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Aspergers/ASD support thread
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Well, my AS son is NOT a Ryan! :rotfl:
blue_monkey, I know you have a lot on your plate, but have you been in touch with Shelter? They are housing EXPERTS, and will tell you what extra consideration you should get because of your son's problems. I can't remember if that's been suggested before or not. And you don't have to wait until you have been evicted - the sooner you get in touch the better: they will help you, may even write letters on your behalf.
Also, if his IEP says he should have 1:1 support until March, are they allowed to take it away? If you have a copy of his IEP, have you asked why it's been changed? As well as Parent Partnership, I know we've mentioned IPSEA ...
I've just been talking to my cousin and mentioned the fact that we need to get an assessment done for DS1 now he's at Uni. I've always thought the AS came from DH's family, but she said that her father (not a blood relation to me) and brother were almost certainly Aspies, and it set me wondering about two of my siblings who are both a bit 'different', but I've always put that down to deafness and dyslexia. And then we BOTH remembered our uncle, a VERY strange man!Signature removed for peace of mind0 -
Just read this thread, i have a son with special needs ( no official diagnosis as yet) and yes he's called ryan too!!!!
Hi ajgrist :hello:
LMAO that you have a Ryan too...... :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
I think someone should tell the people who make those baby names books!!
How old is your little man?0 -
Look, I don't know if this will help, and I freely admit that DS1 has MILD AS so it may not, but when he used to do things which weren't acceptable, I found I HAD to tell him in no uncertain terms that they weren't on. All this touchy feely stuff about ignoring the behaviour you don't like and making a big fuss about the behaviour you DO like just does not work for AS!
So, when he is being a scratchy rat, would it work to say something like "Yes, rats DO scratch, but you are NOT a rat, you are my lovely little boy and lovely boys do NOT scratch their mummies." You may end up sounding like a scratched record by the time you've repeated this and other variations of it (especially "and lovely boys NEVER push their dirty bottoms into their mummy's face, and I do not think rats do this either, sometimes they sniff each other's bottoms but they really do not like to have their noses pushed by another rat's bottom") all day long, especially if you're then told "I am NOT a lovely boy I am a nasty RAT" but you could also intersperse it with "Yes, rats DO scratch but sometimes they cuddle up with other rats and stroke each other" and see if he will be stroked.
I think with mine this would have had to be developed into "So if you are a rat you need to come here and be stroked, and if you are not a rat I will leave you alone and not stroke you", because he wasn't one for being touched ...
The time I found this worked most effectively was when he'd spent several teatimes droning on about how he was going to leave home and go and live with someone else. I tried ignoring it, may even have offered to make his sandwiches a few times, but eventually I cracked, and told him in NO uncertain terms that he could NOT leave home and go and live with someone else, because no-one else would have him! And I listed all his friends and why he wouldn't be happy there (dogs, cats etc) and why anyway that friend's mummy wouldn't have him because she didn't love him like I did.
He never mentioned leaving home again ... although he has now left, at least for university terms.
Cleaning stuff, blue_monkey, I presume you're fully signed up to the Old-Style cleaning methods, where all you (or your DH) ever need is vinegar and lemons and the odd bit of bicarb?Signature removed for peace of mind0 -
Hi Savvy,
I sent an email to Shelter about a month back because I wondered with him having the IEP/TA whether they would have to give us consideration and they said yes but..... the councils will not always follow the law. It is all down to points, I know most certainly as by their guidelines they have not given the points we should have - they are housing people who have over 120 points but they try everything to stop us getting those points, we have 50 for local connections, 8 for time on the list, 5 for having kids, 10 for unsecured tennancy (this should be 25 as we are on a 2 month notice. 10 for not having the means to secure our own tenancy (debts and low pay - we have not been given these) and then there is the points for Ryan (medical points) we have not been given because the Council Doctor has not been in to assess whether he 'gets' the points. I guess we have to wait and when the doc has been, if they have not given us the correct points we then have to fight as Ryans points will make the difference as to whether we get housed or not. Sometimes fighting is tiring, I don't like the way I am made to feel like a 'leech' for wanting somewhere to live that is secure and that means we are not going to be on the move every 6 months. We have been paying council tax and Income Tax for 20 years and I've never had anything more than maternity pay, I can understand that they want people to secure their own tennancies but they can see how much we earn, how much we pay out, we don't have extravagent lifestyles and all that is on the bakn statements is general stuff such as food, no going out here there and everywhere, just a basic life. I guess the fight will start after 17th as I'll call them to see if Ryan has been awarded extra points.
