Fake marriage

elsien

Your kids are adults with their own lives. Any decision you make needs to be based on what's best for you, not what they think.

Mercenary

I suggested a divorce to my husband after waiting until the offspring were grown up and settled. They knew our relationship hadn't been good for many years and it wasn't a shock to them....or him!
We divorced after 37 years of marriage and are much happier leading our separate lives, and we now have a better relationship as friends-who-used-to-be-married.

Don't be afraid to change what is left of your life. You only get one. Don't keep yourself in a box in fear of other people's opinions.

Grezz24

Have you sat down and spoke with your husband about how you're feeling, and that you are unhappy in the marriage etc?

Id suggest a conversation would be my next step. If you have fallen out of love with him, and from reading your posts that's the main message i get, then you need to have that conversation with him and then your children.

It sounds like he is happy with the current situation and may not know how you are feeling at this moment in time, and a talk may spur him into action to return to work P/T and you may be able to work on it and find that spark again, or it may be the final nail in the coffin and you can both look to move on.

ViolaLass

Marges wrote: »

Theoretica "If you separated, and lived separate lives in separate homes, what would you expect to be the practical or emotional benefits to you over living mostly separate lives in the same home?"

1 not having to pretend to the outside world, friends and colleagues that our marriage is ok. Our kids have already seen from the inside that it's not but naturally prefer us to stay together. So being able to be honest with my friends mainly. You can be honest with your friends now.

2 being open to new relationships which sounds more trouble than it's worth from what I can see of other people's experiences.

3 practically I know it would cost us a lot more to live separately but is not impossible. Our remaining adult child at home would want to live with one of us.

4 for family reasons it is easier to live separate lives in the same house, kids visit us together and invite us out together.This wouldn't have to stop.

So conflicted, which is where relate might help.

Go on a holiday first. It's a smaller change. See how it makes you feel.

How do you know how your children feel if you haven't been honest with them?

harrys_nan

You are coming over as unhappy, Just make sure that it would be best for you if you divorce, nobody else. Life is short and we only get 1 go at it, never regret what you do, only what you don't.
I am sure if that's the way you decide to go then your kids will be fine, it's just a case of then getting used to the change

FabFifty

Agree with "Don't be afraid to change what is left of your life. You only get one. Don't keep yourself in a box in fear of other people's opinions.".

Ask yourself - is this how I want to spend the next 30/40 years?

davidwood681

You said your hubby let himself go......does that mean he's put on weight?

If so I'm a bit confused because women keep telling us men curves (fat) are beautiful and that's how real women look.

Does this not apply to men too?

SuperPikachu

davidwood681 wrote: »

You said your hubby let himself go......does that mean he's put on weight?

If so I'm a bit confused because women keep telling us men curves (fat) are beautiful and that's how real women look.

Does this not apply to men too?

Could be all sorts couldn't it? Put on weight, not washing properly, maybe drinking, being unhealthy, miserable/grumpy, not making any effort with appearance, smelling, living in trackies or similar etc.

Can't just latch on to weight if somebody uses that saying.

pimento

FabFifty wrote: »

Agree with "Don't be afraid to change what is left of your life. You only get one. Don't keep yourself in a box in fear of other people's opinions.".

Ask yourself - is this how I want to spend the next 30/40 years?

I was in a position where I was left on my own at 53 when my husband died (he was 58). I never wanted to be on my own and was a bit nervous about it.

Four and a half years later, I'm re-married and about to retire and travel the world.

I won't say that I'm glad my first husband died but I am doing more now and having more fun that I ever did before.

Go for it.

missile

thorsoak wrote: »

My suggestion? Find out what it would be like on your own - by booking a holiday on your own, in a place that he does not want to go. Tell your children that you have always wanted to go there, but as father doesn't want to go, you will go on your own - before it is too late.

Sounds like an excellent trial separation by any other name.

If you are not happy, you need to decide what will make you happy and make a plan to achieve this.. It's a new year, make 2019 the year you do what is best for you :-) life is too short to be restricted by what kids friends and family will think.

Have you tried marriage guidance? If he will not participate see a councillor on your own.

https://www.relate.org.uk/