Countdown from £28k...

alt80

Don’t blame you mate if it wasn’t right for you to commit you 100 made the right choice. I think not needing to be in a relationship is a good thing. I never really experienced the single life for more than a couple of months and do wonder if a bit longer being on my own would have made me a better husband tbh. 

Anything is possible career wise you’ve got options and not afraid to jump ship. Definitely more belief than me I’ve been in property since the start of my career and wouldn’t even know where to start looking into doing something else. An older guy I know made redundant last recession did a few things back in property now but really well rounded. You’ll excel whatever you do I can tell you’re at the point you’re putting the effort in and realising the rewards will come.

Sounds like you’ll make someone a good househusband mate. Seriously they sound ungrateful on the bright side not too much longer and a Sunday drive out. Lucky to have the coast near you too.

warby68

You're probably just ready for your own space.
Everyone in a stressed household thinks they are doing the most.
I would have told the child myself (as a permanent adult in the home), not a telling off but would still have voiced my disapproval. There are times when that would be funny but not if its a brat. It gets very hard when you have to stew. 
You would be more than welcome here if they're taking you for granted - have 2 spare rooms plus bathroom and have one of those steam generator irons so its nice and quick lol
Just keep making your plans and try and make sure you leave on a good note, if you can.

enthusiasticsaver

Just keep telling yourself that it is just for a few more months and do as you did yesterday and get some space. Your plans sound fantastic and I think aiming to fill the Lisa this year is ideal if you can do it and stay another month but depends on your mental state. Selling the car will help. I guess you will be looking for self contained rather than shared accommodation initially considering what you have put up with over the last year? Shared is obviously cheaper so easier to save a flat deposit but swapping sharing with family to sharing with strangers may be out of the frying pan and into the fire. Whatever you decide you are in a much better place financially now and learnt some lessons along the way. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Don’t blame you mate if it wasn’t right for you to commit you 100 made the right choice. I think not needing to be in a relationship is a good thing. I never really experienced the single life for more than a couple of months and do wonder if a bit longer being on my own would have made me a better husband tbh. 

Anything is possible career wise you’ve got options and not afraid to jump ship. Definitely more belief than me I’ve been in property since the start of my career and wouldn’t even know where to start looking into doing something else. An older guy I know made redundant last recession did a few things back in property now but really well rounded. You’ll excel whatever you do I can tell you’re at the point you’re putting the effort in and realising the rewards will come.

Sounds like you’ll make someone a good househusband mate. Seriously they sound ungrateful on the bright side not too much longer and a Sunday drive out. Lucky to have the coast near you too.

Yeah, I do kind of feel like it's made me a worse person in a way, ha. Haven't been dating since hitting the debt tbh but used to give everything in relationships and have found I hold quite a bit back after the last long term relationship. Though I let myself be doormat then. But I guess if the mind wasn't right and I was having too much fun as a single bloke then it's not surprising. Plus having the shadow of debt didn't help.

Yeah, will see what happens on the job front. Another ten years of pay freezes in the public sector, one of the other things that annoys me about it. There is no mechanism for hardwork to be rewarded...that said, I knew any decent payrises are only going to come from moving around. But I find it really demoralising, in real terms it's a year on year paycut. Others do it from some sense of civic duty and come from wealthy backgrounds so are less bothered about money. I thought I'd have scope to earn a lot as a naive grad, plus exit opps. But if I can get the masters then great...usually when I read about public sector pay freezes it gets me down and makes me think "what's the point". This time I felt like that but thought about the fact I can still move around and get a bit more money that way, hopefully get the masters and open up some options on that front. It didn't sap the drive.

warby68 said:

You're probably just ready for your own space.
Everyone in a stressed household thinks they are doing the most.
I would have told the child myself (as a permanent adult in the home), not a telling off but would still have voiced my disapproval. There are times when that would be funny but not if its a brat. It gets very hard when you have to stew. 
You would be more than welcome here if they're taking you for granted - have 2 spare rooms plus bathroom and have one of those steam generator irons so its nice and quick lol
Just keep making your plans and try and make sure you leave on a good note, if you can.

Yeah, very true re: people thinking they do the most.

Yeah, I went through a phase of that. There was a time when I was a third parent almost and it wasn't stepping on toes, I was invited into that role. But it was when health issues meant I was needed. When health got better I think they found my interference annoying and I was getting told off for intervening. I found it tough tbh as I'm not a confrontational person, so I'd only say something when I thought it was necessary (though it was several times a day). Since then I've basically bitten my tongue and to some extent withdrawn from the family. Often had to bite my tongue at dinner times when one child is being bratty and disrespectful, refusing to take plate to the dishwasher after dinner, while the other is being shouted at for not doing the same thing. It's not always bad and things have been much better but you're right. I'm ready for my own space. I've always been a pretty independent person.

Haha at steam generator. Had a look at flats last week. Saw a good one near London Bridge station, really cheap (relatively) so prices seem to be dropping still...though this one went within a few days...

enthusiasticsaver said:

Just keep telling yourself that it is just for a few more months and do as you did yesterday and get some space. Your plans sound fantastic and I think aiming to fill the Lisa this year is ideal if you can do it and stay another month but depends on your mental state. Selling the car will help. I guess you will be looking for self contained rather than shared accommodation initially considering what you have put up with over the last year? Shared is obviously cheaper so easier to save a flat deposit but swapping sharing with family to sharing with strangers may be out of the frying pan and into the fire. Whatever you decide you are in a much better place financially now and learnt some lessons along the way. 

