How much financial support do you give your parents ?

[Deleted User]

We hear a lot about parents helping out children financially but what of adults who have to help out aging parents.


I am really having mixed emotions at the moment. My Step mum and dad have announced they have no pension provision which has come as a total bolt from the blue. For years it seems they have lived for the moment and enjoyed life and have never put money aside preferring holidays, cars etc but now in mid seventies the chickens are coming home to roost. They own a house outright but cannot afford to run it and its also not worth much so even selling the money would run out. Please do not suggest benefits as they are proud people and wont accept them.


I am able to help out financially but it will put my own savings / retirement plans in jeopardy and I have a sister who is estranged so wont help. I feel the burden is left to me I feel very torn, on the one hand to be put in this position and on the other very guilty for feeling this.


Anyone else negotiating this situation.

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

-taff

If you're feeling torn guilty and your own pensions/future is in jeopardy, then benefits is the way to go. Would they rather you have a !!!!py time or would they rather just have what they are entitled to?
I'm assuming they have a state pension? Do they have a wam heating allowance? If they do, point out that that's a benefit so whats the harm in having any more?
They can always release equity from their house with an agreement to let the suruvuving partner live there but as you say they live for the moment, they may well blow that money too. Best to keep it somewhere where they can have the interest monthly from income bonds or something...

Mojisola

BBH123 wrote: »

Please do not suggest benefits as they are proud people and wont accept them.

I am able to help out financially but it will put my own savings / retirement plans in jeopardy

Given the choice of claiming benefits that they are entitled to or putting your economic future at risk, would they really chose to take money from you?

PasturesNew

As a "rule of thumb" - I'd expect them to be getting about £1000/month (possibly more), with the state pension and pension credit etc.

That's more than plenty to live on.

Where's it going? Are they getting everything they're entitled to?

oystercatcher

I would just be blunt and say you can't afford it. They must be entitled to state pension, if that's not enough then they need to move to somewhere that costs less to run. How can they be too proud to claim benefits but not too proud to take from you ?

AylesburyDuck

As much as it sounds a lovely idea you cannot help them out financially if it's putting your own future ar risk.
Unfortunately this is a problem of their own making, and proud or not, they are now in their mid seventies and will have to pull up their big boy/girl panties and live within their means from state pension and and benefits, which i hasten to add they presumably have paid tax all their life and are entitled too.
What they arnt entitled too is to live life like money was no option and then to come begging at your door when it all goes predictably wrong in later life.

Gavin83

BBH123 wrote: »

Please do not suggest benefits as they are proud people and wont accept them.

I'm sure they'll feel less proud when they have to choose between keeping their pride or eating.

This is entirely their own doing. They knew retirement would happen one day and they decided to live their life in their younger years rather than saving for when they're older. There's essentially nothing wrong with this but what they should expect is for their kids to support their lifestyle due to their bad decisions.

They should accept that their life will now be a lot more basic than what they've been used to, they'll certainly have enough money to live on.

Have they actually asked for your support? If they're too proud to claim the benefits they're entitled to I'd imagine they'll be too proud to ask you for help. If they do, simply say no. It'll irreparably damage your relationship anyway when you see them off on holiday with your money while you struggle to live.

GreenQueen

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

they presumably have paid tax all their life and are entitled too.

this^^

(too short)

[Deleted User]

Thanks all for your thoughts.


I appreciate that most people are saying they should apply for benefits and yes they have paid taxes all their lives but I think it gives them the view that ' benefits' are for others and not a world they could navigate in, I think the forms would be beyond them tbh.


They have the mindset of live for today and tomorrow will look after itself and as younger people that probably can work ie if you're on your uppers find a job but not as pensioners.


I'm worried that helping / baling them out will lead to me resenting them in their twilight years and whilst helping won't put me on the breadline I won't have the level of income I thought I would to do the things I want to.


I think we need to sit down and see whats what.


Ahhh

elona

Surely "helping them out" would be things like getting information on pensions and benefits and helping them fill out the forms or even doing it for them and then they sign it. If you want to be generous you could pay for financial advice for them.

You could ask a few questions on their behalf on the pension forum on here to give you a starting point.

My DDs and son in law etc will help me out by moving things around if they are heavy, change light bulbs if they are hard to reach etc and these are things they offer when they call round but I don't expect it and would be mortified if any of them felt they needed to help me out financially.

DH and I scrimped and saved to put money in pensions and savings so that we would hopefully always be self sufficient and even be able to help out our daughters should it be needed. He would turn in his grave at the thought of us needing to depend on them financially.

Flugelhorn

If they are saying to you that they have no money and need some help then they need to be honest and let you know what they are actually getting in the way of state pension etc. You can then give them some help in getting anything else they are entitled to

I had a parent who bleated for years about how hard up she was and didn't want benefits etc. When she died I found she had a health bank balance, state pension and attendance allowance.