Aspergers/ASD support thread

sock-knitter

just wanted to add my bit, i held my kids in the bath to get them clean, washed their hair, watched them and held them if necessary to brush their teeth, hair cuts etc, butthats all well and good, til the kids get bigger than you.
at eleven my two were more difficult than ever, start of puberty and secondary school etc, but my lads were so bad in school they were excluded within a week, which in hindsight was a blessing for us, both had statements, and went to special schools after that
now they are nearly 16, one will not brush his teeth, he compromises by eating apples which are good for teeth apparently and chews sugar free gum for fresher breath
no advice on sanitary wear tho, thank god i have boys lol
big hugs x

blue_monkey_2

Phew, I thought it was just me sock-knitter. I don't feel so bad now!! LOL.

sock-knitter

blue_monkey wrote: »

Phew, I thought it was just me sock-knitter. I don't feel so bad now!! LOL.

dont feel bad blue monkey, i know lots of others who have done the same
have u heard of a discipline technique called 123 magic? i am going on a course to learn about it tommorrow, its aimed at parents of asd and adhd kids, i'll post tommorrow and let everyone know how it went

blue_monkey_2

I have heard of it yes, we kind of implement the same but I don't think it works for everyone - same with a lot of techniques. Let us know how it goes.

lottylouj

Hi thank you for the replies, DD was a nightmare before school this morning but at least she brushed her hair. I am going to have to toughen up on her but the thought of more arguements and bad behaviour has me stopping.
I am trying to find some child care for during the holidays, just for a few days so i know that when it is a particulary bad day i have something to cling too, a break for me and her.
I used to be tougher on her than i am now but the recient changes with her have knocked me side ways. I am going to have to start taking control again instead of her being in control and just try to remember that it wont last and hygiene/ disapline will become part of her routine.

I would be really interested to find out about the 123 magic, something somewhere has to work for DD.

Many thanks for the suggestions and hugs

blue_monkey_2

lottylouj wrote: »

Hi thank you for the replies, DD was a nightmare before school this morning but at least she brushed her hair. I am going to have to toughen up on her but the thought of more arguements and bad behaviour has me stopping.
I am trying to find some child care for during the holidays, just for a few days so i know that when it is a particulary bad day i have something to cling too, a break for me and her.
I used to be tougher on her than i am now but the recient changes with her have knocked me side ways. I am going to have to start taking control again instead of her being in control and just try to remember that it wont last and hygiene/ disapline will become part of her routine.

I would be really interested to find out about the 123 magic, something somewhere has to work for DD.

Many thanks for the suggestions and hugs

Hi Lottie, I think that we have all been there and this is why it escalates, it's like if you give a toddler sweets every time they ask, you'll never be able to say no for fear of the tantrums. But when it is an older child it is so much harder to deal with.

You do have to be strong, you do have to be able to walk away. I let me son get his anger out as he needs to, yesterday he smashed one of his toys up (thank fully it's lego, lots of crying but it can be rebuilt) but he cut his hand open on it. I just walk away and let him get it over and done with - any fussing from me or trying to stop him he turns his anger onto me.

If it takes a year to make her understand that she needs to be clean, it is a year that will make a whole world of difference to her life and she willlearn to become independant. It is so hard and I do not like to criticise other parents but I think you hit the nail on the head. Other children grow up, they become independant, can do things for themselves, go out, get ivited to parties, have friends go to sleep overs and everything else that comes with growing up and you have a big child locked in a little childs body, that cannot understand and everything takes 4 times longer to teach them. It is a frustrating and a very lonely place sometimes as other parents just do not get it. Especially when they are good for other people as my son is - UNTIL he gets comfortable with them, however, it never gets to that stage because they'll only have him round a few times and then they no longer want him round the more comfortable he gets. It's a vicious circle.

Let us know how it goes with her. Make some social stories, does she understand those? They are like cartoons that explain to her the important of being clean.

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julie03

i was telling my 8yr old aspergers son this morning that he would have to spend some time tidying his room today, and he told me to f**k off, we have some instant punishments which are with no warnings, swearing is one and hitting another person is another, so he was sent straight to his room to think about it, he then proceeded to tell me he would kill me, stab me and his dad

he has done this before, and it worries me as he says it with no emotion and seems sinister, most of the time we have things like this under control, but its not always easy.
has anyone else had this in their child and have they grown up ok , at the moment he is controllable as we can still pick him up or restrain, but one day he will probably be taller than me.

half hour later he seems to forget and says he is sorry and he never meant it, but i still worry about a few years time when hormones kick in and he gets bigger
thanks for any advice

Flyboy152

What treatments is he getting now? Is he under CAHMS or similar? Where do you think he may be getting such ideas from?

julie03

he is not under any treatment at the moment,
most of the time we deal with these outbursts before they get that far just every couple of months he seems to go that bit further.
as for where he gets the idea from, i have no idea, he watches the usual stuff for an 8 year old like pokemon

Flyboy152

julie03 wrote: »

he is not under any treatment at the moment,
most of the time we deal with these outbursts before they get that far just every couple of months he seems to go that bit further.
as for where he gets the idea from, i have no idea, he watches the usual stuff for an 8 year old like pokemon

Not the sort of programme I allowed Flyboy12 to watch when he was eight years old, to be honest. Flyboy12 gets very literal when watching these sorts of programmes. He believes they are an acceptable way to behave towards others and gets confrontational and territorial after watching them. I am not suggesting at all, that this is the reason for your son's outbursts, but it might be worth considering. There are lots of things in the media these days that, on the surface, appear to be very innocuous, but when you sit down and watch them, the underlying tone is far worse than they seem. If you look at "Tom and Jerry," for example, to an average eight year old they will seem ridiculously extreme, to the point where it is obvious it isn't a true reflection on the lives of cats and mice. But sit an eight year old, or younger, down in front of them, who has AS or similar and there is a higher likelihood there will be a different re-action.

In terms of "support," what sort of help does he get? Does he get any help at school? What assesments has he had lately?