New Life Pending.....

ohdearhowdidthathappen

I think sometimes schools are too quick to label children that have different characters. It's a bit suspicious that their timing links with you querying bullying, are they dismissing your concerns?

Iwantanewlife

I wouldn't say dismissing, but they are now solely focused on this new issue. The boys my son said were not kind to him are in year 6, which has been an ongoing issue as he seems to always want to hang around with older children and i think they forget that hes only in year 2.

As i said before, i am aware that my son is a live wire, hes always been full of life, mega sociable, you know the sort of kid that if there is an opportunity to be up the front presenting he will be there! and like i said he is literally top for all of his classes, (4 grades higher than the entire rest of his class for example). My son is also really tall like me, and looks like hes about 11, ive always had issues with people thinking he is older than what he is and so expecting more from him.

I know some people find an outgoing kid harder to manage then a timid one that just does exactly what hes told, and doesnt have much for to say for himself. Ive always tried to teach my son to make sure he doesnt come across as arrogant or rude (manners are really important to me). To be honest, i have always loved and admired his confidence.

Obviously if they have concerns then im happy to investigate, whatever is best for him, but do i really want him labelled just for being confident and not quite having the emotional intelligence yet to regulate it? no not really! Its now making me doubt myself and everything ive always thought in terms of maybe there is an issue and i just havnt seen it ! But honestly, i can take the boy anywhere and hes an absolute delight, I just dont know what to do and it makes me feel really sad and really protective of him that someone is even thinking that. Maybe thats my own stuff, oh i dont know!

enthusiasticsaver

Sadly kids that don't fit the usual mould are often targeted by bullies but you are doing the right thing by bringing it to the schools attention. I would not have them sidetrack this issue by focusing on this entirely separate issue of their concerns (such as they are). Ask to see the bullying policy. They should have one.

Re the other issue are they saying he is disruptive? Do you think he is bored? I am wary of teachers labelling kids ADHD before exploring other options. Sometimes it may be there is a large span of abilities in classes and those that are bright are sometimes not engaged due to boredom as the teacher is taken up by those struggling. Must be difficult for the teachers too though unless they have lots of TA help.

Drawingaline

While I agree labels can be thrown about a bit too soon, I think it's important to listen to the school. They are seeing a side to him and are concerned. Now rater than racing down a diagnosis route maybe a meeting is needed to discuss how he can get this excess energy out in the school day. Maybe extra 'fidget breaks', an extra worksheet if he finishes his work before others, maybe he can be allowed to read if he has spare time.

As a mother of a very disruptive child who is incredibly bright and an absolute delight 80% of the time (the other 20 he is the devil incarnate) I can tell you having the school in your corner is tee most important thing ever. Don't dismiss the concerns they have, but on the other hand don't be rushed into pursuing a diagnosis if you feel there isn't one to find. Work with them, keep close contact (monthly meetings, weekly progress reports etc) and tell them you will revisit the possibility of a diagnosis in 6months/a year? Little children (especially boys, I don't like to generalise but I do think gender differences are apparent at this age with regard to learning behaviour and ability to concentrate) need time outside, and to learn in short bursts, so do follow up how they accommodate the need to move.

And do follow up the possible bullying issue, making clear that it is a seperate issue, and no matter how it has come about it is never OK for year six children to be picking on a yr2.

Moneywhizz

It is strange that this has never been suggested to you before. They may say that it is because he is older now and school is more formal that it has become more noticeable. However if this is the first time they have ever raised concerns about your son's behaviour it does seem very odd.
I know we, as parents see the best in our children, but your description of your son does not sound like a child with ADHD. Most parents of children with ADHD would say it is difficult taking them out and about into different social situations.
It sounds like your son is extremely bright which can cause problems in school if he becomes bored with the work he is given. It is hard for teachers to cater for so many different abilities within a class but it really is up to the school to find ways of keeping your son interested and challenged by the work.
Have you spoken to your son about how he feels about school? Is he happy generally, does he have friends, does he enjoy school work? Has anything changed for him recently?
One of the ways of diagnosing ADHD is the impact that it has on a child in different areas of his life. If there is no sign of it at home, and you have no worries about him, then it is up to the school to find ways of dealing with any problem that arises only in school. Then it is time for the school to look at what could be causing the problem. You certainly don't have to allow your child to be labelled as ADHD if you honestly don't think there is a problem.

