Aspergers/ASD support thread

melancholly

ah, but which studentphil do you mean....? there are several!

anyway, i'm giving up and going to bed before this entire thread goes on about his self pity (and for anyone relatively new, he has been doing this for 2 years ish, ignores all advice and won't get any help - so most people think he's a troll winding us all up)

seven-day-weekend

Actually, in a way I agree with StudentPhil.

Society DOES look upon Aspies and/or disabled people as targets/victims.

Why else do our Aspie lads get bullied ? Which most of us have mentioned.

We have to deal with life as it is, not as how we would like it to be.

(Although I too think Aspergers is 'thinking differently', most people can't be !!!!!d to accept the difference).

Let's be realistic here.

studentphil

MyUserNamesTaken wrote: »

PN, the thing about SP is that he is quite possibly an Aspie himself. So, when he talks about people with ASDs feeling unworthy of the love and affection of those NT folks out there, he is actually projecting and speaking about himself.

(Would explain his insensitivity, too.. I'm an Aspie and I have more sensitivity in my little finger than he has in his entire body. :cool: )

It is to do with that all your life from school, to family, to going out with people you are pressed to be this normal that everyone else is and you can never achieve.

MyUserNamesTaken

studentphil wrote: »

I can see that, and I accept aspies marrying each other might suit a lot of people as they understand each other. I don't know if a person can ever feel worthy of a non- disabled partner if they are disabled.

Phil, I would say that you could apply your comment to most NT people out there, too...not just those on the autistic spectrum. What you've said is not consistent with what goes on in the real world of autism. In fact, many people with Asperger's can't find a partner because no-one matches up to their high ideals...they are very rigid, remember. It's not a case of them not being worthy - rather, it's the other way around (in their eyes).

On a personal level, I am worthy. I am not defined by my gender or my autism. I am me...these things (gender, autism, etc) are aspects of the whole. They are all parts and all play a role in creating what is essentially a complete person. You go on to say in a later post that society bullies people who are different. Society doesn't bully people - people bully people. Society can't make you feel worthless. People make you feel worthless. Even then, they can only do that if you give a !!!! about their opinions. I don't give a !!!!, thus I am not bullied. Maybe you need to grow some balls. If you feel bullied, it's down to you to rectify the situation. You are in control of how you feel, Phil. Change the way you view things and you won't feel bullied anymore.

MyUserNamesTaken

studentphil wrote: »

It is to do with that all your life from school, to family, to going out with people you are pressed to be this normal that everyone else is and you can never achieve.

You can only be pressed if you allow people the power to press you. Still comes down to being your responsibility, Phil. If you were a child, I'd say differently, but you're not. You are an adult and now it's your responsibility to take control of your life. Sort it out. Stop wallowing in self-pity. It won't get you anywhere.

PasturesNew

My online friends have started tricking me since they found out. They were brought up in a generation that was aware of it.

Chatting away the other day and one said goodbye to me as if I was leaving. It made me sit and think for a minute, then he posted "ha ha - bet that confused you, bet you nearly left" ... and he was right.

The rotter. He must owe me 2 beers for that one.

MyUserNamesTaken

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Actually, in a way I agree with StudentPhil.

Society DOES look upon Aspies and/or disabled people as targets/victims.

Why else do our Aspie lads get bullied ? Which most of us have mentioned.

We have to deal with life as it is, not as how we would like it to be.

(Although I too think Aspergers is 'thinking differently', most people can't be !!!!!d to accept the difference).

Let's be realistic here.

Seven, it's not just aspies who get bullied. In school, that's all to do with peer pressure/conforming, etc.... If you're fat, you get picked on. If you're poor, you get picked on. If you are spotty, you get picked on. If you are smart, you get picked on....kids are kids. In their world, when growing up, they try to fit in by not being the one to stand out. In order to make sure they aren't the one to stand out, they make someone stand out even more. Fortunately, most kids grow out of this later on...

When I talk to people, they seem quite amazed at my attitude and what they say is confidence. It's not confidence. It's more a couldn't give a !!!! attitude. It's something I've come to acquire over time. Trying to fit in didn't work. Can't fit a square peg into a round hole. Not only that, not being true to myself was incredibly depressing and soul-destroying. Now I'm me and those who don't like it can !!!! off. It works, strangely enough. I have friends. They know what I am like and accept me for who I am. I have a partner....and I am loved. As children, we don't have much of a choice as to whether we're victims or not. In adulthood, it becomes our responsibility not to be victims. To me, being a victim is a state of mind. It's all about how you look at things. If people have a problem with how I am, that's their problem. I am not asking them to have anything to do with me.

studentphil

I think though maybe it is possible that many people look for a validation in people we could never like and nor would we ever really want to be. I always found to vaildation from people like teachers was important, but really I could never be like them and thus their ideal of smooth talker and great at verbal expression.

MyUserNamesTaken

Again, who is putting pressure on you, Phil? Not those teachers...


You care far too much about what other people think. The only person you need to find validation from is you. Now stop the self-pity and let the thread get back on topic. I, for one, will not be responding to you anymore, as you seem to be enjoying the wallowing and self-loathing you are exhibiting.

There's truth in the saying: The more I know people, the more I like my dog.

Savvy_Sue

studentphil wrote: »

The information is, don't turn out a self hating person like me, don't let society make you end up thinking you are unworthy.

Thank you for your insight Phil. Now, until you have something else helpful to say, please go away. Because while there are some parallels between the struggle you feel you've had to get your university education and the experience of parents of children on the A Spectrum, I wouldn't presume to go onto a thread discussing eg "the difficulty of getting up stairs when you have only one leg" and offer my helpful insights. And as I don't usually bully you, please listen to me.

Heck, I hope I even post my experience as a parent of a mild Aspie with diffidence rather than dogma, because the only thing I'm sure of is that what's worked for me won't work for all of you, and I am VERY conscious that we've had an easy journey compared to many of you.