Aspergers/ASD support thread

PasturesNew

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

And will I be shot down in flames if I say that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be? don't get me wrong, I love DH and wouldn't be without him, but we sometimes tend to think that if only we could find the right person, all our troubles would be solved. And they're not. We just have a pile of different troubles, because we're still the same person.

DH firmly believes (and there's no point me arguing with him) that you shouldn't marry unless you're quite happy being single. You can't make another person happy until you can be happy with yourself, and you can't expect another person to make you happy until you're happy with yourself. [Phil you might want to take note of that bit ...]

I'd just like somebody to take the mickey out of me, to laugh with, share stuff with, go out places with - and most of all remember things with. There's not much joy doing stuff if there was nobody there that you can say to later "oh, remember that ...."

And then there's the financial benefit of shared bills!

It's darned expensive living alone, but I can't live with other people. I even find it hard living with neighbours. Every noise made I have to investigate. Already been outside tonight as I heard noises out there from passers by. It would just be nice to feel I could delegate worrying to somebody else. And of course they'd not worry about those things, so it'd all be sorted

Living with others is awkward because of my sleep patterns. I have to silently creep about in the dark to pop outside for a cigarette. In my own home I move silently and in the dark to do that, but without the feelings of guilt about creeping about.

Zziggi

MyUserNamesTaken wrote: »

You know, Tony Attwood and his team are working on a new way to diagnose Aspie girls, as AS tends to have a different impact on girls than it does on boys. Girls are far less likely to get a diagnosis, as their behaviour is normally put down to "being a tom-boy", etc, etc. It was widely assumed that AS in females was extremely rare. Turns out that it was an incorrect assumption. AS is far less frequent in females than in males, but is also far less likely to be picked up in females. In other words, there are a lot of girls and women out there who are Aspies, but haven't been diagnosed due to their aspieness exhibiting itself differently.

You know that is something I have been told too. I queried the clinical psychologist when she rang with an appointment for DD (we are already in contact with her due to DS) as i thought it was rare in girls and didn't see why DD needed assessing. She said that it was her opinion that many more girls do have ASD type symptoms but that they don't get a diagnosis because their ASD behaviours that they exhibit are different and don't fit the diagnosis criteria. Therefore it is not true that more boys have ASD than girls, it is more a case that the current diagnosis criteria that clinical psychologists have to use is skewed/gender biased.

MyUserNamesTaken

studentphil wrote: »

I just can't see how a couple where both don't do eye contact or are weak at chit chat and so on could ever get friendly.

I managed it...twice, in fact.

Strapped

Interesting to read about the personality types on this thread. I was assessed through work a few years ago and came out as an INTJ too.

In the results booklet I got, it said that "INTJs are independent, individulaistic, single-minded and determined individuals who trust their vision of possibilities regardless of universal scepticism."

The general suggestions for development for INTJs were:

- May need to solicit feedback and suggestions
- May need to learn how to appreciate others
- May need to focus more on the impact of their ideas on people
- May need to learn when to give up an impractical idea

(Interesting that a lot of Aspies are INTJs & the last two above would seem to be linked to a possible lack of empathy / tendency toward obession).

The "Mastermind" link posted earlier in the thread made me smile:

"To the Mastermind, organizational structure and operational procedures are never arbitrary, never set in concrete, but are quite malleable and can be changed, improved, streamlined. In their drive for efficient action, Masterminds are the most open-minded of all the types. No idea is too far-fetched to be entertained-if it is useful. Masterminds are natural brainstormers, always open to new concepts and, in fact, aggressively seeking them. They are also alert to the consequences of applying new ideas or positions."

....ha, guess what I do for a living? Business modelling, and re-designing processes. Well, at least I know I'm in the right job

quietheart

Phew I'm just back from my meeting with the school and CAMHS. I was really nervous about it but it went well.
School only see half the picture, ds keeps it all in at school and explodes when he gets home but they are seeing that he has processing difficulties and though he's bright he is unable to get that down on paper. We've come up with some mentoring ideas, a dsylexia assessment and some friendship suggestions that I'd like to get on with. Just so relieved that school acknowledge there's more to this than meets the eye.
His teacher finished the meeting by listing all the positive things about J which was great after discussing all the problems.
Will need to make sure now that all the points discussed are followed through.
It's so good to come away feeling positive.

blue_monkey_2

That is great news Rovers, thanks for keeping us updated. sounds like everything is going well for you all.

studentphil

sarah1975uk wrote: »

Its not always about confident trendy women, relationships have a spark and work for many reasons. Personally yes id love a sexy young rich handsome fit fella but reality is that majority of these types of people are so far up their own !!!!!! and arrogant that not worth my time or efforts. Attraction to another person where its a lasting happy relationship works for different reasons and everyone in life has their own qualities and reasons for falling in love for. Im married and love my DH to bits we have our bad times and good times but i wouldnt swap him mmmmm lol Seriously though life is tough for everyone at times and we deserve that special someone to share it all with...... Hope you get what i mean and havent come accross wrong lol xx

I can see that, and I accept aspies marrying each other might suit a lot of people as they understand each other. I don't know if a person can ever feel worthy of a non- disabled partner if they are disabled.

PasturesNew

studentphil wrote: »

I can see that, and I accept aspies marrying each other might suit a lot of people as they understand each other. I don't know if a person can ever feel worthy of a non- disabled partner if they are disabled.

????
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Aspergers is not disabled. It is different!!!

OK?

studentphil

PasturesNew wrote: »

????
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Aspergers is not disabled. It is different!!!

OK?

fair enough a difference, but I still think its the same that to be different and thus not equal and attractive to someone who isn't different is tough.

melancholly

PasturesNew wrote: »

????
????
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Aspergers is not disabled. It is different!!!

OK?

step away from the computer - ignore the deliberately provocative post...... there is no other way to deal with studentphil (except for finding a brick wall to bang your head against, which i find preferable to engaging in any more pointless debates). although he usually manages to be daft without being quite so insensitive! i can only go by past experience, but nothing you say will make a real difference (depends on who has the login today i guess!)... there will be 'yes you're right' post, followed by more drivel! save the thread for support - his hijacking of other threads on a variety of topics is irritating, but on here it would be shocking!