How much financial support do you give your parents ?

babyblade41

Pollycat wrote: »

It depends where in the country the OP's parents live and what sort of house they currently own.
The cheapest houses in my area are for sale ranging from £55k to £70k.

It would be hard to downsize from a property worth a similar amount and release enough capital to be able to sort out debts and have money to put by.

That is true , living in SE Oxfordshire I sometimes forget there are properties worth so much less .. again difficult giving opinions without knowing the full extent.
Could be small debt ar a bloody great big one :eek:

hannerrbabes

BBH123 wrote: »

Thanks all for your thoughts.
... it gives them the view that ' benefits' are for others and not a world they could navigate in, I think the forms would be beyond them tbh.


They have the mindset of live for today and tomorrow will look after itself ...

I'm worried that helping / baling them out will lead to me resenting them in their twilight years and whilst helping won't put me on the breadline I won't have the level of income I thought I would to do the things I want to.

Benefits are for people in financial difficulty. Your parents are in financial difficulty. They need to apply for benefits. Being proud in this situation would just be stupid. And saying that they would be unable to fill in a form is just ridiculous. If they really couldn't fill in their personal details and history, then I'm sure you, or other family members, could help.

And as for their short-term mindset; you cannot change that permanently. This situation is self inflicted.

If your parents are expecting you to help them out financially, knowing that it would put you into financial difficulty, then that's extremely selfish of them. Most peole wouldn't be able to afford to maintain their lifestyle and pay for another's.

Lastly, I'm a bit confused how they have no pension provisions? If they've both been taxpayers throughout their working life and don't have a private pension, then they will be no-doubt entitled to a state pension. And if pride comes into this, the majority of people their age get a state pension so it's NOTHING to be ashamed of.

Pollycat

hannerrbabes wrote: »

Lastly, I'm a bit confused how they have no pension provisions? If they've both been taxpayers throughout their working life and don't have a private pension, then they will be no-doubt entitled to a state pension. And if pride comes into this, the majority of people their age get a state pension so it's NOTHING to be ashamed of.

They did have private pension provision.
They took it out and spent it.

BBH123 wrote: »

The situation in more detail is that they did have pension provision but cashed it in years ago to pay for one thing or another and find themselves today with state pension and other bits and pieces from little gardening jobs etc. It seems not only have they spent but have borrowed aswell so owe money but wont tell me how much. They have intimated they would appreciate help with utilities / council tax.

Yes, they should have state pensions, although the Mother may have a reduced one if she only paid the 'married woman's stamp'.

I can't understand how someone would be too proud to apply for benefits but would 'appreciate help with utilities / council tax' from their child.

[Deleted User]

Organza_Lace wrote: »

£120 a month for 23 years... sore point...

Is this a monetary value you have been giving ? 23 yrs is a long time, is that to top up rent / mortgage

vacheron

Pollycat wrote: »

I can't understand how someone would be too proud to apply for benefits but would 'appreciate help with utilities / council tax' from their child.

I think it could all boil down to peer snobbery, especially as the parents spending seems to have been mainly on "conspicuous consumption" items such as cars and expensive holidays which are often used by people in an attempt to improve their perceived social standing.

OP. Do your parents have a social circle of friends who have witnessed their past spending and to whom they may be embarrassed to have to admit that they have begun receiving benefits?

[Deleted User]

Pollycat wrote: »

They did have private pension provision.
They took it out and spent it.



Yes, they should have state pensions, although the Mother may have a reduced one if she only paid the 'married woman's stamp'.

I can't understand how someone would be too proud to apply for benefits but would 'appreciate help with utilities / council tax' from their child.

None of our family have ever relied on benefits, its just not on the radar , we have always worked and supported ourselves through thick and thin. Their house is worth about £250k so not much to last what could be another 20 yrs.

vacheron

BBH123 wrote: »

None of our family have ever relied on benefits, its just not on the radar..............

Perhaps they need to be told the cold hard truth that

"none of the family have ever relied on benefits before"

... is possibly because:

none of the family have frittered away their future security on non-essential luxuries to the point where they are unable to afford the essential costs of living before?

[Deleted User]

TBH I think its more a question of cutting their cloth so to speak and besides when the house is sold they wont be able to claim anything. They will have the money there and their state pensions and odd job monies and they'll have to poke up with it.

maman

Bellisima wrote: »

There is nothing shameful about benefits. They are there to help people on low incomes survive. The basic state pension is very low. My husband retired a few years ago and he got a work pension on top of the state pension. Shame they did not think about putting into a work pension fund, but there you go. My husband did qualify for Pension Credit as well as Cold Weather Payments, and he was able to get free cavity wall insulation and a new boiler, all paid by government schemes. You have to be on Pension Credits to apply.

Ah yes, but they're not meant to be there for people who've made the conscious choice to end up with a low income because they've been profligate and irresponsible. That's just a case of spending your own money and when that's gone starting on taxpayers' funds. OP's parents cashed in occupational pensions and treated all income as disposable so making no provision for retirement other than state pension.


This is very relevant because OP's original question was whether she'd resent her parents for compromising her own retirement plans because of their own irresponsible behaviour. My answer would be a resounding yes and I'm really pleased that OP has decided to simply offer advice.

Duncan0808

I think there is only one post who seems to think that families should stick together and support each generation.

Really disappointing and explains a lot about society today, the blame and benefit culture and why the welfare state is in the state it is in.

My Parents had me and my brother, he was born with a severe disability and mum had to give up work to look after him.
They were never particularly wealthy but we had a good life. Dad went through periods of being wealthy when they spent, and periods of being out of work when they didn't.
When my Nan lost her husband, she came to live with us rather than be her on her own. She helped with the cooking and cleaning and did lots of babysitting when we were younger.

When my dad got made redundant, just as his pension went bust and he had 4 years left to retire, plus their mortgage ran on twelve months after his official retirement date, they downsized. Moved to a tiny bungalow that my wheelchair bound brother could hardly get around. They had no money to do anything other than get by.

They sold up, used the money from the sale to build an extension on our house with some left over, we pay all the bills, and pay towards the food bill (Mum shops) We have lived together and looked after each other for the last 15 years. Including my brother.

Again, we gained a live in cook and and handyman, plus babysitting. Now it is payback time as they get older and frailer and struggle with ill health and need more help with things.
Financially we have all gained from sharing our wealth too. Our home is more valuable and will be there in the future as my "pot". Although my son tells me that we won't be selling up as my husband and I will simply move into the Granny flat once my parents pass away and he will take over maintaining the home and supporting his parents.

Seems that society has passed a point of no return - where the state is expected to pick up the pieces.