Wills and stepkids etc

onwards&upwards

help50 wrote: »

I am pondering that yes, for the reasons I’ve tried to describe. That stepchild remained under guardianship of the father, remained in a different country, and I have met maybe 3 times. It is a very different relationship to the other stepchild who was with me for last 10 years, let alone the 3 blood kids.

So the unequivocal message you will be sending is ‘this one isn’t part of my family’.

Are you comfortable with that? What effect do you think it might have on relationships after you’ve gone? How much does that matter to you?

help50

My realisation is that this one is part of an extended family, is not as close to me and I have had no involvement in his upbringing or parental role whatsoever. I don’t think anyone can deny that. Would I be comfortable with my blood kids thinking why did this one get the same as me? What effect might that have on their relationships?

onwards&upwards

help50 wrote: »

My realisation is that this one is part of an extended family, is not as close to me and I have had no involvement in his upbringing or parental role whatsoever. I don’t think anyone can deny that. Would I be comfortable with my blood kids thinking why did this one get the same as me? What effect might that have on their relationships?

It sounds like you know what you want to do.

You really really need to be in full agreement with your wife though, so that you both have an agreement on what to do when one is left alone.

You don’t want a situation where she dies first thinking you will treat all 5 equally, or you die first thinking she will treat her eldest child less favourably when she won’t.

help50

onwards&upwards wrote: »

It sounds like you know what you want to do.

You really really need to be in full agreement with your wife though, so that you both have an agreement on what to do when one is left alone.

You don’t want a situation where she dies first thinking you will treat all 5 equally, or you die first thinking she will treat her eldest child less favourably when she won’t.

I have a feeling for what seems ok, but I was reaching out to see what other experiences were out there. And yes absolutely this will all be talked through.

help50

Sea_Shell wrote: »

Have you talked this through with your wife??

absolutely will be doing that, was just trying to hear from others what they have done and reflect on that.

onwards&upwards

help50 wrote: »

I have a feeling for what seems ok, but I was reaching out to see what other experiences were out there. And yes absolutely this will all be talked through.

Has any of it made a difference to your original thoughts?

bouicca21

It’s a really difficult one, but let’s add something else into the mix and complicate it further. The older stepchild is effectively part of a different family, does (S)he have expectations of an inheritance from his biological father? Does the other stepchild have similar expectations?

maman

ska_lover wrote: »

hmmm I would have a hard time gifting money to a step child I didn't know that well - if my spouse had never contributed any finances towards the marital pot because they ''didn't want to work''

That's the bit I don't understand either. OP definitely posts as if all the assets are his and there may be good reason for that.

help50 wrote: »

My realisation is that this one is part of an extended family, is not as close to me and I have had no involvement in his upbringing or parental role whatsoever. I don’t think anyone can deny that. Would I be comfortable with my blood kids thinking why did this one get the same as me? What effect might that have on their relationships?

If it was just your money then that's quite understandable. But everything you've said suggests you think of all the assets as yours to dispose of as you think fit. That seems odd in a marriage. The stepchild that you hardly know is none the less your wife's son. I can't see that if they were her assets she'd want to discriminate against him. Do your adult children not think of family money/assets as shared between you and your wife? If they did they'd understand that all children (yours and your wife's) were being treated the same.


It is difficult to discuss in the context of what we've learned about the Scottish system but a lot of this depends on how your will provides for your wife, whether she's disadvantaged by your bequests to the children.

help50

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Has any of it made a difference to your original thoughts?

I think its just confirmed that there are a range of views! But its all welcome so thanks.

help50

bouicca21 wrote: »

It’s a really difficult one, but let’s add something else into the mix and complicate it further. The older stepchild is effectively part of a different family, does (S)he have expectations of an inheritance from his biological father? Does the other stepchild have similar expectations?

I would imagine that yes they would both expect an inheritance from their father. I would imagine the older kid would expect an inheritance from his mum (my wife) but *probably* not from me. My 3 kids would also expect an inheritance from their mum too! I use "expect" in all this with no negative meaning before anyone jumps on that!