I am not sure on the TA, it definately sayds on there that there is a review in March and the plan is to get him to do x. y, z, I cannot see how him doing that just a few times means he is 'cured' and he loses the assistant. I think I will wait until all of the children are back in - I guess until they have removed the TA and have to deal with him themselves they will not know. However, if it is clear he needs it I am going to see the head and ask why it was taken away and go from there. Right now there are only 6 kids in the class so there is no fight to get what they want and there are plently of toys to go around. We shall see. Apparently they have put the train set away and replaced it with Duplo, getting the train set out was part of his daily routine and they (sorry, this might just be me) seem to take each thing they do as an experiment to see if he kicks off and then they get upset that he gets cross.
I did laugh thought Sue, I have often felt like a 'fish out of water' when it comes to my family - who are VERY odd. LOL. It would be hard to know just where to start in all honesty they are that odd, I know we do have Mental Health Issues in the family (they never were given names 20-40 years ago where they?) but there are several members of my family I have had my doubts on. BTW, my brother is exactly the same as Ryan is in respect of his behaviour, I have said this before, so maybe there is some sort of blood link in all of this. I think what we need to remember is that a lot of things on the AS are pretty recent in being named and when I was a child the kids were just sent to special schools and that was the end of it, no one asked questions as to why and what's and just accepted their child 'has needs' and got on with things. Does that make sense?0 -
hello, my son is 12 and he has had difficulties all his life, we have tried for a diagnosis but got nowhere, we've done camhs and all we ended up with was he's got borderline learning difficulties! He is in mainstream school with an IEP (school action plus). He has alot of asd traits and i know he is autistic but getting anyone else to agree is the problem. But we wouldn't change him for the world!0
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Evening everyone, browsing while eating my currant bun I found this post on the Freebies Board.....
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=7784195&posted=1#post7784195
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
Hi ajgrist,
Lots of hugs for you, glad you have found the board, it helps even if having a bad day or if you need to vent or just want some advice - it helps to offloadI don't have any advice as I am a 'newbie' myself on this subject but some of the wiser mums on the thread will be along soon with some more advice for you.
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blue_monkey, I know it is hard to fight, and keep fighting, and I know the councils don't always do as they should. However, if you think there are points you should have I would be asking "When are my points for X going to be added?" rather than waiting for ALL the information to be in, IYSWIM. So, if you are now on 2 months' notice and that gives you more points, can you phone and ask when they will go on? And if they're not on when they should be, phone again. By all means be known as assertive, I'm sure you can do it nicely and politely, that's all it is, it's not being a leech. (And this isn't the place to politely challenge you about the housing needs of some of the groups you say are being housed before your family: it's rarely that straightforward, but remember that many of them will be single people who will NOT be getting the kind of property you need!)
Next thing, will Shelter help you with this, as your family has additional needs? If there's a local Shelter advice office, do phone them and see. Even if there's not, see if they can give you extra help, goodness knows it sounds as if you need it.
And finally, Housing Associations. I've just googled and see there are several in Herts, it's quite likely that being on the Council's list also puts you onto at least some of them, but check! how it works round here, you can choose whether to be considered by any or all HAs as well as for council accommodation, but if you don't tick the right boxes your choices are reduced - so make sure your chances are as wide as possible.
Finally finally, putting the trainset away: I doubt if it's aimed personally at your DS, more likely that they rotate what's 'out' on a weekly basis. Obviously some children would be bored out of their minds if that area only ever had a trainset in it.Signature removed for peace of mind0 -
I've ummed and ahhhed about posting this, but have decided I'm going to....lol!
