Aspergers/ASD support thread

SingleSue

This thread is amazing!

When I usually start telling my friends what has been going on, they tend to look at me as if I am some sort of freak mother!

I have an 11 year old Aspergic son and a 10 year old complex autistic son and they couldn't be more different, it is like complete opposite ends of the spectrum (I also have a 14 year old dyslexic son who they tried to label autistic but I disagreed and have eventually been proved right on that one).

Youngest son and clothes - boy is that fun! When they have non school uniform days at the school, he is the only child who will turn up wearing uniform, as far as he is concerned, home clothes are for home and school clothes for school. He will not wear anything that goes on his waist, will stay in long trousers even when it's sweltering outside and changing for P.E? Forget it!

We did have a problem getting him into school, it would be a constant battle to get him out of the car, drag him up the path and into the school until his head master came up with the brainwave of arriving for school 30 mins before anyone else (thus avoiding the hoardes of children in the playground) and leaving 30 mins earlier at the end of the day...such a simple thing but by god has it worked!

My middle son is awkward with the style of clothes he wears, he only really likes jogging bottoms and socks are a nightmare... we managed to get hold of some old plane socks (not the tight ones to prevent blood clots) which are given out free on long haul flights for comfort, they are seamless but our supplies are rapidly dwindling and he will not wear any other socks...especially ones which have a toe and heel seam.

My biggest problem is my ex husband, he refuses to believe there is anything wrong with the boys and says it's me making it all up, this is despite my youngest having to spend time at a specialist autism school (where his diagnosis was confirmed once more), that he has support from this very same school in an outreach manner in his now main stream school, that he is statemented (where again he had to see various specialists and they all agreed he has autism), has a one to one at school and spends half days in the specialist support unit in his school (they would like him to spend full days there but he expressed a wish to be with familiar children in main stream in the mornings...progress isn't as good but he is happier). Nope, as far as he is concerned, it's me being namby pamby.

He is the same with the middle son, again despite him being permanently excluded from his main stream school for aggression and violence and spending over a year at a specialist school, being statemented, receiving one to one etc etc.

Ex is getting married next month and despite frequent requests for a plan of the day (oh and trying to explain that youngest is very funny about shoes, changing clothes etc) he refuses to provide information so I can prepare them....when I have tried to advise him of simple strategies for coping with any behaviour (and the possible reasons behind it), he just tells me that rather than having to do all that 'work', then they won't come (more specifially the youngest one as he needs the most support and more things freak him out) and he will only have the 'normal' one. His idea of dealing with any situation that may arise is to smack..which of course just makes them worse, and then I get the blame for not giving them discipline!

My biggest worry is that after all the hard work myself and the schools have put in, that it will all be in ruins after the wedding and we will have to start right from the beginning again....

Arggghhhhhh

Sarahsaver

You are right about the planning, we have to leave the house early too to make sure we get to school on time.
You have a diagnosis so you KNOW you are right. Ex's can be a pain but then that is why they are EX!
What do you think about this, should i contact my ex's ex who has a son who would be 10 now, and tell her DS has ASD? when I used to have to look after ex stepson he would exhibit behaviours that caused me a great deal of concern but the ex just thought I was being an evil behatch stepmother :eek: he used to walk round in circles, pee on the floor, eat his clothes, throw himself down the stairs, have totally random outbursts. Also the ex's sister has a child with 'special needs' but I never exactly new the nature of the needs. THis is so awkward cos if EX knows I have contacted these people it may open a whole can of worms that I dont want to open. He was 'allegedly' aggressive, 'allegedly' a heavy cannabis user and so on and so on. Our life is a million miles better since he went.

SingleSue

Personally I would leave it .....especially if he is aggressive.

As for life....yep so is ours!

Sarahsaver

Makes me wonder if it runs in the family, mind you he was a psychopath ( I dont mean that as a joke I mean he fitted the profile perfectly ALLEGEDLY)

BUT... also the ex's obsessive behaviour and apparent disregard for peoples' feelings could have been ASD. Ho Hum.

NoahsPennilessMummy

SarahSaver.......My DS has ear defenders......We got some from Peltor Kid....they are bright green but he loves them!

They really help him in any noisy difficult situation, he wears them in school when it gets too noisy......better than taking him out of class for quiet time with his one to one which is what used to happen:rolleyes:

He is only 5 tho and I know that he may not be as keen to wear them as he gets older.

NoahsPennilessMummy

Single Sue

I have the same thing with my ex:mad:
He knows DS is autistic he was there when he was diagnosed.

However he has no idea of how much this affects DS.
He stays at ex`s once a week and behaves like a "normal" child in every way which I find hard to believe!!

He tries to bring DS up "normal" which doesnt work.
DS recently diagnosed with dyspraxia too but EX seems to think thats just me getting carried away with myself!

He constantly has the attitude that I exagerate DS behaviour.....in reality he doesnt know the half of it and certainly does not know his son anymore.

NoahsPennilessMummy

Can I just pick peoples brains about how much one to One their child gets at school?

DS is statemented and LEA give him 10 measly hours a week and after a fight school gave him 5 hours too.....so he has 1 to 1 from 9 to 12 each day.

He is really struggling apparently in the after noons with no 1 to 1.

I did say that would happen when they said 15 hours help but of course I am only his mum and know nowt!

DS needs a lot of help (eg he gets high rate care DLA).

i dont understand where LEA get these decisions from on how many hours they offer? If my son needs help in the morning why on earth do they think he will be ok in the afternoon?:mad: He has autism 24 hours a day, it doesnt go away!!
Sorry to rant but it is just annoying me.

I have Annual Review meeting next week so was just wondering what others have got/been offered

ta
x

Sarahsaver

In our LEA if a child has a 'full statement' they should get 25 hours. AFAIK.

mandy.h_2

my son got 4 hours a week for ist year (yr7)then was magically doing so well according to school did not need it in second yr8 and it was withdraw he became terrible in this period always in trouble not coping self harming again hence for year 9 he now has one to one in most lessons and teachers are still complaining they need more help

on the thing about running in families the more i learn about aspergers the more i think my other half needs diagnosing they are like two peas in a pod

does any one have any advice to help a stressed out 16yr old doing gcse in two weeks cope with her darling brother she thinks i am always defending him and he is not as bad as i say

Sarahsaver

have you tried meditation/relaxation tapes with her? I used to do this with my students when I was a teacher. It is hard for the siblings to understand.