Yeah, that's it. COVID really doesn't help. Especially as family health concerns have meant that they have been mega risk averse so even when things were more normal I didn't really have any escape as I knew they'd be angry. If I could escape to London every few weeks it would be a breeze...

Yeah, prior to this I also had some bad flatshare experiences. With the debt I was having to pick places more on price so ended up living in some quite odd situations (short commute was important). One tried charging me £500 for the monthly bills It wasn't even their flat... Another was a slightly older bloke (early 40s) but turned out his gf lived there and kids were there half the week, so was like I was living in a family home haha. So just want to be settled. Have lived in some great shares though and it is tempting if I can find a good one. But I'll likely just go with my own place, particularly while prices are depressed.

Update:

Still mega busy at work so less time for updates. On the plus side the weeks are flying by, on the negative side I have no idea when life will be normal again...feeling fine mentally but when working hard need some kind of release at the weekends rather than being in the same four walls. Usually love the Christmas markets at this time of year, catching up with friends, good times. None of that this year though...

Sold a fragrance finally...very small profit (literally £1 after postage and fees haha) but a bit of an extra cushion to help clear the debt in full on payday in 11 days and glad to be rid of it as been sitting on it a while.

Spends are low as can't really do much. Last lockdown I was driving a lot but as I'm working long hours I just don't have the time, every cloud.Bought the family takeaway this evening. Going to save the Christmas shopping until after pay day. Spent about £65 on shopping last week but not a lot else. Need a new lamp so will no doubt have another shopping list tomorrow and spend around the same (plus the lamp - so possibly a £100 spend all in).

Banned fragrance purchases and keeping that up.

Just need to try not to think about how boring life is at the moment haha. Daren't say that to family though...as as far as they're concerned I need to lower my expectations of what life is about and just accept it is routine and dull.

ryanm8655

The weekend is over and the work week starts (had some bits to finish that I didn't get done on Friday).

Quite a spendy weekend. Another £70 on Shopping (on the AMEX), though part of that was booze (wine, some IPAs). Also spent £40 on a lamp with bulbs (wanted one with USB ports so I can charge my phone due to the lack of plug sockets) but did have a £25 amazon voucher that made it a bit more palatable.

I didn't realise quite how expensive roast dinners are to make...£20 for a joint of lamb...that really stung...makes me realise why family made the sly digs about rent for so long ha.

Have been getting some not so subtle hints about buying them a log burner for Christmas. At first I laughed it off but it's been mentioned a few times now (knew I shoudn't have told them the debt was almost gone ha). I had a look and they're bloody expensive, fitting costs a grand by the looks of things, so probably looking at £1500 or so all in. If I do it then it's going to hold back my move date by a month I imagine. But could also buy me a bit of goodwill and enable me to stay a bit longer (though I'm sure I'll be going nuts again soon enough). They have done a lot for me and for a longtime I wasn't even paying rent (though was contributing in other ways), so a part of me thinks I should do it as a thank you. I'm a bit torn as it's a lot of money. Also think it's a bit cheeky to expect it tbh but maybe that's just me. I was planning to get them family passes for national trust and other local attractions, given how much they've all been through over the last year or so, so wasn't planning a cheap Christmas but not quite this expensive...

enthusiasticsaver

That is quite expensive for a christmas present and you should not feel pressured into it.  As you said you are saving for a flat deposit etc so you can move out.  It is a bit cheeky of them. The family pass sounds great. 

vixx_123

I agree - I think the family passes sound great! That sounds like a thoughtful gesture, rather than being pressured or guilted into a very expensive logburner (not a gift IMHO). My family have a habit of telling you what they want for Christmas, so I buy them something before they ask so that it at least feels like some thought went in! 

alt80

You're doing great mate so close to debt free. 

Can imagine the public sector pay freezes are demoralising but as you say other ways to get there. Are you going for the Masters then? 

Re family. I am assuming you are living with your dad and step-mum as you said you don't see your mum if more distant family I think possible a bit different but I think it's really cheeky if it's your dad you are living with. I know my son is only 7 but my wife and I have always said there would always be room for him in our home no matter his age. In-laws feel the same about their children so do my parents but awkward for obvious reasons lol. Re log burner - I had one fitted in my previous house, open fires here and wouldn't bother. If they have an open fire no need imo having had both in the previous house. Cost me £2.5k and that was a number of years ago so I think you're hoping if you think it'll get done for £1.5k unless costs have come down - never looked into one since.

ryanm8655

Thanks for the replies and for the sense check!
 

They’re the sort who tell you what to buy the kids for Christmas. I’ve always thought of it as a bit rude and presumptuous. Giving ideas is one thing but straight up telling someone they’re getting them x...though they aren’t usually too bad with me. Give ideas rather than telling me, I chose to get the ps4 last year as a treat rather than it being expected. Remember them being a bit disappointed one year because a family member didn’t spend as much as they usually do on the kids ha. I couldn’t help but think maybe that person is struggling for money this year (or thought it was cheeky being told what to buy and assuming the amount they’d spend).

It’s extended family rather than parents. If it was parents I’d tell them to F off  

Other thought is buy them the burner but not the fitting etc. Still a lot though, around £500 for the cheaper ones. Fitting may well cost more, I just did a quick google. At the moment they have an electric fire thing. 

Sarahwithlove

I'd do the passes and let them save for the burner themselves.