As I've mentioned before, I have been on a Parent Survival Course, and have found it really useful - it hasn't changed Ryan's behaviour, but has definitely helped us cope with it more easily, and feel more confident. It teaches that the MOST important thing you can do as a parent is to put aside time every day to play with your kids, and praise them often. Then it goes on to teach other things like giving clear instructions, and also covers things like sticker charts and rewards. The very last thing we have learned is about giving time out. And it's a very...well.....rigid I suppose.....time out system, but we are finding it really works for us and for Ryan, so I will post it, but I'm not saying it will work for everyone.
Firstly, you have to find a calm time and explain to your child in a positive way how the time out is going to work, and what sort of behaviour it will be given for. This will depend on what you, as a family, find acceptable, and what you find unacceptable. You would give 3 minutes time out for a 3 year old, 4 minutes for a four year old, and 5 minutes for a 5+ year old, of which the last 2 minutes has to be quiet (they say silent, but there is no way Ryan would do silent).
So, for example, a child has thrown toys everywhere and is refusing to pick them up.
You would say, very calmly and politely 'James, please pick the toys up now and put them away in your toy box'
Then count to five in your head, very slowly, breath steadily and concentrate on staying calm.
Assuming the child has refused, you would then say, again calmly and politely, 'James, please put your toys away now, or you will have time out'
Count to five in your head again, and stay calm.
If the child is still refusing, say 'James, please go and have time out' (the child will already know where to go and sit, and how long for, as you will have told them this when you explained how time out works).
Count to 5.
If the child hasn't gone, you would say 'that's now 6 minutes'
Count to 5
'That's 7 minutes'
and so on, up to 10 minutes.
After 10 minutes, you would say 'James, please go for time out now, or you will lose (insert suitable loss of priviledge here....tv, toy etc) for a day (no longer than a day).
If the child still doesn't go, confirm they have lost the priviledge (if they have lost a toy, take it immediately and put it somewhere safe).
Once they have lost the toy, you don't then send them for time out, but you ask them again to pick the toys up, and the cycle continues until they comply (I thought Ryan would never give in, but we are slowly working out what things he really doesn't want to lose, and it's working).
If the child DOES go to time out before the priviledge is lost, they must sit on the time out step/chair etc for the amount of time they have 'earnt', and the last 2 minutes must be quiet. If they don't do the 2 minutes quiet, you give a further 2 minutes, and continue adding 2 minutes until they comply (the first couple of times you do this, you need to allow LOTS of time, as if you give in and let them off the hook, you will have negated the whole process). Ryan is the most argumentative child I have ever met, but because you don't speak to them other than the phrases above, you don't get drawn into an argument, and surprisingly we have never had to add more than an extra 4 minutes (and now he has done it a few times, we rarely have to add any extra time).
Once the time out is over, you ask them to come back out of time out AND THIS IS THE IMPORTANT BIT, you must immediately be nice and friendly towards them, praise them for calming down etc. However, you DO ask them to perform the task they originally refused to do, and if they still refuse, the whole cycle starts again.
It sounds very strict and rigid, but in fact it is a much calmer way of dealing with problems than anything we have tried before, and 2 weeks after we introduced it, Ryan had had time out only a handful of times, but already knew not to keep pushing our limits or arguing.
IF the child is being given time out for violent behaviour rather then non-compliance, you don't give the initial warnings (the 'please pick up the toys', and the 'please pick up the toys or you will get time out'). You would just ask them to go to time out without giving a warning, because the dangerous behaviour needs to be stopped immediately.
I have probably missed things out there, but if anyone wants to ask me anything about it at all, I will try to answer (you are welcome to pm me if you don't want to post on here).
Hope no-one minds me posting this, but if it helps even one person, I will be happy."I wasn't wrong, I just wasn't right enough.":smileyhea97800072589250 -
I do something similar with my 4 yr old daughter and it works a treat! However I dont think my son would have the level of understanding required for this (he is Autistic my daughter is not) I may give it a go but dont want to scare him if he has no idea why I am doing it (if that makes any sense!)
I hate the fact I am new to all this and sometimes dont know how to handle him. I know it sounds stupid but I am scared of getting it "wrong" xPay Debt by Xmas 16 - 0/12000
There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.0
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