Interfering/overpowering boyfriends mum

LoisGriffin

Not sure it did need saying. The MSE route would be to never get married at all especially if you have a property/equity but we do because we love people and we want to build our lives with them.

I appreciate that getting married quickly isn’t for everyone. This point doesn’t need to be made again on this - a separate thread.

onwards&upwards

LoisGriffin wrote: »

Not sure it did need saying. The MSE route would be to never get married at all especially if you have a property/equity but we do because we love people and we want to build our lives with them.

I appreciate that getting married quickly isn’t for everyone. This point doesn’t need to be made again on this - a separate thread.

Wow, no it definitely wouldn’t!

The point does need to be made, you’ve told us your boyfriend has never had to learn how to live as an independent adult, you’d be mad to make any serious commitment until he’s done that.

liuhutOz

https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation

Have a look here - lots about interfering MILs

Pollycat

liuhutOz wrote: »

https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation

Have a look here - lots about interfering MILs

I have to say I think that's an odd link.

BabyCenter is the world's number one digital parenting resource, with content that reaches more than 100 million people monthly. In the United States, 7 in 10 new and expectant moms online use BabyCenter. Around the globe, BabyCenter content is available in nine different languages, and more than 50 million parents visit BabyCenter's 11 websites every month.
BabyCenter's editorial team creates award-winning content with input from an advisory board of doctors and other health professionals. Using information from experts as well as advice from new moms and dads, BabyCenter provides parents with support that's Remarkably Right® at every stage of pregnancy and child development. Products include websites, mobile apps, online communities, email series, social programs, and public health initiatives.
BabyCenter is also committed to improving maternal health globally, and our team works closely with nonprofits, NGOs, and governments to make motherhood safer for all women. Through the Mission Motherhood® campaign, BabyCenter content is delivered to moms in underserved areas and is available in 23 local languages.

There's some acronyms I've never heard of:
in the top post

MOO and I have not had a great relationship since I was 12/13. I often think she’s my BEC but I am not sure.

No idea what 'MOO' or 'BEC' means. :huh:

liuhutOz

Pollycat wrote: »

I have to say I think that's an odd link.



There's some acronyms I've never heard of:
in the top post

No idea what 'MOO' or 'BEC' means. :huh:

It is a forum where people discuss their interfering mother in laws - hardly odd

Pollycat

liuhutOz wrote: »

It is a forum where people discuss their interfering mother in laws - hardly odd

It appears to be a forum which is "the world's number one parenting resource".
Used by "7 in 10 new and expectant moms online."
It appears to be a forum which "provides parents with support that's Remarkably Right® at every stage of pregnancy and child development."

zagfles

ska_lover wrote: »

I see what you mean about the controlling partner thought, there

I just find it hard to understand that a mother would deliberately ruin her sons chances of having a partner and a life, away from mother. That makes me very sad if it were true.

I do think it is done out of love, but it is warped and misguided kind of love, trying to keep them safe from harm, when they need to fall down and get up themselves, they need to learn what real life is like. I think some people struggle to admit that their kids have grown up, and like you say they cant accept not being needed.

Maybe it has something to do with, not only the fact that the kids wont need them anymore so in most ways the mother role is redundant, but also that the mother has to face the fact that she is getting older herself too. That isnt nice for any of us to face, and may bring about thoughts of what have I done with my life, etc, so they cling on to the 'wanting to be needed' thing

ooo this is far to heavy for this time of night all this psychoanalysing haha

I am now wondering if OPs boyfriend is an only child.

I mean it IS hard when your kids grown up, I mean when mine went off to Uni, I went home and sat there thinking 'what now' - it is a period of reflection and self realisation, thinking of goals you want for yourself - and not purely revolving around your kids, like we do when they are little - and when kids grow up, bit by bit, some parents do not grow with them, as in realise they have moved on to the next stage now and dont need picking up every time they physically or metaphorically fall

I am not saying what the mother is doing is right in anyway or trying to justify her behaviour as it is very very wrong, but merely just rambling on my own thoughts of parenthood - I just think that some dont adjust and grow as their kids do

Anyway I am in proper ramble mode now as I am tired, thanks for reading if anyone got this far xxx

Yes, I think all parents find it hard to come to terms with their kids growing up and becoming independant adults, I sometimes cry when watching videos of our kids when they were young, almost grieving for the kids I no longer have as they are now grown adults.

But it's a fact of life, and the fact they are independant adults able to make their own way in the world is good, it's a job well done, that's what parents need to keep telling themselves rather than pathetically trying to cling onto the little child they no longer have using controlling and manipulative behaviour designed to make the son/daughter feel guilty for growing up.

It really is no different to way controlling partners operate. They try to make their partner feel useless, scared, that they aren't capable of independance, that they shouldn't have a life outside of the relationship, that everyone else is a threat. They try to justify it, to themselves mainly, by claiming their doing it out of love, to protect their partner from harm, to look after them. But they're doing it out of selfishness, because they're scared of losing their partner and they might find a better life elsewhere. It's exactly the same with controlling parents.

ska_lover

zagfles wrote: »

Yes, I think all parents find it hard to come to terms with their kids growing up and becoming independant adults, I sometimes cry when watching videos of our kids when they were young, almost grieving for the kids I no longer have as they are now grown adults.

But it's a fact of life, and the fact they are independant adults able to make their own way in the world is good, it's a job well done, that's what parents need to keep telling themselves rather than pathetically trying to cling onto the little child they no longer have using controlling and manipulative behaviour designed to make the son/daughter feel guilty for growing up.

It really is no different to way controlling partners operate. They try to make their partner feel useless, scared, that they aren't capable of independance, that they shouldn't have a life outside of the relationship, that everyone else is a threat. They try to justify it, to themselves mainly, by claiming their doing it out of love, to protect their partner from harm, to look after them. But they're doing it out of selfishness, because they're scared of losing their partner and they might find a better life elsewhere. It's exactly the same with controlling parents.

I see what you mean. After giving it some thought, I can see there may be some parents who are deliberately like this - the reasoning is beyond most parents comprehension isnt it

I know what you mean about looking at videos of your own kids when they are little, I am the same with photographs.

DrivingMissDaisy

I can see a new thread soon about heartbreak.

- His mom wants grandkids, you don't want kids, he says he's not fussed (Not fussed from someone who doesn't like confrontation means he's just saying what you want to hear)
- He's in his 20's
- You are 5 years older

This is only going to go one way.