Aspergers/ASD support thread

julie03

he gets some one on one at school and the sen there is great, and he is being refered for occupational therapy, but thats more for his dyspraxia.
i must admit i never really have watched pokemon as my 16yr old used to watch it and i found incredibly boring, i have never really thought about influences, he has watched lord of the rings before now with his big brother, i just think because the older one watched them at that age he will be fine.
sometimes he is really hard to get throught to as he will argue and argue and if he thinks he is right, thats it, you cant move him, this is when we get these outbursts, we have been told by the autism support to just keep giving him 2 options when this happens and use our hands to show him the decisions and try and get him to do the right thing. but when they are swearing and saying these things its so hard
as i said they are rare, just looking for reassurance my son wont turn into a murderer when his older

blue_monkey_2

Unfortunately, we cna do our utmost to protect them from bad words, language and actions but most of them come from school. My kids, one with ASD and the other NT come home with all sorts of words, all you have to do is punish the unwanted behaviour. Getting support and 1:1 is not going to be any help if they then, after school, go into the street or playground and hear other kids using the words in anger.

There are some VERY unsavoury children in my sons class and recently, at age 7, I found one of them giving somene the finger and encouraging other kids to do the same.

My 7 yo son has ADHD and ASD (Aspergers) but he has never recreated what he seen on T&J - and this is his favourite programme - because he knows it is unacceptable. He used to lash out but has had a lot of support regarding this at school and at home (of course) and yes, he does still lash out but very rarely. He is taught that cartoons are just pretend and not to be copied.

The outbursts are our kids way of releasing the frustration. We was told at the support group that we should let them do it but they have to go to their own room, otherwise it would lead to being very frustrated (and as an adult we know how this feels and we can deal with our anger). I don't think that we can ever stop the swear words when they are used in anger, we will never been able to control the anger either, all we can do is help them deal with way to control the anger. I too dread when he get's bigger.

blue_monkey_2

julie03 wrote: »

but when they are swearing and saying these things its so hard
as i said they are rare, just looking for reassurance my son wont turn into a murderer when his older

He won't. He is expressing his anger, he will learn that it is not acceptable to use these words as he gets older, expecially if everyone punishes him for using them. It's a learning urve, the same with anything and as with any child, but it just takes longer with our kids.

My friends very polite, very obediant and very lovely 7 yo son told her to F Off in anger. It is all part of growing up and learning what is acceptable of them. I swore at my mother and I never murdered anyone....... yet. Although I have been close on some days

Flyboy152

julie03 wrote: »

he gets some one on one at school and the sen there is great, and he is being refered for occupational therapy, but thats more for his dyspraxia.
i must admit i never really have watched pokemon as my 16yr old used to watch it and i found incredibly boring, i have never really thought about influences, he has watched lord of the rings before now with his big brother, i just think because the older one watched them at that age he will be fine.
sometimes he is really hard to get throught to as he will argue and argue and if he thinks he is right, thats it, you cant move him, this is when we get these outbursts, we have been told by the autism support to just keep giving him 2 options when this happens and use our hands to show him the decisions and try and get him to do the right thing. but when they are swearing and saying these things its so hard...

What you are describing are very common traits in AS. But the galling thing is finding out he is right and you are wrong, very embarrassing and more difficult the next time you have a dispute.

Joking aside, I agree with the strategies you have already been given. Flyboy12 responds much better to straight logic, if that logic is given the opportunity to vary, he gets very confused, which makes it more difficult for him to make a decision. So, we reduce the choices he has, to as few as possible.

...as i said they are rare, just looking for reassurance my son wont turn into a murderer when his older

It is high unlikely to happen, but monitor his behaviour and if the outburst get more frequent and/or more intense, you may want to consult your GP/SENCo/OT etc. They may be able to help with referrals to CAHMS.

brokeworkaholic

I am so very tired emotionally.
Can someone please in a nutshell just spare me a minute or 2 to help me? For my own welfare I need to know, as I have peaked & am on the way down....
He's mid 30's, is extremely "hot & cold" with me, unpredictable with everyone, cannot express himself emotionally at all to the point of his bday card to his Mum doesn't even say 'with love', his clothing has to be meticulous, his belongings aren't to be touched by anyone & he constantly lying to my face or by text (on a daily basis) but says it's OK because it's about small things. There are just so many lies, that's what's worn me out.

I can see the good in him, he can be so gorgeous, I love him dearly but feel if he doesn't have Aspergers then he is letting himself down for no reason & that it must be me he just doesn't care about.

I am hoping that if someone tells me he is showing signs then at least I know he treats me so appallingly for a reason. If you say he is, I certainly wouldn't mention it to him at all. I would use it as a positive thing & try to learn how to communicate with him in a way we can work together with no more fighting. I don't want to lose my best friend.

chewmylegoff

brokeworkaholic wrote: »

I am so very tired emotionally.
Can someone please in a nutshell just spare me a minute or 2 to help me? For my own welfare I need to know, as I have peaked & am on the way down....
He's mid 30's, is extremely "hot & cold" with me, unpredictable with everyone, cannot express himself emotionally at all to the point of his bday card to his Mum doesn't even say 'with love', his clothing has to be meticulous, his belongings aren't to be touched by anyone & he constantly lying to my face or by text (on a daily basis) but says it's OK because it's about small things. There are just so many lies, that's what's worn me out.

I can see the good in him, he can be so gorgeous, I love him dearly but feel if he doesn't have Aspergers then he is letting himself down for no reason & that it must be me he just doesn't care about.

I am hoping that if someone tells me he is showing signs then at least I know he treats me so appallingly for a reason. If you say he is, I certainly wouldn't mention it to him at all. I would use it as a positive thing & try to learn how to communicate with him in a way we can work together with no more fighting. I don't want to lose my best friend.

it doesn't really matter how much information you provide, noone is going to be able to tell you whether on not he has aspergers by having a discussion about him on an internet forum.

you can read about aspergers by googling it. this will give you an idea.

jackomdj

Started typing & lost it.

I don't think having a name will change things or make it more understandable if you already think there is something different.

I believe if my Mum was young now she would have a statement, does not make her any different. My sister really struggles with how my Mum behaves, but I am of the mind that getting cross will not change her or make her behave differently, as she does not realise that she is behaving abnormally. If you think your friend is different then just accept that these traits make part of their whole and that is simply how they are.

Savvy_Sue

Is this a best friend, or a boyfriend? I could live with a friend treating me badly, perhaps, but not a boyfriend.

And the lying is unusual in an Aspie. They are usually honest. Brutally honest.

And if he doesn't care about you, why would you continue making the effort?

munchings-n-crunchings

I just picked up the point regarding the lying.
Both my children, young adults, have autism, and lack the ability to lie, which the psychologist always referred to as a characteristic.

I always used to get third party validation for some of the things my son told me, just so I didn't jump to his defense with incorrect information. But always, he had told me the truth as he saw it, good or bad.

The lack of emotion is always difficult, but there are occasional glimmers that he does care about me and his sister, and that's what I remember.

It can be very difficult living with someone with Asperger's, and I have 2.
It can be like living on a knife edge, not knowing how they are going to react, but it when it's family, you can't walk away.

A diagnosis will not change this person, and they might not want it for themselves.
My daughter fully understands at 16 why she is as she is, and this helps her understand the world around her. My son has no interest, and so struggles more with everyday life.

You will need to decide what you want from a relationship, and what is important to you. You may love this person, but if you in return need love, care and understanding, this may not be the one for you.

I hope you get some more good advice,
Regards
Munchie

Errata

He might just be a clunker, plenty of those around.