Struggling to control budget - advice welcomed

Sulman

You both need to sit down and work on this together

Very true, and we will do this tonight.

cloud_dog

Sulman wrote: »

After all the bills are paid we have £50 per day budget (for groceries, baby clothes, luxuries etc) - a pretty healthy budget I think.

Currently I am putting the £50 on her card each morning but then I get a phone call saying the card has been declined and can I transfer money quickly as she is at the checkout and people are waiting.

Part of the problem is that you / OH are confusing necessities (groceries) with luxurious (or frivolous spending). Also, £50 per day is probably not practical, i.e. may need to spend more than £50, and also actually encourages wasteful spending habits, i.e. popping in to shops daily to buy food/clothing etc rather than planning and shopping within a more regimented regime.

You (they) need to differentiate between frivolous and necessary spending.

She needs her own account (as others have said). You could also consider whether she should have two accounts; one for herself and one for the necessities, i.e. pay her £200pm and the necessities account £800pm (for food).

Your wife needs to understand that once the money has gone, there is no other money. If she feels that you will always dig her out of a hole, then you have no hope. I find it difficult to believe that if she cannot buy certain items on a day, even food, you would crumble/starve without them.

You need to stop being an enabler.

If you can organise two bank accounts you could change the payments in to the accounts to be weekly if that might help.

You could consider credit cards with a low credit limit and see if any will ensure they cannot go over the limit.

Sulman

You need to stop being an enabler.

This is one thing I have learned from this thread.

Thank you.

Dobbibill

Hi Sulman,

Welcome back to the forum.

Some ideas from me

1. Get her to open her own account.
2. Do your weekly shopping online.
3. Keep a £20 weekly buffer in cash for any bits and bobs you need until the following week.
4. Put their luxuries budget in their account monthly. (You have to go from month to month so this will be an eye-opener for them to do the same). When it's gone it's gone.

Just a few ideas, you may find something different works for you.

trailingspouse

Wow. If my man was 'allowing' me £50 a day, I would walk away. On second thoughts, I would run. How ridiculous. And why on earth doesn't she have a bank account? Don't you have a joint account? When you say she uses your cards, do you mean she is an additional cardholder on your credit card, or that she uses your card with your name on it? The latter is fraud.
What ways have you tried to get her to not overspend? Taking away her sweets??

Do you even talk to each other about this? And I don't just mean you talking to her - I mean her talking to you, and you listening.

Treat her like the grown-up that she is, and she will behave like a grown-up. Was she involved in setting the budget? If not, why not? Does she know how much you earn, how much the bills are etc etc? If not, why not?

Sulman

trailingspouse wrote: »

Wow. If my man was 'allowing' me £50 a day, I would walk away. On second thoughts, I would run. How ridiculous. And why on earth doesn't she have a bank account? Don't you have a joint account? When you say she uses your cards, do you mean she is an additional cardholder on your credit card, or that she uses your card with your name on it? The latter is fraud.
What ways have you tried to get her to not overspend? Taking away her sweets??

Do you even talk to each other about this? And I don't just mean you talking to her - I mean her talking to you, and you listening.

Treat her like the grown-up that she is, and she will behave like a grown-up. Was she involved in setting the budget? If not, why not? Does she know how much you earn, how much the bills are etc etc? If not, why not?

[FONT=&quot]Such a helpful and mature response. Thanks, I will take it all on board and will do my best to explain it to her while she is legging it down the street away from me after taking your advice. I love how you have immediately been able to review and conclude import points about our marriage and our communication and mutual respect. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot](Also, please read the “Etiquette” link in the blue bar above.)[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]To other people on this thread that have tried to help and offer advice, it is much appreciated and I think we have come up with several solid points for managing this going forward. I feel more positive about our money concerns now.[/FONT]

trailingspouse

Sulman wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]Hi all[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I am struggling to keep our spending in line with our budget.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have calculated our family monthly/weekly/daily budget pretty accurately based on all incomings and outgoings.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]After all the bills are paid we have £50 per day budget (for groceries, baby clothes, luxuries etc) - a pretty healthy budget I think.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]However, I work full time and my wife is a stay at home mum with our 2 year old. My wife doesn't have bank accounts so she uses my cards. She spends 95% of the budget (quite rightly getting the bits we need etc). However, she is terrible with money and always overspends. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have tried lots of different ways to try to get her to keep to the budget but it's not working. Currently I am putting the £50 on her card each morning but then I get a phone call saying the card has been declined and can I transfer money quickly as she is at the checkout and people are waiting.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I'm a my wits end with how to control this.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We have has many chats about this, but it just doesn't sink in.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Bottom line: Anyone have any advice on how they manage their budgets and partners spending?[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Thank you. [/FONT]

There's no I in team.

And no assumptions have been made - but some questions have been asked that you haven't answered. And seriously - £50 a day?? Another question - did you discuss money/spending/finance before you married? If she's as spendthrift as you say, you must have known before you married?