Aspergers/ASD support thread

DebbieMids72

PasturesNew wrote: »

I nearly had a meltdown in a car park yesterday. Luckily, now I know what my problem is, I managed to hold on and not go into a paddy

I'd parked (as usual) away from other cars. I like to know that when I come back to my car I have room to get in and get my shopping in. Not unreasonable at a supermarket.

When I got back a car had parked badly on one side, couldn't open the passenger door. On the other side this old duffer had parked straight but too close to my car. I could open my door and I could get in, but I couldn't open the door enough to get any of my shopping in at all. So, the duffer's just ahead of me and I see him open his boot and put a couple of things in. I put the whole trolley in front of my car, and waited... and waited....

Old duffer got into his car... and sat there. And sat there.

Finally I snapped, grabbed one bag containing a 6-pack of cokes, opened my door and went to try to put it in the car. It was clear I couldn't open my door enough ... and the old duffer still hadn't started his engine. So I started to flip out and be angry. I slammed my door and stomped off ....

Being an Aspie I can't "just ask". There's no such thing. I can't "just ask him to move out" or "just ask" anything.

So, old duffer's STILL there. I wanted to put the trolley behind his car and sod off.... or tip it up in the car park behind his car and sod off.... but I kept cool.

Eventually duffer chops started his car and f3cked off. grrrrrrr

I usually always park in an end spot of a row. Always. This time I'd tried out a different area of the car park and had headed for an empty area. I won't do that again.

Big hugs PasturesNew xx.

Me and my husband hate it when people park too close, it's so not fair, in my opinion.

Whenever I park at our local supermarket I go to the back, where it's quiet. I think other drivers should have more respect for other people. I can fully sypmathise with your situation, I would have been fuming.

Sarahsaver

hi you don't need an official diagnosis for the DLA;)

chivers1977

Mandles wrote: »

My son has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. He is still at playgroup. He does laugh at things and i thought he had a sense of humour(finds you've been framed funny). I am in a bit of limbo about it all at the moment especially when i was told that he probably will have no social skills.This alone is such a huge thing to accept. Is this always the case? Will he have problems socially?

His main problem is the lack of fear of danger and he is hyper all day long and has real anger problems. I rarely take him out (he does go to playgroup a lot) as i just can't cope with him in shops on my own. And we rarely go out socially as you cant take him as you are just chasing him around peoples houses and stopping him grabbing ornaments, switching all buttons/switches on or off etc the whole time. So another question is do you think i will be able to get financial help. Unfortunately i have no family that can look after him(in laws are too old to look after him) and i have one friend that i could ask but i would not expect her to without paying her a decent amount because i know he will be awful. and i am skint! I would love to finally go out and have a normal evening with our other kids who are fantastic and really help a lot. .Might be worth mentioning that i have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown with him , especially as he burnt a relatives house down after being in the house for 15 mins!!

Also this blue badge thing sounds great as trying to hold his hand as he will just run in the road is a nightmare so is this good enough grounds?

It is all such a shock but if i can get some things sorted it would be great as our whole family revolve around him and keeping him happy and i i just feel so guilty as the other kids get a bit neglected really.

This is just like my friend's son who is 4 in May. He goes to nursery FT at the moment but this will be reducing unfortunatley due to work issues. I pick him up from nursery at the moment and it is a military operation to get him and my son out to the car safely due to the running.........They almost have the proper diagnosis of aspergers and have had lots of visits etc.

Am I reading this properly that they may be able to claim DLA, carers allowance, more tax credits and have a blue badge for him? THis would all be a great help as mum is due to have twins in next 2 wks. :eek: :eek: Would it be the CAB they would go to for assistance in completing the form?

Thank you in advance, I want to do anything I can to help but feel a bit helpless......

Sarahsaver

they could get dla they do not have to wait for a diagnosis
they DO have to know how to 'do' a dla form;)

blue_monkey_2

HI chivers,

Your friend can only claim carers allowance if she earns less than £90 a week - so even if on maternity pay it will exceed this. If she is not going back to work they will need proof of this as well though, even if she brings home less after childcare she will still not be entitled so she might want to weigh up what is best for her.

