How much financial support do you give your parents ?

Sea_Shell

I think this thread goes hand in hand with the "treating children equally" thread, they are interlinked, with every families own circumstances differing.

E.g. If my parents literally give too much money away to my sibling, therefore threatening their own financial future, why should I then be approached to bail them out, when they run out of money.

To my mind it also depends on which side of the family needs help. My DH has mainly provided for us, and our chosen lifestyle, so why should he agree to jeopardise that to help my parents. He shouldn't and I wouldn't expect him too.

Soundgirlrocks

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

When someone is in their mid 70s, can a new way of budgeting be taught? It is an interesting thought, and questions I have no answer to, I am just raising them as thoughts

My parents are trying to teach my grandmother who is in her 80ies and is easily confused how to budget, she on the other hand thinks she needs new cashmere jumpers every season & £200 jeans. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Sometimes you have to accept people can't change and all you can do limit the damage they cause.

enthusiasticsaver

You can support them without giving them money especially if it jeopardises your future and living standards. Is that what they are expecting or are you just guessing you will have to help? If they cannot afford to run the house then you can help them sort out selling it and maybe downsizing or claiming benefits whether they want to or not. I am guessing given the choice of claiming or eating they will eventually claim.

Happier_Me

My parents are mid 60's, still working and are more than capable of cutting their cloth when they do eventually retire, they wouldn't dream of expecting their children to support them financially. After all the majority of us will experience some sort of lifestyle change when we stop working.

My husband's parents are in a different situation insofar as they are both retired with 2 X state pensions, a very small private pension and a paid for house. They are very much live for today, ignore tomorrow people and have lived this way all their lives, but now the savings are depleted they have no choice but to manage with what they have. I dread the thought of their boiler breaking or their car costing a fortune to repair or them announcing they've maxed out their credit cards and can't afford to pay the minimum.. because there may well be an expectation that we cover the cost. And to be honest, I won't. I'll help in other ways, by setting them a budget, making savings on their utilities and possibly look into equity release for them. But they have prioritised buying stuff, having takeaways and meals out and holidays for years over saving for their old age...and they are still spending on these things! So I don't intend to work to fund someone elses bad choices, most of us have it all on to fund our own retirement.

mobileron

If they contact there local Age Concern branch,there is a legal person there will help them complete any forms,and its free.

Pollycat

scalextric wrote: »

Why did they just announce this to you? Do two grownups really expect you to pay their way? Get them help to fill in their forms for whatever benefits they can claim. They brought this on themselves.

My thoughts too.

BBH123 wrote: »

We hear a lot about parents helping out children financially but what of adults who have to help out aging parents.

I am really having mixed emotions at the moment. My Step mum and dad have announced they have no pension provision which has come as a total bolt from the blue. For years it seems they have lived for the moment and enjoyed life and have never put money aside preferring holidays, cars etc but now in mid seventies the chickens are coming home to roost. They own a house outright but cannot afford to run it and its also not worth much so even selling the money would run out. Please do not suggest benefits as they are proud people and wont accept them.

I am able to help out financially but it will put my own savings / retirement plans in jeopardy and I have a sister who is estranged so wont help. I feel the burden is left to me I feel very torn, on the one hand to be put in this position and on the other very guilty for feeling this.

Anyone else negotiating this situation.

I wonder what form this 'announcement' took.
A throw-away comment that the OP has seized on?
Or an obviously-phrased 'please help us'?

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I found out about the Winter Fuel Payment on here the MSU site, and my parents applied and got it.

I understand that if you are a pensioner, this is paid automatically.
If you have deferred your state pension you may have to apply for it.

https://www.gov.uk/winter-fuel-payment

Gavin83

Is the OP planning on returning and answering some of the questions? I've seen them posting on other peoples threads.

Ratkin007

This might seem a bit harsh but what I'd like to know is, have they put away for their funerals? as that may be something that will ned to be paid unless you let the state cover it. Hopefully that's a very long way off yet. As everyone else has said, equity release or downsize, sheltered housing maybe. If they go into social housing then once money from housesale is below a point they can get housing benefit and will not be responsible for upkeep/repairs of property.

74jax

When they perhaps all for money for the heating, an example, could you maybe say you had just recieved your heating bill too and if you pay theirs you can't pay yours. Or if they say they are running short on food, could you say you were just about to go shopping so could pick something up for them and you will miss a couple of meals.

Point out to them you have exactly the same bills to pay so paying in one household doesn't allow paying them in another.

mdury

I am able to help out financially but it will put my own savings / retirement plans in jeopardy and I have a sister who is estranged so wont help. I feel the burden is left to me I feel very torn, on the one hand to be put in this position and on the other very guilty for feeling this.

Have you considered their house could be your pension? It seems reasonable to me that they could gift you the house in return for a sort of annuity. For instance you could agree that they both could live in it for the rest of their lives, with bills fully paid (as you say you can afford this). This would mean their state pensions can just be for food and trips. You get to help without jepodising your future too much and they get more spare cash.