New Life Pending.....

Kakiste

Oh btw- meant to say this the other day regarding your son. I am a teacher with 10 year experience in SEN/SEBD private schools mainly working with kids and teenagers with ADHD/ASD. From the way you describe him your son is very likely to have ADHD as he has the main hallmarks of it. 
However speaking as a specialist (and also as someone with a husband and daughter with ADHD) the kids who end up in schools like mine are the tiny minority of people with ADHD. The majority of people won't ever get to the stage where they need specialist schools or medication as they learn coping strategies during their later childhood. (in fact most adults won't even be aware that they have it- given that it wasn't a 'problem' they won't have had it diagnosed)
 
To further reassure you, the positives to ADHD (that tend to get forgotten in some of the media hysteria) are;

Incredibly charismatic- (usually described as lovable rogues) 

Very socially astute- usually have lots of friends and are popular and well liked by most. 

High level of information retention (will find it easier than the average person to learn new skills or information and then remember said information/skills) 

Fiercely loyal to family and friends.

Usually see themselves as social defenders and will be less likely than the average child to bully- and far more likely to stick up for kids being bullied. 

Incredibly ability to 'hyper focus' (rather than being distracted by everything as is the stereotype) kids and adults with ADHD will have insane levels of concentration and resolve when it comes to  subject or project that they love. 

Very driven. When they want something, they go for it; hammer and tongs and aren't easily dissuaded until they achieve their goals. 

Also as a final note; ADHD is believed to be genetic so it's very likely that one parent has it and given that you managed to completely change your mindset and smash out all your debt repayments in such a short time, it's pretty likely that it's you. (hopefully that should reassure you further- given that you're a high earner with good family and friend relationships) Hope this helps!

Iwantanewlife

Kakiste said:

Oh btw- meant to say this the other day regarding your son. I am a teacher with 10 year experience in SEN/SEBD private schools mainly working with kids and teenagers with ADHD/ASD. From the way you describe him your son is very likely to have ADHD as he has the main hallmarks of it. 
However speaking as a specialist (and also as someone with a husband and daughter with ADHD) the kids who end up in schools like mine are the tiny minority of people with ADHD. The majority of people won't ever get to the stage where they need specialist schools or medication as they learn coping strategies during their later childhood. (in fact most adults won't even be aware that they have it- given that it wasn't a 'problem' they won't have had it diagnosed)
 
To further reassure you, the positives to ADHD (that tend to get forgotten in some of the media hysteria) are;

Incredibly charismatic- (usually described as lovable rogues) 

Very socially astute- usually have lots of friends and are popular and well liked by most. 

High level of information retention (will find it easier than the average person to learn new skills or information and then remember said information/skills) 

Fiercely loyal to family and friends.

Usually see themselves as social defenders and will be less likely than the average child to bully- and far more likely to stick up for kids being bullied. 

Incredibly ability to 'hyper focus' (rather than being distracted by everything as is the stereotype) kids and adults with ADHD will have insane levels of concentration and resolve when it comes to  subject or project that they love. 

Very driven. When they want something, they go for it; hammer and tongs and aren't easily dissuaded until they achieve their goals. 

Also as a final note; ADHD is believed to be genetic so it's very likely that one parent has it and given that you managed to completely change your mindset and smash out all your debt repayments in such a short time, it's pretty likely that it's you. (hopefully that should reassure you further- given that you're a high earner with good family and friend relationships) Hope this helps!

Do you know how much I needed to hear this today? It’s been a really tough week with him. I’m re structuring the business which means meeting after meeting, lots of stressful and emotional decisions and lots of difficult conversations having to be had. Long term it’s good for me as I’ve now been offered a promotion, I have a meeting on Monday to discuss the proposal. However, for my son, it’s been really hard. My son is super active, and loves lots of attention and as it’s just me and him I just Havnt been able to give as much as he needs to be able to control his feelings better. This has meant full blown tantrums and aggression which is usually not him. 

Thank you so much for the insight. I think you are right and I think he does have it. I joined an parents support group and they said the same about a parent having it. I then researched and I am spot on with the ‘symptoms’. At work I’m described as having a ‘red’ personality, meaning that I am an extremely fast thinker, very direct, and very ‘all or nothing’. My attention span is shocking and always has been, although I consider myself to be intelligent, I was always described as non academic because I simply could not pay attention to one task for long enough. It’s the same in my adult life. Meetings have to have regular breaks, with multiple subjects, and it’s a real mission for me to make myself sit still and pay attention on the subject! 

Thank you for telling me about the good bits, as you are right, it is so doom and gloom and always shone as such a bad thing. You were spot on with describing him socially, he really is a social butterfly, you can take him anywhere without a worry! Also the information retention thing is funny, as I’ve not heard that before but his memory is amazing! The boy remembers stuff from when he was a young child that even I had forgotten! 

Thank you for taking the time to write all that, parenting is so hard, and your act of kindness has come at the best possible time for me xx 

Kakiste

Really pleased to hear it.  ADHD is completely my wheelhouse so I thought I'd be helpful. 

Congrats on your promotion btw!