The DLA is for her son so yes, she can apply for that, and she will get the disabled child element of CTC if she is on the Middle or Higher rate. He will not get Mobility part of DLA because you do not get that for children under 5, they will write to her again when he is 5 (DS is 5 next week and I have not heard anything yet though) so it will be the care element that he gets.

She can apply to her local county council (not local counil) for her Blue Badge - this goes on the saftey aspect of keeping the child safe - she should find details and an application form online which you send off with a small fee.

It is very hard and I find it hard to make 'new' friends but the old friends I have accept us as we are. We even have problems when we go to families houses - my FIL threatened to smack my son if he did not 'calm down'. I said 'you bloody won't' while my husband sat there like an idiot and said nothing. He may have bullied his own kids but he is not mine and I gave him a piece of my mind!!

People just do not understand the problems we have and how a simple 'no you cannot do that/touch that' can result in an aggressive outburst. So it does become easier to not bother going anywhere. I am having my garden done up because we cannot go anywhere and the kids miss out, they need somewhere to play safely and ride their bikes otherwise they will never have these skills, so I'll have to pay to get it done.

Anyway, I wanted to say that it was lovely that you, as her friend, relealise the problems she faces day to day as many do not, and I just wanted to give you some recognition of that, it really is wonderful that you are so supportive. She has a wonderful friend in you for wanting to help as much as you can to help her and the family.

blue_monkey_2

Chivers, there are a couple of guides on filling out the forms so she will need to refer to this all the time.

I have also heard that once you re-apply after the intial 2 years the payments are continuing from application until the age of 16 now as they do realise that this is a condition that children will not 'just grow out of'.

Sarahsaver

From personal experience they do not see many things as permanent but if they do look on asperger's this way that's good.
AFAIK you could be asked to do a renewal any time though.

shazrobo

blue_monkey wrote: »

Chivers, there are a couple of guides on filling out the forms so she will need to refer to this all the time.

I have also heard that once you re-apply after the intial 2 years the payments are continuing from application until the age of 16 now as they do realise that this is a condition that children will not 'just grow out of'.

i'm afraid to tell you this is not true in all cases
one of my twins, got it til he is 16, the other continues to get forms every two years, and they have the same conditions

chivers1977

Thanks Ladies

I will speak with her today and see if she can get booked in with local CAB.

As her OH has lost his contract, the household income appears that it will be SMP only. I have told them that they should claim CTC anyway so they will have to get advice on all of the benefits that they may be able to claim.

I did find this on the DWP website which looked interesting:

Prognosis and duration of disabling effects
Although adolescents with these conditions progress in their education and are able to acquire a variety of daily living skills as they mature, it is unlikely that there will be much substantial change in their abilities in adulthood. Adults with moderate/severe autism are unlikely to be able to live independently or be employed. Those with high functioning autism, including Asperger syndrome, may acquire jobs, but their condition impedes their ability to secure or retain employment without support. Jobs secured may be of a lower level than their educational ability, and people may be unable to remain in a job for prolonged periods of time.

Learning disability runs a life long course with little change.

Once care and mobility needs have been established they are unlikely to improve and a life award should be considered.

However, intellectual or physical deterioration can occur in later life and may result in increasing care and mobility needs.

In all cases - Indefinite award

All information must be taken into account when considering the duration of disabling effects and the duration of disabling effects must be based on the particular circumstances of the individual claimant.

Mandles

shazrobo wrote: »

i'm afraid to tell you this is not true in all cases
one of my twins, got it til he is 16, the other continues to get forms every two years, and they have the same conditions

Good grief. You do so well as i struggle with one with it, let alone twins. You must be on your toes all day long. That is so wierd how 1 has to be assessed . Did he/she not "perform" in the 20 minute interview with dr as well as the other?! I only say this as dr did not see too much problem until the speech therapist(who i am so pleased that she was there as she has met him in playgroup surroundings twice) said no, he is usually completely hyper the whole time and cannot stick to any activity. I love it when they say "can you draw me a face?" and he just says "no!" and walks off. You gotta laugh or else you cry.

Anyone just got the low rate DLA? Just wondering as i will be gutted as it is hardly worth the 10 hr form and on paper he may not seem as bad as he is.