Two bedroom flat - children

svain

Pollycat wrote: »

Then the OP and her partner should have addressed the issue years ago.
It's not as though it's come as a bolt out of the blue.

So a few people have said ........ yet it still doesnt change this fact and doesn't help the OP at the moment

Re your final paragraph, the OP has said nothing at all about how her children feel about sharing a bedroom.
Assuming the children won't become emotionally damaged because they shared a room is equally ridiculous

No, but some posts have suggested otherwise and its an over reaction based on assumption

maman

Disappointing that OP has disappeared but sadly nothing new on mse.

I agree that this should have been anticipated and dealt with years ago but it seems there might be a reason OP raised it now. Perhaps children complaining? Who knows?

OP has been given plenty of suggestions but it seems they don't want to consider them. As I see it, it's a temporary thing that might only last a few years until eldest leaves home and therefore should be accommodated. Ironically OP thinks it could be much longer which suggests to me a two pronged attack. Make temporary arrangements now like partitioning a bedroom or using the sitting room but also go all out for a bigger place. I'd say they have more leverage now than when one of the children gets old enough to move out.

miriamac

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Something tells me that possibly you are not and never have been a young woman with periods having to share a room with a 9 year old boy.That any parent could prioritize there own personal needs above their daughter in this situation is astonishing.

I don't get the "what about the periods?!" card.

Is she going to be changing her sanitary protection in the bedroom?

Is there a problem with boys being aware of/learning that it's a fact that women menstruate, that it's normal and a part of life?

I shared a room with much younger siblings long after I started to menstruate and long before they did. I don't think they even noticed, much less were traumatised by it.

There are certainly good reasons for the children and the parents to have privacy, and there are competing reasons and priorities on all sides.

I don't see menstruation as being the trump card here (and if it is, then that card could also be played by the mum - to ensure that her bedroom privacy also remains inviolate. Even if her bedroom is in the living room).

maman

miriamac wrote: »

I don't get the "what about the periods?!" card.

Is she going to be changing her sanitary protection in the bedroom?

Is there a problem with boys being aware of/learning that it's a fact that women menstruate, that it's normal and a part of life?

I shared a room with much younger siblings long after I started to menstruate and long before they did. I don't think they even noticed, much less were traumatised by it.

There are certainly good reasons for the children and the parents to have privacy, and there are competing reasons and priorities on all sides.

I don't see menstruation as being the trump card here (and if it is, then that card could also be played by the mum - to ensure that her bedroom privacy also remains inviolate. Even if her bedroom is in the living room).

I agree that menstruation shouldn't be the 'trump card' which is after all just monthly any more than the OP's priority of 'intimacy' with her partner which could be far more frequent!

miriamac

maman wrote: »

I agree that menstruation shouldn't be the 'trump card' which is after all just monthly any more than the OP's priority of 'intimacy' with her partner which could be far more frequent!

Defining 'frequency ' could open up a whole new avenue of debate!

As could defining 'noticeability'.

If you walk into a living room or bedroom are you more likely to notice that a woman is menstruating, or that a couple is copulating?

Pollycat

svain wrote: »

So a few people have said ........ yet it still doesnt change this fact and doesn't help the OP at the moment

Maybe the OP needed it pointing out that she should have asked the question at some point after her son was born as - not wanting to move from her existing housing - it would have been an obvious issue years down the line.
Possibly the council housing situation may have been different then.

The OP has had a number of suggestions that may help her if she is willing to consider them.

onwards&upwards

miriamac wrote: »

I don't get the "what about the periods?!" card.

Is she going to be changing her sanitary protection in the bedroom?

Is there a problem with boys being aware of/learning that it's a fact that women menstruate, that it's normal and a part of life?

I shared a room with much younger siblings long after I started to menstruate and long before they did. I don't think they even noticed, much less were traumatised by it.

There are certainly good reasons for the children and the parents to have privacy, and there are competing reasons and priorities on all sides.

I don't see menstruation as being the trump card here (and if it is, then that card could also be played by the mum - to ensure that her bedroom privacy also remains inviolate. Even if her bedroom is in the living room).

I don’t think periods are the only issue, although I do think it’s much better for a young girl just starting to have privacy. Leaks and being caught unexpectedly so ending up with bloodstained pyjamas or bedding are more likely, and mortifying with a 9 year old boy in the room. Also, she may want to change protection in her room, especially while she’s learning how to use tampons etc.

There are other things though, without wishing to be indelicate both children need to be able to explore their bodies. The boy is not far off an age where he might have things like wet dreams.

There is a reason why, even in cultures where children having their own room is not the standard, there is almost always separation by sex/gender.

seven-day-weekend

Sofa bed in the living room is obviously the way to go, have a wardrobe/clothes rail in the kid's bedrooms.

The kids will have to use their own rooms after a certain time at night to give the parents some privacy - this is the price for THEIR privacy. It's called compromise.

onwards&upwards

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Sofa bed in the living room is obviously the way to go, have a wardrobe/clothes rail in the kid's bedrooms.

The kids will have to use their own rooms after a certain time at night to give the parents some privacy - this is the price for THEIR privacy. It's called compromise.

9pm is way too early though, especially for a flat as lots are open plan. I think 10 or 11pm is reasonable. 9pm cutoff could restrict social and after school activities.

Pollycat

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Sofa bed in the living room is obviously the way to go, have a wardrobe/clothes rail in the kid's bedrooms.

The kids will have to use their own rooms after a certain time at night to give the parents some privacy - this is the price for THEIR privacy. It's called compromise.

I agree, SDW.
The OP says this:

tazwhoever wrote: »

Get some sofa bed in the living room but risky intimacy might to be exposed or less sleeping together!

Thanks again

I'm not sure if they already have a sofa bed in the living room or are considered getting one but the OP doesn't seem that keen on that option.
The bottom line is that a 3rd bedroom isn't going to magically appear in the flat.

I'd guess that if the OP and her partner sat the kids down and explained, with the prospect of having a bedroom to themselves they'd be OK with a few house rules around privacy for their parents in the late evening.

Both children are of the age where it's common to have sleep-overs with friends/school mates and the lack of privacy for the children may cause issues with their peers.
As we all know, children can be cruel and to reject offers of sleep-overs because you can't reciprocate because you don't have your own bedroom could lead to loss of friends or even worse.

In the absence of any information about how the kids actually feel and the probability of no further update from the OP, it's all conjecture anyway.