New me New start, Pania's positive Progress!

duchy

Um thanks Pania....I think

pania

it was definately a compliment duchy. great chatting to you. xx

pania

Right, just finished work til after chrimbo... YAAAAYYYY!!!! off for a glass of wine with the lovely hypno, see you all later!!!!

skintscotslass

Hi Pania, its a great feeling, isnt it? xx

In_Search_Of_Me

Great that you were able to chat & things like fatal accidents make you realise how precious life is...hpe you had a good natter with hypno!

pania

morning guys,

I need advice. very very very upset this morning adn this goes way beyond just a rant, I'm just not sure if i can live with him anymore. All i ever do and have ever done is be supportive towards my, I provide the "little things" in life like packed lunches and ironed shirts and the little gifts that make life good, as well as financial support and am very loving towards him as no matter how it may seem I do love him very much.
When we first got together I asked that the one thing he never ever did was lie to me. it turns out that he has... quite a few times. I looked at 1 page of his bank statement this morning as I've been asking for ages for a breakdown of the household bills which he has for whatever reason seemed reluctant to give me, not the whole statement of 5 pages you understand, the one page with the bills on.
It turns out that when he took his loan out 4 months ago, He told me that he had paid off the HSBC loan that he had that was costing £95 pm. I questioned him about this at the time as he seemed very vague about it all. He was adamant on numerous occasions it had been done and even accused me of doubting him. Turns out he hasn't paid it off which is why he is struggling each month.
He has this morning admitted that aside from paying off the car he spent the remaining £1000 on drink and workshop models. Why oh why oh why could he not just be honest with me. Also last night he told me that his christmas doo was for employees only, until i dropped him off and saw 3 couples entering the venue together. yes they were all wives but guess what, they worked at the same place!! another lie.
Both of these things together are little things, it is the fact that I have been lied to that is hurting so much right now. Even last month he lied to me about bank charges to cover this amount up and at other time si have realised over the last few months. My ex lied to me constantly, it became like a game to work out what was actually the truth in what he was saying to me. It became so I couldn't trust him at all. I don't want to be back there again, I don't deserve to be lied to when all i ever do is give him my love and support in return. I feel like things have gone to far now and asthough i need to look after myself for a while. Theres me trying ot be all positive and believe that i can get through this debt and all of this is bringing me down which i DON'T want!!
What would you guys do?
Sorry for asking.
P
xxx

pania

PS, got to head into town christmas shopping but i'll be back later, very lacking in christmas cheer right now!

Karmacat

Pania I'm so sorry this is happening for you. It must feel impossible to be positive when you find out about long term lies like that - I mean, its one thing to lie about having made a phone call or something, so he can sit down and watch a match on tv, but lying over and over again is completely different. You're in a tough situation, and I really sympathise. A non-answer in answer to your question at the end of your post, what would you guys do: I'm not sure its gonna help you to know, not about something this big.

Sending hugs and good vibes your way.

benbenandme

Oh P, wish I could say something to make it better but I can't, so am sending big hugs instead

My ex lied to me too and I agree it is the worst thing of all, the absolute lack of respect for you that makes it so easy for them to lie. My ex also started lying about money, he took out a £3k loan to pay off his brothers debts and told him he didnt need to pay it back :eek: he also became secretive and I became very suspicious all the time which is a horrible way to live. I then found out 6 months later he was seeing someone else and when I confronted him he denied it but said he was leaving anyway as he hadn't loved me for about 3 years, and he moved in with her 4 days later :mad: He said he would have left sooner but waited till ds was big enough to cope with it (ds was less than 2 years old when he left :mad: :mad: )

Anyway, thats not gonna help you much, but I know how you feel about the lies. If it was just about the money I'd say maybe hes finding it difficult admitting to it all, hasn't has his lightbulb moment yet and especially as you are doing so well with financial stuff maybe he feels hes let you down?? However, if hes lying about other stuff too (like his works do) then that more worrying. I hope you are okay and do look after yourself. We all love you loads xxxx

hypno06

((((hugs)))) P. I have sent you a text. You know where I am xx