Aspergers/ASD support thread

jackieb

My daughter and son are both waiting to be tested for asperger's. I'd be really surprised about the lying though. Usually people with asperger's are painfully truthful. I know mine haven't been confirmed as having it yet (but i've been told it's very likely they do have it), but it seems they can't help themselves - there's no chance of getting away with a little white lie if they're going about - they'll out you in a second!

Sarahsaver

I tried 123 Magic with my DS but it caused MORE conflict and IMO was treating a child like you would train a dog, or expecting children to be like machines. I found that a bit of reading I did before influenced me. Alfie Kohn's Unconditional parenting, although i was already on his wavelength regarding parenting (punishment just teaches to avoid punishment not to be genuinely 'good') also the constraints of 123 were too much for all of us and just caused my son to be more angry.
Also I have started to read Laurie Coutures book Instead of Medicating and Punishing: Healing the Causes of Our Children’s Acting-Out Behavior by Parenting and Educating the Way Nature Intended Long title, expensive unless you get a second hand copy off amazon, but well worth a read.

julie03

thank you for all your reassurances, its amazing the contrasts tho, today he has been prancing about with two balls up his top pretending to be freddie mercury and singing i want to break free, pity he cant sing like him!

Savvy_Sue

I have carried on thinking about this.

brokeworkaholic wrote: »

cannot express himself emotionally at all to the point of his bday card to his Mum doesn't even say 'with love',

DS1 has never said he loves me, not even when he was tiny. Does that bother me? Not as much now as it did then. He 'lacks the wiring'. It's how he is. Actually he now very rarely buys cards: will phone or text or say the right words if instructed to do so, but can't see the point of spending "over £1" on "a useless piece of cardboard". He has a point ... although I have suggested places where he could get cheaper cards!

I told him that DS2 had asked how my arm was recently, and how pleasant that had been, and DS1 said "yeah, but that doesn't mean he actually cares!" Which is perfectly true!

brokeworkaholic wrote: »

There are just so many lies, that's what's worn me out.

I have to say that the brutal honesty is much easier to live with than lies. If you feel the same way, tell him, and get out of the relationship, whatever it is, if he continues to lie.

brokeworkaholic wrote: »

I can see the good in him, he can be so gorgeous, I love him dearly but feel if he doesn't have Aspergers then he is letting himself down for no reason & that it must be me he just doesn't care about.

Well, being brutally honest, maybe he doesn't care about you? Have you asked him, and do you believe the answer?

brokeworkaholic wrote: »

I am hoping that if someone tells me he is showing signs then at least I know he treats me so appallingly for a reason. If you say he is, I certainly wouldn't mention it to him at all. I would use it as a positive thing & try to learn how to communicate with him in a way we can work together with no more fighting. I don't want to lose my best friend.

Actually, being on the autistic spectrum is no excuse for treating other people appallingly. And there's no doubt that such people can be incredibly difficult to live with - and I've lived with a few! Not to mention the fact that relationships are a two way street: it sounds awfully as if only one of you wants to learn how to communicate well, only one of you wants to work together with no more fighting, and only one of you is in danger of losing your best friend.

PasturesNew

Aspies don't tell lies. If you're looking for a name, try liar, socio-path, bi-polar.
Or, maybe he's just an 4rse.
Or, maybe he's not that into you.
Or, maybe he's a user/loser charmer.

Doesn't sound like an Aspie to me for many reasons though... not just the lying bit.

shegirl

What made you think it was Aspergers?

I hate the way people think Aspergers and Autism are things they aren't!!!

What you have described does not sound like Aspergers at all.

As for 'not signing with love' in a card to his mother being an example of not being able to express himself emotionally,I think you need to understand what expressions of emotion are.Not writing 'with love' is nothing!And if that's all you can think of maybe you are looking for something that isn't there?

julie03

my 8yr old has aspergers and does lie, most of the time it is just his interpretation of what he thinks is the truth, but occasionally if he thinks he will get in trouble he will lie to get out of it, he is very bad at it and only ever lies to me or his dad, never at school.

i have also been told by the autisic co-ordinator that aspies can lie as i mentioned it to her

lost_soul_78

My sisters ex who she has a son with has aspergers. She has always said he doesn't know how to lie but he still managed to cheat.
Having known this guy for about 10 yrs, he really struggles to mix
with other people and has no understanding of other peoples feelings.

If this guy is lying to you several times a day, I would not think its aspergers as someone else said they can be very brutally honest. Are you maybe trying to make excuses for them?

Humphrey10

julie03 wrote: »

my 8yr old has aspergers and does lie, most of the time it is just his interpretation of what he thinks is the truth

I knew a couple of people (adults) with aspergers, and it seemed like they lied, but I think it was like julie03 says that it maybe wasn't deliberate, just their interpretation of the truth eg, I might ask, 'does the bathroom need cleaning', the reply 'no', when it was filthy, but they didn't think it mattered, thought it didn't 'need' cleaning as it could still be used in the state it was.

dmg24

PasturesNew wrote: »

Aspies don't tell lies. If you're looking for a name, try liar, socio-path, bi-polar.
Or, maybe he's just an 4rse.
Or, maybe he's not that into you.
Or, maybe he's a user/loser charmer.

Doesn't sound like an Aspie to me for many reasons though... not just the lying bit.

I'm going to disagree with you there - lying is not a characteristic of bipolar, in fact there is a strong coincidence of bipolar and aspergers, so quite the opposite. It is a common misconception, I would guess it relates to those with bipolar having extremes of emotion and hence often extreme lifestyles, so stories can seem false or exaggerated.

Obviously bipolar can be part of a dual diagnosis, so lying could be part of that, but equally so can aspergers.

Otherwise I agree, sometimes we're all too quick to label people, when they might just not be a very nice person.