Aspergers/ASD support thread

PasturesNew

I had a "difference moment" tonight. Sort of thing I try to avoid.

Two of my "speshulness" are:
1) Bright artificial light hurts my eyes if it's dark outside.
2) Noise. Especially unexpected noise -and- certain sound ranges .... these REALLY HURT my ears.

And I went out for a treat. I went to get a takeaway. Trouble was, when I got there it was quite noisy. TV, phone kept going off... and it had a laminate floor - and a toddler clumping about in her mother's metal tipped stillettos and whining when her mother was trying to control/contain her. All these noises were peaks in my hearing range.

And the takeaway took half an hour before it was ready. I sat there forcing myself to be calm. First 10 minutes I was jumpy/anxious. Then the mother took the child to the car. So it was just the TV and phone to contend with ... and that glaring fluorescent bright light

One of the problems with child noise being a particular problem/pain for me is, you can't explain that to parents because [a] it's their little darling/well of course children are noisy ... and how can you put into words to a complete stranger what your problem is ... "I am sorry but I have a medical condition such that the noise of your child is making me quite frankly wanting to just scream at it SHUT THE FOOK UP!!!!!!!!!!!"

Anyway. I did decide to sit it out, no matter how much the pain was. Had a raging headache after 8 minutes.

I avoid these type of situations normally. Completely. But now I know why I get the problems I do, it makes it easier to manage them as I no longer feel I'm "mad/odd/weird". It's just for me a problem - like others wear glasses or a twitch.

Anyway - takeaway was good.
Came back home and ate it in the dark and silence. Marvellous

Savvy_Sue

So true! although I wouldn't say I share DS1's differences, I do have a mild hearing loss. Perversely, this means that certain noises really do my head in! And I've had balance problems, which were at their worst in supermarkets! Bright lights, noise ...

So, not mad, not odd, not even very weird - lots of us out there!

ailuro2

Thanks for posting this topic- having read the thread and a little bit more I now realise I work with someone who has Asperger's- all these years I have though it strange that he would stand so close up to everyone, and the style of his communication is hard to work with sometimes. He has never mentioned Asperger's to me, but now I know I'll perhaps understand him a bit better. Thanks again!

PasturesNew

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Why's that, Ellie? Genuinely curious ... don't remember the application form asking any question which caused DS1 to declare it, and it's not that long since I stood over DS2 while he applied for his provisional?

Not sure why AS would affect your driving - if anything it would have a beneficial effect because you'd probably concentrate better!

Yes, I'd say that I now realise why I drive like I do. Because of AS.
I have to follow rules. So I am a textbook driver. Very courteous, aware of all other traffic, calculating speeds/distances/opportunities. I don't break speed limits, always in the correct lane.

Meticulous, aware.

In fact driving is great, because I don't feel a need to "fit in" as I am in my little box. So I "belong" when I am driving. And in my need to fit in I feel it actually makes me a better driver.

With driving I KNOW the signals. The protocols. A wave when somebody lets you through, a signal with the indicator. With driving its easy as you aren't reading people. You are following patterns of road behaviour.

You know bikes can wobble and when they are most likely to.
You know cars nudging out are most likely to go for a gap.
You know if you're passing a slip road there's a slim chance somebody's trapped out on the fast lane and wants to be in it so might make a dash for it across you.

THERE are your visual clues.

With driving I am "ahead of the game" for getting things right. Unlike in social communications where I never had the rule book!

DebtphobicDeirdre

Thanks for that Sue- it probably is time I did something rather than let it keep niggling away. Might ring SIL who is a GP and ask her advice.

viktory

This has been one of the friendliest, most informative threads I have read on here for ages - thank you everyone who has posted

Ellie2758

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Why's that, Ellie? Genuinely curious ... don't remember the application form asking any question which caused DS1 to declare it, and it's not that long since I stood over DS2 while he applied for his provisional?

Not sure why AS would affect your driving - if anything it would have a beneficial effect because you'd probably concentrate better!

I guess AS affects different people in different ways and certainly I know people with AS who are perfectly good drivers. However, my daughter is completely unable to anticipate, which is a huge problem when driving as she cannot work out what other people MIGHT do. As a result she almost hit a police car on one occasion :eek: as the fact that it had it's siren on did not indicate to her that it might make a sudden turn (which it did - in front of us!) She also finds it virtually impossible to concentrate on more than one thing at a time - hence she switched to learning in an automatic. Unfortunately even that proved too much for her and she has now abandoned her driving lessons (which is a relief for me as I found sitting with her when she practiced absolutely TERRIFYING). She would also tend to assume that others "knew" what she was intending to do - presumably because of her lack of a "theory of mind" i.e. she assumes that others know what she knows. There is a test that they do on young children who are suspected of being autistic - it is called the Sally and (sorry, I've forgotten the other name) test. It involves the use of 2 dolls one of whom moves something that the other one had placed whilst the other one is out of the room You then ask the child where THEY think the doll who wasnt in the room will look for the object. Because they lack a theory of mind (i.e. they assume others know what they know) children with autism will tend to say that the doll who was absent will look in the place where the other doll put the object, even though they werent in the room to see this happen. I'm probably not explaining this very well!:rolleyes:

Taffyscot

Hi all, I wish I had had an understanding of aspergers when I was married. My ex certainly has aspergers and I wish I had known really I would have made allowances. After all I would not have left him if he had cancer would I? He doesn't have any friends, doesn't like company, sits outside on the patio when the son's friends come by. He never shows emotions and seems very distant from everything. He only makes negative comments and is totally unaware of how he comes over to people. He doesn't seem to care either if friends pop by and he watches the tv and doesn't come and join the conversation or offer them a drink. He thought that anytime the children or myself had to go to the hospital ( I have osteoporosis and have broken many bones in my body.) with an emergency that he didn't want to go as it was an inconvenience to him. I feel quite sorry for him and really wish that I had tried to help him overcome some of this. In the end I couldn't stand not having friends call back - for obvious reasons, and friends finding him standoffish and curt. I couldn't stand his inability to show feeling and indeed have feeling for any of his family when we were ill. I tried to stand it for over 20 years but I really wish I had known when I was married to him. After leaving and filing for divorce many, many friends asked me if I knew my ex had aspergers and I was amazed they didnt tell me when they saw his inappropriate behaviour. Seems like aspergers must be curable tho because now he wouldn't dream of not taking his new lady to the hospital, or having her friends over. I guess we live and learn - slight hint of sarcasm there which I am not proud of but it still hurts that it takes my leaving to help his "aspergers" be overcome. taffy

PasturesNew

Taffyscot wrote: »

sits outside on the patio .... He never shows emotions and seems very distant from everything. He only makes negative comments and is totally unaware of how he comes over to people. He doesn't seem to care either if friends pop by and he watches the tv and doesn't come and join the conversation or offer them a drink.

I am a bit like a lot of that. The "negative comments" - they aren't. I am accused of that often. They are factual anecdotes of our understanding/view of something - and/or analysis of how things could turn out. Honest!

Taffyscot wrote: »

Seems like aspergers must be curable tho because now he wouldn't dream of not taking his new lady to the hospital, or having her friends over.

It isn't curable. However, sometimes, somebody can randomly reach us. I have had two people in my life, who because of the way they were, made me behave differently. Maybe he found somebody like that too. He didn't change, just learnt a new behaviour (or maybe was under the thumb!)

Ellie2758

Taffyscot wrote: »

Hi all, I wish I had had an understanding of aspergers when I was married. My ex certainly has aspergers and I wish I had known really I would have made allowances. After all I would not have left him if he had cancer would I? He doesn't have any friends, doesn't like company, sits outside on the patio when the son's friends come by. He never shows emotions and seems very distant from everything. He only makes negative comments and is totally unaware of how he comes over to people. He doesn't seem to care either if friends pop by and he watches the tv and doesn't come and join the conversation or offer them a drink. He thought that anytime the children or myself had to go to the hospital ( I have osteoporosis and have broken many bones in my body.) with an emergency that he didn't want to go as it was an inconvenience to him. I feel quite sorry for him and really wish that I had tried to help him overcome some of this. In the end I couldn't stand not having friends call back - for obvious reasons, and friends finding him standoffish and curt. I couldn't stand his inability to show feeling and indeed have feeling for any of his family when we were ill. I tried to stand it for over 20 years but I really wish I had known when I was married to him. After leaving and filing for divorce many, many friends asked me if I knew my ex had aspergers and I was amazed they didnt tell me when they saw his inappropriate behaviour. Seems like aspergers must be curable tho because now he wouldn't dream of not taking his new lady to the hospital, or having her friends over. I guess we live and learn - slight hint of sarcasm there which I am not proud of but it still hurts that it takes my leaving to help his "aspergers" be overcome. taffy

You did well to last 20 years IMHO. My husband isnt anything like this. Well, only a bit. He isnt anti-social, just struggles with what to say in social situations. He also has a bit of trouble working out how other people are feeling but he would never be put out if one of us had to go to hospital though it is entirely possible that he wouldnt ask the obvious questions that non-aspies would. Like, "why do you have to go to hospital?", for instance! He doesnt query anything much, just accepts stuff and carries on in his own little world. He is a happy chap but doesnt react much - which can drive you mad after a bit. As I say, he doesnt really ask questions so you tend to feel that he isnt interested. Which maybe he isnt! He's a very good listener though..........................:rolleyes: