Aspergers/ASD support thread

Barcode

My gf jokes that I probably have aspergers - I don't need to list the details, only to say that the so-called "symptoms" match me. But I don't see the point in a diagnosis. I don't have problems doing what I do (PhD Philosophy), maintain relationships with those that I want to - so I do not see the benefit of a diagnosis. I can, however, see the importance for children who will likely need some sort of support at school.

I have one brother who is officially a high-functioning autistic. I do think it's mostly genetic. I've been reading stuff about how certain hormones can affect the personality. It turns out that us siblings also have a genetic condition, which on the face of it, seems unrelated - but having spoken to others who are predisposed to what some of us have had, it seems that asperger's or high functioning autism is fairly normal.

I wouldn't worry too much about it unless it is affecting your life seriously. This need to label what seems perfectly normal is irksome.

Taffyscot

Hi Ellie, Thank you for kind comment. I remember once we went away camping and it was 300 miles away. My eldest son; who was then about 14 and very responsible about his medication; forgot his medication. I never used to check on him as he took his medication everywhere, had a little pack on his belt as he has epilepsy and never wanted to have a convulsion. Anyway he forgot his meds and we were away from home and I said we would have to go and find a doctor in the town we were in and get a prescription. I couldn't drive the big camper van and my ex said it was not convenient to drive 5 miles to another town with a doctor's in it and that my son should be taught a lesson and if he had a convulsion then he wouldn't forget his meds again. "It wasn't convenient after all for us to break up our camping trip totally unreasonable." Thank God his mother was in another camper and insisted that he drove us to the doctor's. Or the time that I broke my wrist so badly it looked like a swan's neck and 2 men drove my car and their own back to my house. My ex said he was just ready to barbecue and he wasnt going to spend the inconvenient Saturday night in emerg. MY middle son then about 17 picked him up by his clothes he was so angry and said "give me the keys to the car you !!!!!!! my mother needs to go to the hospital." Saying this tho he wasn't really a mean person just totally oblivious to how he was making us feel. Afterwards he did take me and said he should have gone right away. (It was the only time that he did take me because my break was that bad.) Sorry for rambling. I did a really big reply to the person with aspergers that answered me yesterday but I lost it in outer space.

PasturesNew

Barcode wrote: »

My gf

You've got a partner

Barcode wrote: »

I don't have problems doing what I do (PhD Philosophy)

You managed at school

Barcode wrote: »

maintain relationships with those that I want to

You meet people and have the choice

Barcode wrote: »

I wouldn't worry too much about it unless it is affecting your life seriously. This need to label what seems perfectly normal is irksome.

Affecting ....

I've not really dated for 20 years. The few times I have, it's tended to be pretty !!!!!! as I was a walkover, just keen to be amiable so had some tough times there. Then I learnt to be more wary, so stopped and put the barriers up.
I had big problems at school, labelled disruptive but with an IQ of 163, resulting in not achieving.
I don't mix with people so don't know people to maintain relationships with - and never seem to find people to mix with

Overall, it has affected my life seriously since I was about 8 or 9. On a daily basis. And every day problems were compounded by the events that had gone before....

If I had a bf and friends and a good qualification/job, then I'd have never questioned what was "wrong" with me, because those are some of the life markers that have always been missing... and I never knew why.

DebtphobicDeirdre

PasturesNew
maybe there is somone out there with an IQ of 163 waiting for someone just like you! Why not try a self help group for understanding friends.
I have said that my prayer for my DS is that he can be a happy, useful adult with friends and a partner- but it would be fine if they were also "different" in some way.

Triker

This has been an incredibly informative and moving thread to read.

Thank you all who have shared your experiences and knowledge.

Savvy_Sue

PN, would it help to look at things the other way round, ie there is nothing at all wrong with you, but most of the rest of the world is wired differently, which doesn't make for a good fit with you?

DS1 definitely lacks the wiring in his brain for 'love' in any conventional sense ... but he has formed a few strong friendships, in some cases with equally 'different' people.

