Do I help partner out of debt?

enthusiasticsaver

I would have to say stick to your guns too and don't' use your savings. You aren't married and he could walk away at any time leaving you with no savings. Is he in debt due to uncontrolled spending or has he been made redundant/ill? Is he contributing to your household spending or is he claiming he cant afford to because of the debt?


I would sit down and go through his budget. Plenty of people on here though have helped out a partner/family member or friend and lived to regret it. How long did it take you to accumulate those savings?

Zero_Sum

Kentish_Dave wrote: »

I’m going to go against the grain here.

Is this someone who you expect to be your life partner, someone you plan to grow old with, or just a casual fling? I can’t imagine moving the latter in with you and your children, so will assume the former.

I’d give my wife my kidney if she needed it. In fact I’d give her both of them if it would save her life. To love someone enough to want to spend a lifetime together means being willing to make real sacrifices. As your children will likely never, ever need to money I’d look at everything as being family assets and family debts.

I wonder now, though, if I’m being naive about what stage in a relationship people now move partners in...

The kids could well need money for house deposit, help with Uni etc

The thing that you overlook is that if those are historic debts (ie before they met) he needs to take some ownership & personal responsibility. If he gets them paid off, theres a good chance lessons wont have been learned. Then just end up in debt again.

One of my friends was in a similar situation (in that wife didnt know when to stop spending to the point of just refusing to) and it cost them their marriage

Yet_More_Puddylove

If you see a friend drowning, and you are in the rescue boat, you don't jump in the water with them.

TheShape

Chunkeemonkey wrote: »

Due to his debts we are struggling....

Might be worth explaining why this is?

Are you already contributing towards the debt repayment or does he have a lack of income to contribute to the household due to high debt repayments?

Are you claiming any/all benefits you are entitled to?

AnotherJoe

Due to his debts we are struggling....

Originally posted by Chunkeemonkey ” Might be worth explaining why this is?

Are you already contributing towards the debt repayment or does he have a lack of income to contribute to the household due to high debt repayments?

Are you claiming any/all benefits you are entitled to?

Very good point. Why are you struggling? Presumably you weren't struggling before he moved in (since you said the struggle is due to his debts) so in what way are his debts making you struggle?

MovingForwards

bertiewhite wrote: »

How do you know this figure? Or am I missing something?

I was giving an example!

gingercordial

Absolutely not. At minimum not unless you got married. If it's too soon to get married, it's too soon for you to sacrifice your savings for his debts. If he doesn't want to get married, he is obviously not showing the same level of commitment that you would be by paying off his debts. (I appreciate marriage isn't the be all and end all, but if you wouldn't consider it at this point in time you shouldn't be thinking about the debt issue either.)

You have kids and your first priority should be for their security, not his.

Chunkeemonkey wrote: »

Hi I really need some advice please. My partner moved in with me this year, bringing a lot of debts with him, mainly credit cards. I have some savings that I’ve put aside for my kids in case anything should happen to me. Due to his debts we are struggling and I think he’s expecting me to pay off his credit cards with my savings, I don’t want too as I don’t see why I should spend my hard earned savings on his debts. He thinks what’s mine is yours etc. Am I being selfish and should I pay them ? Or should I stick to my guns?

If he is actually expecting this to happen that's a very bad sign of an entitled, controlling "partner". Be careful and stick to your guns.

kazwookie

No no no stick to your guns

But

Offer to sort out why he is in debt / budget his money / etc if this fails show him the door.

ooogemaflip

Get him on an IVA or similar

sjb76

As someone that was once in the opposite position, I would never ask that of someone and I think it's outrageous that he might expect it.

The best thing you can do is talk, get the debts in the open then find a way to tackle them (that doesn't depend on your money). There are plenty of places for such information. Good luck.