Aspergers/ASD support thread

SallyUK

Thanks for replies.

Savvy_Sue, what you said about a mother not being able to get through to them and how they are unable to tell you how they feel is so spot on.

Thanks for that.

Sal
x

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

At Uni, he will have a personal tutor, but you can't make him talk to his tutor. He may also have some help with his other problems, or be able to access it, through the disability support service there (it may have a different name). However, they won't necessarily be able to help if he doesn't ask for it - you could phone and find out what's available, but he's reckoned to be an adult now. They may make contact with him, and see how they can help, but they can't force it on him.

I would say however that the 'closed-up-ness' does sound very Aspie-ish. You talk about him 'letting his emotions out': they don't necessarily have the wiring to do that, if that makes sense.

You have one thing on your side: he's said he's depressed. It could be well worth him seeing the GP about that: a skilled counsellor might be able to help him work through a few things in a way that a mother just can't. I used to ask DS1 how he would feel if ... and he just couldn't answer, because he didn't know how he'd feel, or even IF he'd feel!

Savvy_Sue

SallyUK wrote: »

Savvy_Sue, what you said about a mother not being able to get through to them and how they are unable to tell you how they feel is so spot on.

to be fair, it's not much different with my NT sons - they do say that part of what makes being a teenager (or living with one) so difficult is that their brains are a bit autistic for a while ...

But having said that, you may find it helps if you can get your head round the fact that his brain IS wired differently to yours. It isn't that they can't or won't tell you how they feel: they don't actually 'feel' the same way that we do. Yes, they can be happy, and yes, they can be sad, but not necessarily about things we expect.

I don't think there's a great deal of introspection going on in DS1's head: it's all about the here and now, if that makes sense.

An example from when he was younger: we always used to say he had a highly developed sense of injustice. He would complain loudly that it wasn't fair if either of his brothers had a friend to play after school, and he didn't. So one day I asked what would make it fair? He said it would be fair if he could always have a friend round when he wanted, and they never could. Which didn't sound very fair to me ...

another thing was that he thought it was our duty as parents to make life fair for him. Given the above, it didn't take very much thought for me to say that no, it wasn't my job to make life fair for him: my job was to teach him that life was UNfair, deal with it.

Now, given what you've said about his dad, that's definitely something he needs to learn: life's not fair, his dad's not being fair - but he has to deal with that, because he can't change it.

Another thought: he's going into his final year, so he's got about a year to get some of that elusive thing called 'experience'. Voluntary work, an internship, anything could help at this stage. If he knows what he wants to do, looking for opportunities in that area is good, but frankly Saturdays in the Oxfam shop could be better than nothing, because it shows he can turn up when required, he'll learn (hopefully) to get along with other adults, and so on.

seven-day-weekend

My son, now aged 33, never has been able to say how he feels. He can give opinions on whether he thinks things are fair, or right, or just because I think he can match these against an ideal standard and see how far short they fall, but he has never been able to explain how he (or others) might feel or be feeling because there is no standard to measure it against.

If he's feeling down (he does suffer from depression occasionally), he just gets loud an shouty. Once he did mangage to say he'd felt 'bad' all day. We've agreed now that he must tell us when he feels 'bad' because then we will understand why he is shouty.

To the OP; your son's spending, imho, is more likely to be related to the depression than to the Aspergers, although sometimes with AS there is a lack of understanding of money. When he's feeling a bit more receptive, why don't you have a talk to him and see if there is a way he can have an amount to spend on these things in a different account to his 'normal' money? Also try to get him to the Docs for his depression. You go with him, you can talk to the Doc if he won't.

Maysie

Filling in a form loosing the will its a long one about developement history . question is which of the ofllowing symptons have been exhibited in the past or present? then a huge list of items . one of them is excessively restrictive or bland effect. I tried googling but it came up with diets lol help.

I already had to look up excessive lability w/o reference to environment which was a yes.

I think of myself as knowing lots of random stuff but this form is boggling me.

so i move onto the next one while waiting for response.... situationally inappropriate emotions. well i can work it out but jeez what a gob full of crap this form is.

qualitatively abnormal social behaviour.?

Savvy_Sue

It could be a diet related question: mine ate jacket potatoes with cheese and baked beans for school dinners for a year ... wouldn't touch anything with onion or mushroom in (or suspected to be hiding in ...) ... hated 'mushy' food like casseroles because he couldn't see clearly what not to eat ...

Some will live on a diet of mashed potatoes! Bland, white, smooth ...

Do you have anyone to help you through the jargon?

Maysie

sen co ordinator at school is on a course today. I might just have to ask when i go to todays meeting at pcahms. I hate looking stupid though.

julie03

Excessively restrictive could be only wears certain clothes, has a certain routine before leaving the house, has an obsession etc.

My friends son won't touch his own backside which at 10 is quite restrictive and he will only drink and eat out of things that are freshly washed and no one else has touched except his mum. Just a few examples that I would interpret it as

Maysie

Well last friday had another meeting. Finally psychologist said he would add aspergers to diagnosis.....wait for the sting even though he disagrees but does not mind if we later prove him right.
I had the asd lady and school sen with me.
I am awaiting the written report of the meeting as i have a feeling there will be another sting coming i cannot stand the bloke he has lied, cancelled at the last minute, ranted about maggie thatcher ( i told him i cannot believe you just said that. was the week she was buried. whatever your politics its not professional thing for him to have done.), put another childs name on reports and the 2nd page didn't even sound like my child, put him on medication then he was ill for months and no one checked up on how we were doing. 2 cancelled appt later he was cross i had taken him off it. which was nearly 4 months later and it was supposed to have been closely monitored.

I did bring that up in meeting bet its not in the report. O one of the best was he put in a report i was happy with the service provided by pecahms AS IF.

ivfmummy

Just thought this might be useful to someone.


http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/at-home/coping-with-christmas.aspx


Have a restful Christmas.

Indie_Kid

Hello, very long time no see.

So, I have a diagnosis. Unfortunately, social services were awful. I have Hyperacusis (my hearing is too sensitive) and can't deal with large groups or strange people. They ignored all this and went as far to question whether I really am Autistic. I have it writing that I have ASD. The GP I saw, wasn't happy and said he is willing to write a letter if he needs to.

I did want to go back to college. But they claim I don't have Autism and its just anxiety. No one has ever suggested anxiety. Depression, yes, OCD, yes. But never anxiety.

I am now wondering how much of this OCD is Autism related - I don't like having dirty hands or anything like that. And dog hair is a problem - especially from a dog we used to have. His fur was really long and felt awful. We currently have three dogs and their fur isn't an issue for me.