Iwantanewlife

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Sadly kids that don't fit the usual mould are often targeted by bullies but you are doing the right thing by bringing it to the schools attention. I would not have them sidetrack this issue by focusing on this entirely separate issue of their concerns (such as they are). Ask to see the bullying policy. They should have one.

Re the other issue are they saying he is disruptive? Do you think he is bored? I am wary of teachers labelling kids ADHD before exploring other options. Sometimes it may be there is a large span of abilities in classes and those that are bright are sometimes not engaged due to boredom as the teacher is taken up by those struggling. Must be difficult for the teachers too though unless they have lots of TA help.

This is exactly what my mum says, she said my brother was exactly the same. Got bored, and so didnt pay attention and wanted to be on to the next thing. My son has always been advanced for his age, talking early, walking at 10 months, potty trained early etc. However, he is really talented at football, has already been scouted and plays for a league team now. Last night i took him to training, and because maybe im now a bit more focused on his attention span, i did notice, that he kept drifting off when they were trying to give instructions. But again, its at the times when they are doing something he doesn't like doing, so who knows!
I just dont want him labelled without any assessments etc. I am interested to see how after 4 years, and never being told any concerns from the school, how they have come to this conclusion and what written assessments they have been doing to support it!

Iwantanewlife

Drawingaline wrote: »

While I agree labels can be thrown about a bit too soon, I think it's important to listen to the school. They are seeing a side to him and are concerned. Now rater than racing down a diagnosis route maybe a meeting is needed to discuss how he can get this excess energy out in the school day. Maybe extra 'fidget breaks', an extra worksheet if he finishes his work before others, maybe he can be allowed to read if he has spare time.

As a mother of a very disruptive child who is incredibly bright and an absolute delight 80% of the time (the other 20 he is the devil incarnate) I can tell you having the school in your corner is tee most important thing ever. Don't dismiss the concerns they have, but on the other hand don't be rushed into pursuing a diagnosis if you feel there isn't one to find. Work with them, keep close contact (monthly meetings, weekly progress reports etc) and tell them you will revisit the possibility of a diagnosis in 6months/a year? Little children (especially boys, I don't like to generalise but I do think gender differences are apparent at this age with regard to learning behaviour and ability to concentrate) need time outside, and to learn in short bursts, so do follow up how they accommodate the need to move.

And do follow up the possible bullying issue, making clear that it is a seperate issue, and no matter how it has come about it is never OK for year six children to be picking on a yr2.

Thank you, its nice to hear from someone who is a parent to a little one that sounds very similar. I am 100% going to work with the school and explore what they need to explore, I just want to do whats best for my son and his future. I think all im finding difficult is that although ive always known he can be hard work, i didnt realise it could actually be an underlying issue. I suppose its come as a shock, maybe that sounds stupid and a contradiction but its the only way i can think to describe it! Does your son have ADHD, or does he just have his moments?

Iwantanewlife

Moneywhizz wrote: »

It is strange that this has never been suggested to you before. They may say that it is because he is older now and school is more formal that it has become more noticeable. However if this is the first time they have ever raised concerns about your son's behaviour it does seem very odd.
I know we, as parents see the best in our children, but your description of your son does not sound like a child with ADHD. Most parents of children with ADHD would say it is difficult taking them out and about into different social situations.
It sounds like your son is extremely bright which can cause problems in school if he becomes bored with the work he is given. It is hard for teachers to cater for so many different abilities within a class but it really is up to the school to find ways of keeping your son interested and challenged by the work.
Have you spoken to your son about how he feels about school? Is he happy generally, does he have friends, does he enjoy school work? Has anything changed for him recently?
One of the ways of diagnosing ADHD is the impact that it has on a child in different areas of his life. If there is no sign of it at home, and you have no worries about him, then it is up to the school to find ways of dealing with any problem that arises only in school. Then it is time for the school to look at what could be causing the problem. You certainly don't have to allow your child to be labelled as ADHD if you honestly don't think there is a problem.

