Wills and stepkids etc

help50

BBH123 wrote: »

How do your blood kids feel about sharing their inheritance with stepkids whose mother bought nothing financial to the relationship ?

I don't know. Some would say its all equal across all 5 never mind any history. That is the crux of my question!

help50

bouicca21 wrote: »

Going back over this, you say you scarcely know the older stepchild. Does this mean your wife also has a distant relationship too?

no, close mother/son, grown up now, see each other every 2-3 yrs.

[Deleted User]

help50 wrote: »

I don't know. Some would say its all equal across all 5 never mind any history. That is the crux of my question!

Personally I don't agree that all children should be getting equal sums,


Your blood children are yours for life, step children can often be part of your life for a limited time.


Personally I would make a cash gift to a stepchild dependant on how long they have been in your life and assuming they still are at your demise but any assets / property should go to blood children IMO, assuming they aren't criminals or estranged.


So for me


Estate to blood children and wife
Bequeaths to step children and / or future grandchildren.

seven-day-weekend

Make the house ownership tenants-in-common, 60/40 split. Then you can each leave your share to your own children, in trust, so that the survivor of you can live in the house as long as they wish, and can't be forced out by their stepchildren. Then the other children inherit their share on the second death. Then they sell it and split it. They all get 20%. Job done.

System

BBH123 wrote: »

Personally I don't agree that all children should be getting equal sums,


Your blood children are yours for life, step children can often be part of your life for a limited time.


Personally I would make a cash gift to a stepchild dependant on how long they have been in your life and assuming they still are at your demise but any assets / property should go to blood children IMO, assuming they aren't criminals or estranged.


So for me


Estate to blood children and wife
Bequeaths to step children and / or future grandchildren.

See i'm going to disagree with you there.

My stepdad has been in my life since i was 3, i'm 33 this year. He is to me, my dad. He has always been there for me and has always treated me equally to my siblings (all his and my mums). I actually dont have a realtionship with my biologocal dad. Havne;t seen or spoken to him for nearly 15 years.

If he died and left me out the wil lit would hurt. Not because of money but because i love him as my dad and hes all i have and it would hurt to find out he never felt the same (afaik we are equal in the will anyway but this is a hypothetical)

Obviously the OP is not in the same situation but i dont think its black and white if that makes sense?

itsjustmeerich

I've been with my husband for nearly 32 years, he has 4 daughters, only 2 are mine. For over 25 years my husband has not worked, not inside or outside the home, therefore all the items in our home have been solely paid for by me. I will not be giving my step daughters anything from our home or savings. What we have is because I have earned it, nothing to do with their father. He does not see his children, he doesn't really bother with the 2 we had together. They don't even keep in touch with their younger sisters so everything goes to my children.

Ms_Chocaholic

itsjustmeerich wrote: »

I've been with my husband for nearly 32 years, he has 4 daughters, only 2 are mine. For over 25 years my husband has not worked, not inside or outside the home, therefore all the items in our home have been solely paid for by me. I will not be giving my step daughters anything from our home or savings. What we have is because I have earned it, nothing to do with their father. He does not see his children, he doesn't really bother with the 2 we had together. They don't even keep in touch with their younger sisters so everything goes to my children.

Do you own your home? Is your husband on the deeds? If so, how is your house owned - joint tenants or tenants in common.

maman

itsjustmeerich wrote: »

I've been with my husband for nearly 32 years, he has 4 daughters, only 2 are mine. For over 25 years my husband has not worked, not inside or outside the home, therefore all the items in our home have been solely paid for by me. I will not be giving my step daughters anything from our home or savings. What we have is because I have earned it, nothing to do with their father. He does not see his children, he doesn't really bother with the 2 we had together. They don't even keep in touch with their younger sisters so everything goes to my children.

Have you made a will accordingly and arrangements for the house if you own it?

I understand your reasoning but like the OP there's no explanation of why the partner hasn't worked which, for me, would make a difference to my attitude as it seems to have done for you.

OP's wife seems to have a car and savings despite not earning. :think:

Cider_girl

How would you feel if the tables were turned and your children were left out of the will by your wife. Would you be hurt, that she didn't treat all of your children as her own, I suspect you would. I would feel like I had been betrayed if it were me.

Your wife has kept your families together, along with your home etc, it is a very naive or disrespectful person, who thinks the person at home has contributed nothing. If she hadn't done what she has done and continues to do, you wouldn't be where you are now.

You sound as though you are stuck in the dark ages, and that the stay at home parent contributes nothing. It's a very chauvinistic attitude.

I think you both need to sit down, and discuss this, as it is also cheaper to do mirror wills.

maman

Cider_girl wrote: »

How would you feel if the tables were turned and your children were left out of the will by your wife. Would you be hurt, that she didn't treat all of your children as her own, I suspect you would. I would feel like I had been betrayed if it were me.

Your wife has kept your families together, along with your home etc, it is a very naive or disrespectful person, who thinks the person at home has contributed nothing. If she hadn't done what she has done and continues to do, you wouldn't be where you are now.

You sound as though you are stuck in the dark ages, and that the stay at home parent contributes nothing. It's a very chauvinistic attitude.

I think you both need to sit down, and discuss this, as it is also cheaper to do mirror wills.

There are many possible reasons why one partner in a relationship doesn't work and contribute financially but OP has chosen not to post about that so we can't make a judgement.

There does appear to be a reason however. What he could do is write a will so that his own children were provided for but also leaving his wife enough so that she could make equal provision for her own children if she wishes. Then he doesn't need to make a decision between step children.