Do I help partner out of debt?

Chunkeemonkey

Hi I really need some advice please. My partner moved in with me this year, bringing a lot of debts with him, mainly credit cards. I have some savings that I’ve put aside for my kids in case anything should happen to me. Due to his debts we are struggling and I think he’s expecting me to pay off his credit cards with my savings, I don’t want too as I don’t see why I should spend my hard earned savings on his debts. He thinks what’s mine is yours etc. Am I being selfish and should I pay them ? Or should I stick to my guns?

El_Torro

Up to you, it's your relationship. However I think your current thinking is on the right track.

One important thing to consider: If you pay his debts off for him, without him working hard to pay them off himself, what's to stop him getting into even more debt in the not too distant future?

Westertonbilly

Considered a Trust Deed or English equivalent?

xylophone

He thinks what’s mine is yours etc.

As in "my debts are yours"?

It is not fair to expect you to use money saved by you for your children/emergencies to meet these debts.

Encourage him to get debt advice and stick rigidly to a budget.

232607

No you’re not being selfish so do stick to your guns.
You could offer practical advise. ie sit down with him & work out a budget plan to repay the debts.

MovingForwards

Sorry, but no.
It's one thing being a couple of grand, but you have £10k in the bank for you / emergency money.

It's another thing it being 'loads' and being expected to use money earmarked for your kids.

Was it raised before he moved in? Or was it brushed aside by either of you?

Kim_kim

Chunkeemonkey wrote: »

Or should I stick to my guns?

Absolutely you should!
He’s got a nerve expecting you too.
I’d be considering my position in having a relationship with a free loader.

DrSyn

Stick to your guns.

Why should you and your kids suffer due to his spending habits?

How can you be sure he will not run up more debt if you pay any of it off?

What if you two part company after 2 months?

The fact he expects you to help says a load for his character.

Remember this:-
If someone else has run up the debt, you'll be responsible for paying it if your name is on the agreement - for example if they have a second card for your account.


There might be something useful in the info below:-

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/borrowing-money/credit-cards/if-youre-struggling-with-credit-card-debt/

AnotherJoe

Chunkeemonkey wrote: »

Hi I really need some advice please. My partner moved in with me this year, bringing a lot of debts with him, mainly credit cards. I have some savings that I’ve put aside for my kids in case anything should happen to me. Due to his debts we are struggling and I think he’s expecting me to pay off his credit cards with my savings, I don’t want too as I don’t see why I should spend my hard earned savings on his debts. He thinks what’s mine is yours etc. Am I being selfish and should I pay them ? Or should I stick to my guns?

I think neither, I say you should kick him out.
Not because he's got debts, but because (from what you've written) of his sense of entitlement that you should be paying them off.

Alexland

Work together to clear the debts but don't use the money earmarked for the children unless there really are no further options to explore.

Aretnap

Chunkeemonkey wrote: »

He thinks what’s mine is yours etc.

As in what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine? Or as in my debts are yours and your savings are mine?

I shouldn't really be flippant but it's easy to say what's mine is yours when you're the one who has nothing. And we should all be wary of judging your relationship based on one short paragraph of information. But before I even thought about paying off his debts I would want to be confident that the relationship was going to last, that he wasn't just going to run up more debts in future, and that his attitude wasn't part of a broader sense of entitlement which was going to bring more problems further down the line. You are in a better position to know the answers to these questions than we are... but try to look at it as objectively as possible.