New Life Pending.....

Iwantanewlife

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

You seem to be doing very well and had a complete mindset change which is great. Ignore the YOLO comments. Many are probably sitting on a pile of debt which will one day catch up with them.

I hear you on the juggling work, childcare, housework etc and I think there is no magic bullet answer. I had the luxury of working part time when my children were small but I was not a single parent so did not have sole responsibility. No need for guilt though. You are doing the best you can and providing for your son. Maybe split the housework over the week and have one day you can spend with your son over the weekend and do something like go to the park and play tennis if there are courts or a bike ride or if the budget allows, cinema or bowling or swimming etc. Games or movies at home with snacks are a good budget option or craft afternoons.

Thanks ES, you are definitely right about the yolo comments. I spoke to one of my friends yesterday, she doesn't work, her husbands income is ad hoc, and she told me she had a benefits payment of £500 odd last Friday and she has £33 left, all spent on clothes and house bits :eek: saw absolutely no issue with what she had done as she said she was bored and needed cheering up! She has zero savings, zero security and an extra two mouths to feed in her household, even confiding that she was in 3 weeks rent arrears! Made me so pleased to of had my LBM, it made me anxious just thinking about it!

Iwantanewlife

Oh i also forgot to tell you all! I have been offered a job interview for a very large company paying about £7k PA more than what i am on now, same benefits e.g car etc, but has much better prospects and progression. Interview is scheduled for the 11th, but it is a 3 part process with presentations to the board etc. I was head hunted by a specialist recruitment agent which always stands a better chance as they obviously think my skills match closely to the role, the down side is its always a really long process! However, gives me hope of getting out of this job!

[Deleted User]

My son has been in full time childcare 8-6 Monday to Friday since he was 9 months old as well so I know how you feel!
We have actually stopped all TV during the week as it just sucks any time that we could be spending together away, and this has really helped. Instead, he helps me cook dinner and we squeeze in a round of Uno where we can.
Or he plays with something/does some colouring in the kitchen while I cook and we can at least talk to each other or listen to some music together.
We also don't bathe him every night, more like once a week - too much bathing gives him eczema - but I also felt it took up half the evening anyway! He now just jumps in the shower with me in the morning a couple of times a week instead - doesn't really take any longer than just showering myself, but actually adds some evening time!

I read somewhere that children of working mothers are more successful in later life, so that's something to keep in mind too.

I think because our time with him is limited too, we appreciate it more that way and try and really make the time that we do have count.

And, being an only child up to now, it's actually really good for him to play with his mates in after school club too. Keeps him well socialised!

twiggy86

Wow - I haven't been around for a few days and you've cleared a debt and been headhunted!!!! Congratulations and well done on both fronts!!!

Drawingaline

Wow, good luck on the job front.

I always worked evenings, then when my smallest started school my husband was made redundant so I took up a part time day job too. By the time he found a new job (just over a year later!) the smallest was having such issues with school it was obvious I needed to be there after school. So dropped the evening job and now work 9-3. Its tough, I get in from school have to do housework and cook (big two help a bit) and then by the time my husband gets in, dinner, make packed lunches wash up etc it's 7pm! And atm I am busy evenings too, secondary school and college visits, school meetings about gcse's etc. It seems never ending. By the weekend we are fit to do nothing. I am attempting to get out walking more but its not working well.

enthusiasticsaver

Good luck with the job interview. That payrise would come in useful if it turns out you want it and they offer it to you. I hear you on the situation with your friend. It would make me very anxious to live like that too with no savings or security. Having a financial buffer and finances under control is so important. Some people do not see that until they are forced to though.

Moneywhizz

You have had some great ideas about how to make the most of the time you do have with your son. I think being organised is key to not wasting the time he is with you on things that can wait till another time. You obviously put him first in your life so try not to feel guilty. You are doing the best you can and providing a good life for him. Great news about the interview. Would be a great boost for you if you managed to get out of the job you dislike and into one that pays so much better. Good luck with the interview process.

girlatplay

I worked various full and part time work patterns from when Little Miss was 4 months old. The choice I had was work or benefits. It was a no brainier, especially when I took a year out and went to college to retrain then couldn't get a job as I had no experience. Had a very short time on benefits and I just couldn't make ends meet. That was the start of the fall to rock bottom. I still feel guilty about time I spent working but it was needs must, I got us out of the mess and we've had some great holidays laterally.

Great news on the job interview!

Iwantanewlife

I’m on my phone and will not allow me to reply individually to all your lovely messages, thank you so much for the reassurance. Mum guilt is terrible and I’m so glad I’m not alone with it!

On another note, boy is in bed after his late night last night, I’m currently sitting watching Martin Lewis on catch up trying to pick up even more tips! What the hell has happened to me?!!!! Haha I never thought I’d see the day!

Have a lovely evening everyone, early night for me! Xx

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Iwantanewlife wrote: »

I love these ideas, thank you.

At the moment my son is in childcare from 7.30am till about 5.30 each day, and its been this way since he was 6 months old. It means we literally have a couple of hours a day together, which is filled with cooking dinner, homework and baths. It eats me up with guilt every day, and always has, especially when i get the pity faces from the other mums. I honestly felt there was no other choice, it was either that or go onto benefits and go on the housing list. I think ive made the right choice, and its meant he has a nice life and has everything that his peers have. However, i am well aware that material things do not make up for the lack of time he has with me.

Im going to have a think about all these suggestions and think of something we can do each week/then a special something each month.

Thank you all xx

You've made the best of the circumstances you were given and you're instilling a work ethic into your child too, he'll see that you've worked hard to provide for him.
Ignore pity faces from other mums; a lot of stay at home mums worry about not working, full time workers worry about too much working, part timers worry about not giving enough time to either!
I find a lot (not all obviously) of mums fit the narrative to suit themselves, they've made their life choices and anyone who differs is doing it wrong. It's rare to find a mum who doesn't work at all... if you work evenings and weekends to avoid childcare, you're missing vital family time.... if you work school hours, you miss going to school plays, sports days etc....if you can afford not to work, you're not paying into your pension or maintaining your employability. No ideal solution