Aspergers/ASD support thread

PasturesNew

julie03 wrote: »

my 8yr old has aspergers and does lie, most of the time it is just his interpretation of what he thinks is the truth, but occasionally if he thinks he will get in trouble he will lie to get out of it, he is very bad at it and only ever lies to me or his dad, never at school.

i have also been told by the autisic co-ordinator that aspies can lie as i mentioned it to her

He's 8, he'll realise he always gets caught and will stop.



Aspies CAN lie ... they're just so completely and utterly, utterly rubbish at it that they stop

Utterly rubbish.

PasturesNew

dmg24 wrote: »

I'm going to disagree with you there - lying is not a characteristic of bipolar, in fact there is a strong coincidence of bipolar and aspergers, so quite the opposite. It is a common misconception, I would guess it relates to those with bipolar having extremes of emotion and hence often extreme lifestyles, so stories can seem false or exaggerated.

Obviously bipolar can be part of a dual diagnosis, so lying could be part of that, but equally so can aspergers.

Otherwise I agree, sometimes we're all too quick to label people, when they might just not be a very nice person.

I wasn't connecting the two, I was suggesting other alternatives for various bits and bobs of the behaviours the OP listed.

I was going on the mood swing type of stuff when I listed that.

dmg24

PasturesNew wrote: »

I wasn't connecting the two, I was suggesting other alternatives for various bits and bobs of the behaviours the OP listed.

I was going on the mood swing type of stuff when I listed that.

Fair enough, it was just the way you listed them - we don't like being put in the same list as liars and sociopaths!

seven-day-weekend

Flyboy152 wrote: »

Not the sort of programme I allowed Flyboy12 to watch when he was eight years old, to be honest. Flyboy12 gets very literal when watching these sorts of programmes. He believes they are an acceptable way to behave towards others and gets confrontational and territorial after watching them. I am not suggesting at all, that this is the reason for your son's outbursts, but it might be worth considering. There are lots of things in the media these days that, on the surface, appear to be very innocuous, but when you sit down and watch them, the underlying tone is far worse than they seem. If you look at "Tom and Jerry," for example, to an average eight year old they will seem ridiculously extreme, to the point where it is obvious it isn't a true reflection on the lives of cats and mice. But sit an eight year old, or younger, down in front of them, who has AS or similar and there is a higher likelihood there will be a different re-action.

In terms of "support," what sort of help does he get? Does he get any help at school? What assesments has he had lately?

I agree with being very careful with the TV programms/computer games etc. I personally have not seen pokemon as my son is 31, but I do know that even then he was young there were loads of 'childrens'' programmes I wouldn't let him watch such as Dungeons and Dragons (I wouldn't let ANY eight-year-old watch them tbh, let alone one on the AS). We didn't know he had Aspergers' Syndrome at the time, but when he was about 14 he got in interested in Warhammer and we were quite worried about that as he seemed to treat it as though it was real (and computer games too).

He still likes Warhammer now that he is 31 but now it is an enjoyable hobby like anyone can have, there is not the element of 'reality' in it anymore, although that lasted until well into his twenties.

brokeworkaholic

Jack: When do you say enough is enough? I wish I had your ability.

Sue: Close friend, or so I was led to believe. He does care, he makes the kindest gestures but unfortunately they happen when he has let me down. He will continue to lie, that's what he does. Maybe he is fobbing me off, pretending he cares. Maybe I am the issue, I want to be liked. Your last sentence hit a nerve...I need to eal with that head on.

Munchie: Living on a knifes edge, not knowing what I can & can't say is exactly one of the issues. The lack of emotion means to me that when he does shw it, I feel like he's worth "sticking with" & that it may come good in the end...but I just keep getting let down & incredibly hurt.

Errata: Could be, but I just want to be one of lifes good guys & give him the benefit of the doubt.

Jackie: It's the lies that confuse me as to whether it's just "him" or a personality disorder.

Pastures: I do not want him to be into me. His phrase is "Don't kid a kidder" - Maybe that's it. He is seriously pants at lying!!

Shegirl: 2 mutual friends mentioned it to me as they know us both & have worked with AS for many years. I suppose it may be more of a personality thing which is why I asked on here for advice from people that have experienced AS. There's 4 years worth of examples of lack of emotion. The "With love" was just a tiniest example. I needed a life-changing hospital procedure & he didn't wish me luck, didn't ask me after how I was etc. He turned it around to being my fault that he didn't enquire.

Julie: Thankyou. I will bear it in mind.

Lost Soul: Am aware that maybe I've been trying for too long to make "excuses" (reasons?) for his behaviour towards me.

Humphrey: That is exactly the fights I have with him. I've often told him that in his head he knows what he's saying but he doesn't relay that to me, which is where the confusion starts that lead onto the "Yeah but you said this..." fighting.

Dmg: Hadn't thought of bi-polar but that may be something to bear in mind. I didn't want to label him at all, I am sorry if this has offended anyone. He is an incredibly hot/cold person. He'll tell me off for not replying to one of his texts but when I do he'll tell me that not every text has to lead onto a conversation. Just one example!

Thankyou very much for your help & taking the time to reply.

Sambucus_Nigra

I think he is just playing you. Mind games. Sorry.

Savvy_Sue

I'm not sure where the "Yeah but you said this" fighting comes from. Tell him that what he said / didn't say upset you, because it seemed as if he didn't care. Then walk away. Leaves him with a choice: he can respond, or not, to what you've said.

There's one Aspie I know with whom you can either pick a fight, or not. But picking a fight isn't worth it, because he won't back down, ever. So I just tell him how what he said seemed to me, and walk away. I can't expend a lot of MY emotional energy making up for people who don't have the same kind of emotions as me.

Flyboy152

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I agree with being very careful with the TV programms/computer games etc. I personally have not seen pokemon as my son is 31, but I do know that even then he was young there were loads of 'childrens'' programmes I wouldn't let him watch such as Dungeons and Dragons (I wouldn't let ANY eight-year-old watch them tbh, let alone one on the AS). We didn't know he had Aspergers' Syndrome at the time, but when he was about 14 he got in interested in Warhammer and we were quite worried about that as he seemed to treat it as though it was real (and computer games too).

He still likes Warhammer now that he is 31 but now it is an enjoyable hobby like anyone can have, there is not the element of 'reality' in it anymore, although that lasted until well into his twenties.

Now that Flyboy12 is older, he does watch these programmes, because he has a different outlook on them. He is more able to understand that they are pretend. However, we now face different challenges, with what he hears at school and on televison etc. He still treats thing very literally and believes a lot of what he hears, or chooses to apply his own logic to them.

Errata

Errata: Could be, but I just want to be one of lifes good guys & give him the benefit of the doubt.

So give him the benfit of the doubt. It won't change his behaviour and perhaps force you to change yours. Only you know whether this 'friend' is worth that much effort. It would be far too one sided for me, but if it make you feel you're the better person 'one of the good guys' then what's to lose except part of your personality.

seven-day-weekend

Just to say, that although on the whole my son manages his condition quite well now he is 31, today my husband has had a real ear-bending about the killing of Osama Bin Laden, complete with the strategy, philosophy, possible consequences, what President Obama should do next, and what my son would do if he were President of the USA.

My husband could not get a word in edgeways for twenty minutes. A real Aspie monologue!:)

:rotfl::rotfl: