me, like craft supplies and wine… I kid, kind of. I started putting money away for EVERYTHING.

I’ve got pots coming out of my backside. I put money away each month for my car, my clothes, the dentist, food, petrol, emergencies, hair appointments, craft supplies, holidays, days out, christmas, everything. And the first six months were really hard, covering the costs of living on my own and trying to find the extra money to start getting these sorts of fund behind me, but slowly (excruciatingly slowly), the money started to build up. And I found that I didn’t need to use credit when the hair dryer broker. And I didn’t need to put off the hair cut for another month. I went to the dentist for the first time in years. I didn’t panic when I needed new glasses. And I had money waiting at christmas for the presents and nights out. The biggest one to me, which is probably the proudest I have been on this journey, is that I had the cash to pay for my car insurance upfront, along with my MOT, big service AND a new tyre all in the same month. I was liberated and elated. It confirmed that squirreling money away to pay upfront was the right thing for me to do, even though it meant really teeny debt reductions some months. I’ve continued on with this, and it’s now become a habit, and I LOVE knowing that I can cover an emergency spend without having to reach for credit.

So Since 22/12/2017, I haven’t paid a huge amount off of my total debt (5K), but I have managed to secure myself financially, I’m in a much better position. I had so little wiggle room covering bills, payments and basic expenses, and it eased slightly when I got a pay rise. I accepted that I wouldn’t be able to lump £500 off of my debt a month unless I ate only eggs and didn’t leave the house, not even for work, but I started making it work with smaller numbers, which is frustrating at times when the debt figure is so high! I wasn’t out of the woods (I’m still not!), and I’d settled into my long journey…. Then this thing happened…..

Remember the guy I’d been seeing? Well, turns out we liked each other more than originally planned. We have taken our own route in the relationship, very different from a lot of couples I know, and after very much careful consideration, have decided to move in together. First into his, then we plan to buy in a few years. Squeee! If you’d have told me in 2017 I would be doing this I’d have laughed my head off, I couldn’t ever imagine living with someone again, let alone a bloke, with a plan that involves being an actual real life home owner! But you know what? it feels so right. It feels more right than anything ever did before in my relationships. So this is a shiny new diary to document my shiny new adventure.

OH knows I have debt. He knows I can be a frugal little monster when I want to be, but he doesn’t know how much I actually owe. He doesn’t want to know, and I don’t want to tell him. I don’t think he has any inkling that the numbers are as high as they are. We aren’t going to be combining finances (over and above me paying him a nominal amount of ‘rent’, bill and food splitting). He earns a little higher than me, and doesn’t have any debt apart from a small mortgage and car, which he will keep servicing on his own. There’s no pooling of money or joint accounts happening, and to be honest, he’s a frugal as me with money so never bats an eye when I say ‘No way that’s too much’, or ‘I need a cheapo weekend’. I converted him to Aldi and now he scoffs at the prices of the big supermarkets. He knows I watch money carefully, and is supportive.

If you’ve made it this far, well done. It’s going to be a ride, probably a boring one, and I know I overpost. My 4 week notice on my flat has gone in, and by the end of the month I’ll be out. I’ll have a few weeks grace (we are on holiday) before I start paying the new bills, and the new SOA kicks in (November payday). I might post it at some point…..

So when one door closes, another opens and in I crash, with all of my craft supplies and batch cooking and smelly candles, turning a boy house into a temporary our house, and here’s to the next chapter. :beer:

beanielou

Along for the ride

Honeysucklelou2

Wow, what an exciting new chapter! Interesting to read about how you sorted out the putting money into pots habit.

CoffeeCakeYarn

beanielou wrote: »

Along for the ride

Thanks for popping in! Gin, wine or coffee? Cake?

CoffeeCakeYarn

Honeysucklelou2 wrote: »

Wow, what an exciting new chapter! Interesting to read about how you sorted out the putting money into pots habit.

Thanks for saying hello I'm super excited but also a bit wary, I love my own space after being so crowded when I was married, so I'm a little worried how living with someone again is going to work out, but if you never try....

Not sure the pots is interesting haha, but it does work for me. My bank must think I'm crackers having a savings account called Craft Supplies that gets fed £3.50 a month. I just seem to work better having a strict budget for everything, I think it's something like the YNAB workings, but I'm not sure. I tried it once and couldn't get my head around it....

CoffeeCakeYarn

Managed a NSD yesterday, yipee! Not even any planned spends. Sadly no surveys either, as work was a little too busy and needed full attention. Boo.

Went all out when I got back to mine last night with packing and clearing. I *think* that I have everything apart from the last few bits now in my car ready to go to boy house tonight. I've also sorted the last lot to tip and charity, and then it really is just the last bits to do, so I think maybe two more nights there next week and it will be done. I'm not a fan of moving house, it's a lot of effort

Not very much actual MSE news to share, plodding along. Budget looking good but we are only one week into the month, if it's going to go t*ts up it's usually week three. Planning a NSD today, and back to boy house tonight for the rest of the weekend. Hoping to work from home for the rest of the week which will save the petrol pennies. Fingers crossed for some survey time today but the way work is right now it's not looking too good.

Mx_Emmin

Good luck! Cant wait to see how it goes

CoffeeCakeYarn

Mx_Emmin wrote: »

Good luck! Cant wait to see how it goes

Thank you Swinging between terrified and excited right now!:j:eek:

twiggy86

So exciting!

joeyjimbles

Let's go for exciting as terrified is so crippling.
Hoping you're all packed and ready to go.

CoffeeCakeYarn

Thanks Twiggy and Joey! It is mainly exciting but I am a bit of an over thinker so have moments of 'ohmygodwhatarewedoing' - simply because cohabiting is not something I ever saw myself doing again, not because it's actually with OH, he's pretty amazing. Don't know what I've done to deserve him really!

Had an emergency spend of £1.50 yesterday because of all things, I lost my lipbalm and I can not go without a lipbalm. Unplanned, but completely essential especially as the cold weather is starting to kick in!

So almost all of my stuff is now at boy house, just the very last few bits to do next week. Haven't unpacked it all yet but working from home today so not only saving the petrol, but hopefully will get an hour to unpack later. Stayed up way too late last night watching rubbish tv, so worn out today,need to work hard to keep the focus!

£1.57 out of qmee yesterday in the holiday spends pot. Only planned spends today for a food shop, aiming to keep it under £50 for the two of us for the week, and need to get a few bottles of wine as we are off out to a house party on Saturday and it's bring your own :beer: Should be a great night and come in at less than £20 :money: Somehow, I didn't finish the bottle I got last week, I have no idea how that happened! So will be using that in cooking this week :rotfl:

Happy Thursday all, almost the weekend yay!