PasturesNew

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

PN, would it help to look at things the other way round, ie there is nothing at all wrong with you, but most of the rest of the world is wired differently, which doesn't make for a good fit with you?

DS1 definitely lacks the wiring in his brain for 'love' in any conventional sense ... but he has formed a few strong friendships, in some cases with equally 'different' people.

This might be the problem
I DO think it's THEM that's different/weird.

I am not down about being different. Not depressed or sad or anything. Just different and not knowing how/why. Now I am starting to realise my "difference" moments and I am trying to behave differently in those moments. e.g. now when I am anxious/annoyed, I know it's my difference, so I deep breath and think calm thoughts. And now I know I am "observing" the world, I feel OK feeling on the outside, whereas before I thought everybody thought/felt like I do, now I know they see things differently. It's all helping!

One of my traits is "one sided verbosity"... oh, how that's cause me no end of trouble in the past. Every day. Never realised before I was doing it/it isn't what people do! So I will start to rein that in when I realise it's happening

Like now.
The end.

Jimney

Our 27 year old son lives independantly, He has no friends due to his condition but really wants to go on a foreign holiday. We need someone who would be compatable with is condition. Anyone know where or who to contact. Thanks.

Barcode

Hummmmm. Your post seems a little presumptuous PN, but that may be my fault for not explaining properly.

(1) I didn't "manage" at school - I never went (!) (long, tedious, story).
(2) I don't meet "new" people, but yes, I'm reasonably comfortable in my (very) small circle. I don't know what to suggest without sounding trite.
(3) I met my gf on-line. I think the internet is useful for people like yourself in that regard. At least you have more control over who you meet.

I suppose you just need to evaluate what benefit a "diagnosis" may be - if you think your GP can offer appropriate support, then yes, obviously it's worth pushing for.

I don't need to be told I fit a certain profile. And I'm reluctant to consider it a disorder as such. I realise that might offend some, and that's not my intention. I suppose I just don't see a huge issue in not wanting to deal with people and certain other things. Obviously, you feel uncomfortable with that, and I wish you all the best in trying to get help.

Ellie2758

Taffyscot wrote: »

Hi Ellie, Thank you for kind comment. I remember once we went away camping and it was 300 miles away. My eldest son; who was then about 14 and very responsible about his medication; forgot his medication. I never used to check on him as he took his medication everywhere, had a little pack on his belt as he has epilepsy and never wanted to have a convulsion. Anyway he forgot his meds and we were away from home and I said we would have to go and find a doctor in the town we were in and get a prescription. I couldn't drive the big camper van and my ex said it was not convenient to drive 5 miles to another town with a doctor's in it and that my son should be taught a lesson and if he had a convulsion then he wouldn't forget his meds again. "It wasn't convenient after all for us to break up our camping trip totally unreasonable." Thank God his mother was in another camper and insisted that he drove us to the doctor's. Or the time that I broke my wrist so badly it looked like a swan's neck and 2 men drove my car and their own back to my house. My ex said he was just ready to barbecue and he wasnt going to spend the inconvenient Saturday night in emerg. MY middle son then about 17 picked him up by his clothes he was so angry and said "give me the keys to the car you !!!!!!! my mother needs to go to the hospital." Saying this tho he wasn't really a mean person just totally oblivious to how he was making us feel. Afterwards he did take me and said he should have gone right away. (It was the only time that he did take me because my break was that bad.) Sorry for rambling. I did a really big reply to the person with aspergers that answered me yesterday but I lost it in outer space.

Oblivious - that sums it up nicely really doesnt it?

Barcode - you are happy not to be diagnosed. That is fine for you.

Pastures New - as Sue has said, it isnt that you are wrong. For people on the autistic continuum it is that the rest of us that are wrong. Lol @ your verbosity:D I got stuck next to a chap with that problem/feature at a meal out once. Ironically it was a meal for parents of kids with autism/aspergers:rolleyes: It is great that you are working out what your problems might be. I am absolutely certain that there are websites where you can "meet" others with similar issues.