Wills and stepkids etc

74jax

My husband has in his will that after he distributed certain things to me, the remainder is split 3 ways with his 2 nephews and my daughter - his step daughter.

His will stays this is only if we are married, if we have legally divorced then it's just split between his 2 nephews.

I don't agree with this, he's been in her life for 14 years, I don't think you divorce the step child as it were, but it's not my will.

I would definately include your step children. They are part of the family.

help50

maman wrote: »

Apologies I wasn't aware of the details of Scottish law. So, can you decide whether to include step children (and how many)? or do they have to be 'blood' children? And do you and your wife have equal movable estates or do you have a lot more in your accounts? And out of interest (excuse ignorance) what happens to the other 1/3, is that for other bequests like charities or other family?

Yes the default is stepkids not included so you have to include them explicitly. I have more in my accounts. The other 1/3 you can do whatever you like with, so that’s where I could include stepkids if I wanted. That’s the way it works here. I want to include stepkids. If I use that 1/3 equally between the two, they would get more than my 3 kids would get. I could split that remaining 1/3 between all 5 kids, then they both get something but my kids end up with more. I could give the stepkid who I helped bring up, an equivalent share to my 3 blood kids, give the other stepkid less and the remaining bit to eg my wife. Or I could give all 5 kids the same. That seemed unfair: oldest blood kid who I brought up would get same as stepkid who I’ve met maybe 3 times. He was to be brought up by his father when his parents divorced. I figure this is tricky, others must have faced it, I wonder how they dealt with it and could that help me figure it out.

maman

help50 wrote: »

Yes the default is stepkids not included so you have to include them explicitly. I have more in my accounts. The other 1/3 you can do whatever you like with, so that’s where I could include stepkids if I wanted. That’s the way it works here. I want to include stepkids. If I use that 1/3 equally between the two, they would get more than my 3 kids would get. I could split that remaining 1/3 between all 5 kids, then they both get something but my kids end up with more. I could give the stepkid who I helped bring up, an equivalent share to my 3 blood kids, give the other stepkid less and the remaining bit to eg my wife. Or I could give all 5 kids the same. That seemed unfair: oldest blood kid who I brought up would get same as stepkid who I’ve met maybe 3 times. He was to be brought up by his father when his parents divorced. I figure this is tricky, others must have faced it, I wonder how they dealt with it and could that help me figure it out.

Thanks for explaining it all.

I find it hard to identify with your wife as I've always worked so have earned an income and accrued savings equal to my DH.

So part of me feels that your wife is fortunate to have savings but I don't know what conversations you've had about how you share out the family finances and why she chooses not to do paid work.

I can see 2 options (probably more). You can leave equal amounts to your children and the step child you've brought up and maybe something to the other one as a gesture from you. Or you can leave it just to your own children but make sure your wife has enough extra to give her children the same as yours if she chooses. So I'm pushing the decision about the absent child to her but making sure she has enough to do what she wants.

Hope that makes some sense.

help50

maman wrote: »

Thanks for explaining it all.

I find it hard to identify with your wife as I've always worked so have earned an income and accrued savings equal to my DH.

So part of me feels that your wife is fortunate to have savings but I don't know what conversations you've had about how you share out the family finances and why she chooses not to do paid work.

I can see 2 options (probably more). You can leave equal amounts to your children and the step child you've brought up and maybe something to the other one as a gesture from you. Or you can leave it just to your own children but make sure your wife has enough extra to give her children the same as yours if she chooses. So I'm pushing the decision about the absent child to her but making sure she has enough to do what she wants.

Hope that makes some sense.

Thanks for your understanding. I was just doing some sums and have come up with a model which gives the same to my 3 blood kids + the one stepkid I brought up, and 1/2 of that individual amount to the other stepkid. So that's like your first option above. I think that's about the fairest solution, at least I can think of.

mattpaint

help50 wrote: »

Thanks for your understanding. I was just doing some sums and have come up with a model which gives the same to my 3 blood kids + the one stepkid I brought up, and 1/2 of that individual amount to the other stepkid. So that's like your first option above. I think that's about the fairest solution, at least I can think of.

What does your wife think about your plan to treat her child so differently?

I suspect you wouldn't have about 50 per cent of your shared assets if she knew.

help50

Well all this will be talked through of course. Another option which I assume you’re suggesting is that all 5 kids (adults actually) receive the same. My oldest blood kid who I’ve looked after from day 1 and and with whom I have a deep close relationship to, would have the same inheritance as my stepkid who I’ve known for 10 years, met maybe 3 times and essentially have no involvement in his life (we get on great when we meet I hasten to add). Doesn’t seem quite fair.

ska_lover

hmmm I would have a hard time gifting money to a step child I didn't know that well - if my spouse had never contributed any finances towards the marital pot because they ''didn't want to work''

onwards&upwards

help50 wrote: »

Well all this will be talked through of course. Another option which I assume you’re suggesting is that all 5 kids (adults actually) receive the same. My oldest blood kid who I’ve looked after from day 1 and and with whom I have a deep close relationship to, would have the same inheritance as my stepkid who I’ve known for 10 years, met maybe 3 times and essentially have no involvement in his life (we get on great when we meet I hasten to add). Doesn’t seem quite fair.

Again though it depends on if you see yours and your wife’s stuff as ‘ours’ and consider you are all part of the same family.

If you do, then your family includes 5 adult children and you are suggesting that one is singled out to receive much less than the other 4.

help50

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Again though it depends on if you see yours and your wife’s stuff as ‘ours’ and consider you are all part of the same family.

If you do, then your family includes 5 adult children and you are suggesting that one is singled out to receive much less than the other 4.

I am pondering that yes, for the reasons I’ve tried to describe. That stepchild remained under guardianship of the father, remained in a different country, and I have met maybe 3 times. It is a very different relationship to the other stepchild who was with me for last 10 years, let alone the 3 blood kids.

Sea_Shell

Have you talked this through with your wife??