Partner Borrowing Without Asking WWYD?

Mojisola

Man_From_Bath wrote: »

And to then make out this Gentleman has comitted some kind of crime is a joke

Not a crime but any parent who can look at their bank account and decide to spend money on a hobby that is there to buy food for the family needs to reassess their priorities.

ska_lover

Man_From_Bath wrote: »

Well i still think its a major obsession posting 30,000 times, and breaking it down to 7 posts per day for 12 years to me is a clear addiction.

There are many things people can do rather than sit on her. And to then make out this Gentleman has comitted some kind of crime is a joke,

Ill lend them £300 if it helps, they can pay back £30 per month for a year, job done.

There are many things to do, other than sit on here?

Yes you are right. Go and do them then, eh..

Pollycat

Man_From_Bath wrote: »

Well i still think its a major obsession posting 30,000 times, and breaking it down to 7 posts per day for 12 years to me is a clear addiction.

There are many things people can do rather than sit on her. And to then make out this Gentleman has comitted some kind of crime is a joke,

Ill lend them £300 if it helps, they can pay back £30 per month for a year, job done.

30k posts over 12 years is an addiction?
That's what you think.
That's your opinion.
Not shared by others.

I have not said 'this Gentleman' has committed a crime.
In fact, I don't think any poster has said that.

I do think he should have been honest with his partner.
That is my opinion and you are perfectly entitled to hold a different opinion.

You may think your offer is generous.
However, I can see that this is not just about the money.
It's an issue that needs to be resolved by talking and coming to an agreement.
Not by a financial sticking plaster offer from some random stranger on t'interweb

Poor_Single_lady

Some of these posts paint a really bleak picture of parenting. You don’t stop being alive just because you have a child. You still have interests and passions and needs. You are still a human. Not just a parent.

You are allowed to have hobby’s and a life still. You can’t just live your whole life for your children? That would be hideous.

Mojisola

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Some of these posts paint a really bleak picture of parenting. You don’t stop being alive just because you have a child. You still have interests and passions and needs. You are still a human. Not just a parent.

You are allowed to have hobby’s and a life still. You can’t just live your whole life for your children? That would be hideous.

That applies to both parents. If one is spending so much time on a hobby that the other has to do all the parenting, something is very unbalanced in the relationship.

Pollycat

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Some of these posts paint a really bleak picture of parenting. You don’t stop being alive just because you have a child. You still have interests and passions and needs. You are still a human. Not just a parent.

You are allowed to have hobby’s and a life still. You can’t just live your whole life for your children? That would be hideous.

I don't paint any picture of parenting.
I've commented on what I personally view (and you are totally at liberty to disagree) as one partner dipping into shared finances because they have spent their own unquestioned money.

The OP's partner does have a hobby.
I don't think the OP has tried to curtail that hobby.
She just doesn't want her partner to spend joint money earmarked for family stuff on his hobby.
And hide that spend - which he has done.

Sayschezza

Some really odd replies and I question whether some of you have actually read and understood what the OP has actually written in her opening post.

ska_lover

Sayschezza wrote: »

Some really odd replies and I question whether some of you have actually read and understood what the OP has actually written in her opening post.

Revisiting this thread, I was just thinking the same.

I am not going down that rabbit hole

ToxicWomble

Dad is probably feeling somewhat unloved, unwanted and surplus to the household following the birth of the little one and is using his hobby as a substitute.
Following a birth, everything suddenly becomes about mum and baby leaving the bloke feeling left out and isolated
Mum puts all her efforts (rightly so) and love into baby and without knowing it alienates hubby.
Can you honestly say your relationship now is exactly as it was before you got pregnant ?
If not how and have you tried to fix it ?
Fatherhood (as well as motherhood) is overwhelming yet men rarely get the same levels of support.
Did he take paternity/share your maternity ?
I suspect this is the main root of the issues, ignore the mo etc and tackle the root causes, it won’t get better without some serious effort on both sides.

Fire_Fox

TiredandSad wrote: »

His hobby is collectable card gaming, he goes out regularly which I'm very supportive of as I think it is good for both of us to have time with our friends. However because it is a deck builder game, he spends a lot of time at home building alternative decks, watching videos, and unfortunately buying new cards for it. I would never want him to stop participating in something he enjoys but I'm worried he is becoming obsessed with it to the detriment of everything else. I'd say he spends 1-2 hours a day on weekdays, a bit more on weekends plus an afternoon out on a Saturday to play.

TiredandSad wrote: »

Socajam, I am two-minded about his mental health as I see how much he struggles with a lot of things, but that being said I don't think it's any excuse for this. Disrespectful does sum it it, I almost feel a bit used, but I want to try and move forward proactively and hopefully rebuild my trust in him.
I'll be doing a full SOA, I've taken a day off work to do it in peace next week! We don't have cable etc, or even a TV license, we have Amazon prime which I get for free through my work's rewards scheme I suspect that the main issue is food shopping but I'll see what the figures bring up.

That is not a symptom of clinical depression, but it is a symptom of other disorders of mental health. Having a symptom =/= a diagnosis, but it does warrant investigation. Given he is blaming his poor mental wellbeing, he should be willing to seek further advice. Otherwise he is making excuses.

It is common to have more than one (often linked) disorders of mental health so don't let that scare you.

BTW research suggests that there are things that can be done as a family/ at home to help manage mental health issues.
Daily physical activity: especially in a group, outdoors or involving music. Does not have to be formal exercise. Healthy eating: especially oily fish (up to four times a week) and plenty of mineral-rich foods (eg. seeds, certain nuts, wholegrains, cocoa or low sugar dark chocolate! ).

HTH.