Should i ignore my partners flirting?

Comms69

Organza_Lace wrote: »

In that case i hope the person on the receiving end doesnt get the wrong end of the stick.

They might, misunderstanding happen all the time; every day.


I don't see how this is any different.

sheramber

Marvel1 wrote: »

Do you message the opposite sex "Wish you were here" with kisses and hearts?

No , but I don't message my husband that way either.

Candyapple

Mumsy3 wrote: »

Last year he was on a lad's holiday and i decided to go on his ipad where i found texts and private photo messages to other women with comments such as 'hello my darling wish you were here' along with kissy emojis and love hearts

Mumsy3 wrote: »

In January we seemed to be going through a bit of a lull (maybe that was because he was always out doing extra jobs!) and the night before he went away again with his mates i looked at his phone and found another flirty message he'd sent to another woman

He sounds like a desperate cringebag, who even sends stuff like this to random women apart from sad thirsty old men?

So that’s 2 separate instances (that you know of) of where he has clearly disrespected you, lied again and continued doing the same thing he said he would stop as he even agreed it was inappropriate. Why didn’t you leave him then?

Sounds like he is having a midlife crisis and is trying to gain attention from women, any women - to retain his masculinity, regardless of being in a relationship with you. You sound like you have major trust issues still lingering from your first divorce, zero self-esteem and self-worth to be in your 50s and still with such a loser.

Dump the loser and go speak to a therapist as you clearly have a lot of unresolved issues you need to deal with and also your lack of knowledge of what a healthy relationship should be like.

Mumsy3 wrote: »

I think i have to believe that he would never be unfaithful and that what he does is harmless - even though it really upsets me.

If you’ve already told him time and time again that his behaviour is upsetting you and he continues to do it – what is he showing you? Forget his words, his actions are what matter here. He is showing you that he does not give a monkey’s about your feelings and his need to receive attention/validation from random women is more important to him than showing you, his partner, that he cares about you by stopping it. That alone would spell the end of the relationship – there is no respect.

Mumsy3 wrote: »

I'll enjoy our relationship (which is good at the moment) for what it is but I will never truly trust him now and that is not a good basis for a relationship. I can't see into the future with him anymore because I need to protect myself against what may happen! Once bitten....

So if you know that you don’t trust him, you can’t see a future with him, he has no respect for you at all – why are you still in a relationship with him?

Mojisola

Candyapple wrote: »

So that’s 2 separate instances (that you know of) of where he has clearly disrespected you, lied again and continued doing the same thing he said he would stop as he even agreed it was inappropriate.

If you’ve already told him time and time again that his behaviour is upsetting you and he continues to do it – what is he showing you? Forget his words, his actions are what matter here.

These are the points that would matter to me - he knows he's doing something that upsets you but doesn't care enough about you to stop doing them.

badmemory

Mojisola wrote: »

These are the points that would matter to me - he knows he's doing something that upsets you but doesn't care enough about you to stop doing them.

This - just this. The other stuff is just other stuff but this is the nitty gritty. If it is the way they stir their tea that really upsets you & they don't feel the need to do anything about it (even if it means you making every single cup of tea in the future) then you both have a problem!

Rob1878

I've been in your shoes OP, looking over my shoulder, wondering if my now ex was where she said she was, who she said she was with, and yes even checking her phone, which I was not proud of but I felt that desperate.


It is a toxic place to be. If you don't find anything you still wonder has your partner just been clever enough to cover their tracks. If you even think you have found something then you feel if your worst fears are confirmed.


Toxic people and toxic situations will destroy good people IF THEY LET IT. Your response to how much longer you allow that to happen is controlled by you.



I'm afraid it does sound like you have a trust issue and without trust what have you got? Trust is a cornerstone in a relationship imho.