Should i ignore my partners flirting?

Marvel1

sheramber wrote: »

Presumably he was like this when you met him.

Has been like this for many years.

Why do you think he should change now?

Maybe you are a bit sensitive to the issue from your previous experience of marriage but he is who he is. People do not change.

In over 50 years of marriage neither my husband or I have snooped on the other party's emails, computer or phone

You will drive him away.

Do you message the opposite sex "Wish you were here" with kisses and hearts?

NeilCr

Marvel1 wrote: »

Do you message the opposite sex "Wish you were here" with kisses and hearts?

Yes. Not the exact words but along those lines. And definitely hearts and kisses.

But I am not sure that is really the point. I think ths needs looking at as a whole

OP says that they are In a strong relationship and she is pretty sure that he will not cheat. She also says this is how he is and that he is adept in deleting messages. If she pushes this what happens? He shows her his phone every day and there are no messages. Does she believe him implicitly or does the earworm start asking about another phone - or has he just deleted everything. Then, how often does she continue with the phone searching. Does she stop - then does he start again etc etc. That's the way madness lies if the rest of the relationship is how she says.

Would you look at your partner's phone without telling them?

ka7e

My husband used to call every woman "love" "darlin" or "sweetheart" - he confessed he could never remember all their names. He was very charismatic, outgoing and flirty - but he would sometimes come home early from a lad's night out because he'd been embarrassed by someone that propositioned him! He really enjoyed women's company, and they adored him - but he wasn't a cheater....too many people could have tried to drop him in it if he had.

Marvel1

NeilCr wrote: »

Would you look at your partner's phone without telling them?

Yes I have suspected they were cheating, i was right

Mumsy3

Thanks for your replies. I AM suspicious due to my previous experience which I can't help.

I think i have to believe that he would never be unfaithful and that what he does is harmless - even though it really upsets me. I can't cope anymore with trying to catch him out! I know he'll just get better at deleting messages and have stronger passwords.

I'll enjoy our relationship (which is good at the moment) for what it is but I will never truly trust him now and that is not a good basis for a relationship. I can't see into the future with him anymore because I need to protect myself against what may happen! Once bitten....

Thanks x

NeilCr

NeilCr wrote: »

Yes. Not the exact words but along those lines. And definitely hearts and kisses.

But I am not sure that is really the point. I think ths needs looking at as a whole

OP says that they are In a strong relationship and she is pretty sure that he will not cheat. She also says this is how he is and that he is adept in deleting messages. If she pushes this what happens? He shows her his phone every day and there are no messages. Does she believe him implicitly or does the earworm start asking about another phone - or has he just deleted everything. Then, how often does she continue with the phone searching. Does she stop - then does he start again etc etc. That's the way madness lies if the rest of the relationship is how she says.

Would you look at your partner's phone without telling them?

Marvel1 wrote: »

Yes I have suspected they were cheating, i was right

And if you didn't think they were cheating? Sending flirty messages as per OP's husband

Marvel1

NeilCr wrote: »

And if you didn't think they were cheating? Sending flirty messages as per OP's husband

I'd be wondering why the need too, they want something to happen.

kazwookie

Mumsy3 wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. I AM suspicious due to my previous experience which I can't help.

I think i have to believe that he would never be unfaithful and that what he does is harmless - even though it really upsets me. I can't cope anymore with trying to catch him out! I know he'll just get better at deleting messages and have stronger passwords.

I'll enjoy our relationship (which is good at the moment) for what it is but I will never truly trust him now and that is not a good basis for a relationship. I can't see into the future with him anymore because I need to protect myself against what may happen! Once bitten....

Thanks x

IMO for what it is worth:-

1. Stop looking at his phone, it is his NOT yours.
2. If you honestly think he is misbehaving, then dump him, before he get tired of you looking at his phone and dumps you.
3. Once you have dumped him, then you will have nothing to worry about, and he can use his phone as he likes.

Comms69

Organza_Lace wrote: »

Dictionary result for flirt

behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions.

So why do it if there's no feeling or intention behind it? Makes no sense to me.

Mostly people get a buzz out of it; nothing more.

SuperPikachu

Mumsy3 wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. I AM suspicious due to my previous experience which I can't help.

I think i have to believe that he would never be unfaithful and that what he does is harmless - even though it really upsets me. I can't cope anymore with trying to catch him out! I know he'll just get better at deleting messages and have stronger passwords.

I'll enjoy our relationship (which is good at the moment) for what it is but I will never truly trust him now and that is not a good basis for a relationship. I can't see into the future with him anymore because I need to protect myself against what may happen! Once bitten....

Thanks x

Bit dramatic but I hope it goes well for you.