Thanks MoneyWhizz. The only way i can describe it is, that im not blind to him being hard work at points, but ive always just thought that was him and ive never noticed him be any 'worse' than other kids. Social situations he is great, we have had the odd time that hes got a bit over excited, but surely thats kids isnt it and they dont all sit there doing nothing?!

The teacher said that now they do not have a full time TA, that they are having to send him out the class when/if he is disruptive. Although i know hes had 'warnings' at school, as he tells me, the school have not ever called me in about his behavior. The only issue ever brought up at parents evening has been that he shouts out sometimes and he needs to learn to wait his turn.

As for his life, he is extremely popular, always been one of the 'cool' kids, just because hes always been so confident other kids naturally flock to him. The downside of that, is he has a tendency to show off in front of his peers which obviously gets him in trouble. As with changes, the only thing i can think of is the family death we had a few months ago, but we talk regularly about that, and he seems fine. Also his personality has always been like this its no change from when he was a toddler.

I think my over riding thoughts are, i can see why the school might suggest it, but I didn't realise that it was anything other than normal 'boy' behavior. In fact ive always laughed at how he matches my personality as im extremely impatient with a short attention span too. I think this is were the shock has come from, that maybe its not normal and there is an issue, but because im so used to being with him I hadn't actually noticed. Does that make sense? sorry im rambling on, my thoughts are just spilling out onto a post without much thought of how im writing :rotfl:

Moneywhizz

It makes perfect sense and you have given a good description of your son that seems to suggest he is a very active boy who is managing his life well in different social situations. School seems to be the place where his behaviour is most difficult which could be because of the restrictions that are put on children to conform in the classroom. Of course it is necessary for there to be order and control in the class so that everyone can learn but for children who are very active this can really be a problem. I think that it is a bit quick to start talking about assessing him for ADHD without exploring other ways of dealing with this. As he is so bright it may be that he can be given strategies for controlling his behaviour and impulsiveness. I would also be questioning what happens to him when he is removed from the classroom? Someone must be supervising him which isn't a very productive way of dealing with the situation. There is no doubt that working with the school is the best thing that you can do but you need to be clear about your wishes and expectations and go to the meeting prepared to listen to their advice. I wouldn't agree to any testing until you have had a chance to research more and think things through. Your son sounds very bright and it could just be that he is not being challenged. If you are interested you should read a bit about how gifted children can be misdiagnosed with ADHD. For example here https://www.davidsongifted.org/search-database/entry/a10226

Iwantanewlife

Moneywhizz wrote: »

It makes perfect sense and you have given a good description of your son that seems to suggest he is a very active boy who is managing his life well in different social situations. School seems to be the place where his behaviour is most difficult which could be because of the restrictions that are put on children to conform in the classroom. Of course it is necessary for there to be order and control in the class so that everyone can learn but for children who are very active this can really be a problem. I think that it is a bit quick to start talking about assessing him for ADHD without exploring other ways of dealing with this. As he is so bright it may be that he can be given strategies for controlling his behaviour and impulsiveness. I would also be questioning what happens to him when he is removed from the classroom? Someone must be supervising him which isn't a very productive way of dealing with the situation. There is no doubt that working with the school is the best thing that you can do but you need to be clear about your wishes and expectations and go to the meeting prepared to listen to their advice. I wouldn't agree to any testing until you have had a chance to research more and think things through. Your son sounds very bright and it could just be that he is not being challenged. If you are interested you should read a bit about how gifted children can be misdiagnosed with ADHD. For example here https://www.davidsongifted.org/search-database/entry/a10226

Thank you MoneyWhizz, you are so right, and its nice to hear a similar opinion as my mums because it makes her look slightly less biased. I really needed that reassurance to try and address things calmly and properly with the school, rather than being a head full of emotion. At the end of the day, i think hes amazing and whatever he is or isnt hes perfect in my eyes and i will help and support him get where he wants to be. I will definitely read that link. Thank you again xx